Is asking for 75% too much?

[clpsmum]

My divorce has been dragging out for years now and his having a major affect on my mental health I need it to be over and ties cut asap. I am currently applying to court for a forced sale of marital home however I've been advised this will take a minimum for a year from start to finish.

Would it be unreasonable if me to ask my STBXH for 75% of the equity in the home and I will forfeit anything else pensions, money he owes me etc.

I know I could be doing myself a huge disservice but I just need this to be over asap and he is throwing a spanner in the works and dragging it out at any possible opportunity.

My question really is, is 75% too much to ask for?

With new info if he earns 75k His pension pot will be WELL over 100K just ride it out .
Unless your are planning to sell sit tight and just let solicitor deal .

I would heed your solicitor's advice. He must be delaying for a reason, presumably doesn't want to disclose his true assets. If you don't mind me asking how old are you and how long were you married ? 55 and 25 years is very differeng to 28 and 5.

How old are you both? Given his earnings I’d say his pension could be considerable and you would be doing yourself a real disservice. Do you have children? What kind of things have you done to work on your mental health. ??

Handhold and 💐. It’s tough

I'm still living in and paying for the marital home. No contact with STBXH at all thankfully

you ex knows you want this done and is dragging it out for a reason. I’d tell him to sign house over to you in full at the very least, as long as you can afford the mortgage. His pension pot could be worth a fair amount, plus whatever money he owes you. He should still be paying for the kids . Over all I’d wait it out but I understand your feelings- but you shouldn’t end up poor because he doesn’t want to be fair with you financially. Poor will also impact your mental health, especially if you are struggling for years whilst he is going on holidays and buying new cars

@Goodskin46 I'm almost fifty and we were married ten years

He doesn't want me to know how much he earns and he doesn't want to sell as at the moment I am paying the mortgage and makes no difference to him. This way he can keep us in poverty and know where we are

All I seem to be doing is focusing on my mental health tbh. I've tried CBT and therapy speaking to a counsellor, anti depressants, mindfulness, exercise and diet.

There just seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. And after all this time it still feels like he is controlling my life

Do what your solicitor says.

Most posters here will assume that you live in England and will give you totally wrong ( though well intentioned) information.

There is no Form E in Scotland.

Why is your husband not providing a CETV of his pension ?

in Big picture terms 50% or 75% of 50k isnt a huge difference. His pension could be 100s of thousands. How long were u married? In Scottish law you are entitled to 50% of the pensioned accrued during the marriage.

Have you children ? Won't the amount of cms give you an indication of his salary ?

The opinions on mnetters really should never trump legal advice. Speak to another solicitor if you want a second opion..

The pp who said detach is the best advice here.

Why don’t you know how much he earns? Its written on the form you get from the Child Maintenance Service ( I note that you have children together ).

Sorry I see that @notapizzaeater just said that

Another tricky point. He pays a lot less than the legal minimum requirement but was advised it could take four months for a CMS claim to be put in place and I cannot afford to go four months without the pittance he is giving me at the moment

See my previous post I've not gone through CMS

No, my mum was awarded 100% of the house which was fully paid for plus 75% of his work pension and the sperm donor got to keep all his cash, private pensions and investments.

The house although at the time was worth about £350K was in a terrible condition as he had emotionally already checked out and had stopped maintaining the house for years.

My mum who was in her late 70s when the divorce was final had never worked so had no pension or savings should have held out for more as his cash savings, personal pension and investments were worth far more than what she received.

She just wanted it to be over and done with, but she was financially naive, as she never had access to any bank accounts and relied on my dad to give money every week for shopping, he never gave her anything for herself. So she had no idea about paying bills and other costs associated with running a house, which was a real shock for her.

I'm not an expert but you need to think of your long term mental health too.

If you miss your change and you're financially screwed as a result - for the rest of your life - how will your mental health look at 50 or 60?

Follow your solicitor's advice and invest in some decent therapy/other solutions for your mental health

I see you are almost 50 - my point still stands though: how will you feel at 60 or 70?

It doesn’t take 4 months to go through CMS! I know someone if you got a claim through recently in a few weeks, because her ex had a salaried job and she knew all the details of his employment. It’s not so easy if he is self employed, workers cash in hand or for his own company.

Also it’s back dated to when CMS first contact your ex.

Do you know his address and the name and address of his employer? That will make it a lot quicker. CMS don’t need information from him as they contact HMRC and get it from his last tax return.

You are almost certainly getting less child support than you should be. Because if your ex was over paying he would have lodged a case at CMS himself.

The Scottish Courts won’t give you 75% of assets. But they will probably give you 50% of the total assets, which might be 10 times more than 75% of the equity in the house.

Yes I do know all of his details. Thank you so much that is reassuring to hear. I will give them a call in the morning

this is some of the worst advice I've ever seen on here.

I'd have been in dire straits if I'd done that. Ex dragged it out and out and out. Until you know the value of the other assets and have got proper advice you need to keep going horrible as it is. We had to have an actuarial report on the pension, expensive but worth it for me
If you say to him that's what you'd like and he agrees, I'd think you'd know that there are things he is hiding [but wouldn't rely on him saying that was not ok either] Please only finalise the divorce with all the info there and the help of a good solicitor.

I'm horrified, on your behalf op, that parents can get away with non disclosure. It should surely be illegal.

I agree with you and wish it was illegal. He's disgusting tbh. This is just the tip of the iceberg with him. I don't know how him or his family sleep at night tbh but that's another thread!

There's a poster on here who's been divorced almost 10 years but still posts regular threads raging about how much better off her ex is and how little she got in the divorce. It's an obsession that rules her life.

So you might think getting it over and done with will save your mental health, but I wouldn't be so sure.