Should I just walk away with nothing?

[Divorcedat40]

i am currently waiting for a decree nisi, my husband and his mother want me to walk away with nothing. We have been together 16 years and married for 11 years, 5 children (the youngest 3 are his) 10,12,13, my mother in law signed one of her houses over to my husband 4yrs ago as she was leaving it to him anyway when she dies, (we have lived in the house since our first child was born 13yrs ago) she always said I wasn’t allowed to have my name on anything to do with the house. he then remortgaged it for £90k to fund an extension for us, again my name isn’t on anything to do with the house, even though I have obviously contributed over the years, We both work full time, I earn £19,800 he earns £35,000. They are maintaining I should go with nothing, surely I’m entitled to something after 16yrs? I’m not asking for thousands, the house is worth £230,000, he has also just inherited £50k, all I want is enough to pay the first months rent on somewhere to get me started, is that unreasonable? I am divorcing him because he is alcohol dependent and I can no longer tolerate his disgusting behaviour. I’m new to all this and just don’t know what to do for the best.

Where will the children be living? Surely HIS children need somewhere to live?

They will be with me and he certainly will not be having them overnight! I just need to find somewhere first to live

Have you a solicitor? If not, get one. Pretty sure you're due at least 50% of all marital assets, possibly more with the children.

You need proper legal advice, you need to make sure you get what you are entitled to for your childrens sake as much as your own. Ignore what he and his mother want, thats irrelevant, you have legal rights in this situation so dont let them dictate to you

I earn under £20k there is no way I can afford a solicitor

The best money you will ever spend is on a solicitor - without one, you are risking your future and the roof over your children head.

Your marriage is not a short one so 50/50 sounds like a good starting point. All marital assets are divided in the divorce and the house is a martial asset. So is his pension. There is no way you walk away with nothing however much your soon to be ex thinks that is fair. That said I'm not a solicitor and you need to talk to someone who is. You need legal advice.

Solicitors are accustomed to such situations and will take their fees when you receive your settlement. Please find one Monday. You and your children can't afford not to.

I applied for a financial order when I filed for divorce, I think the court then decides what is appropriate, im just not 100% sure.

I never understand this logic. A solicitor fee is a cost of course, but the biggest cost in this situation is not engaging one and there being an unfair and uncontested splitting of marital assets. Find the money!

Appoint a solicitor. Find one that will accept payment on settlement.

You will be entitled to 50%, at least.

Please don’t be cowed by your ex.

I will be a single parent with 5 children I can’t just find the money!

First of all, look at Wikivorce and read up about divorce online as well as books from the library.

Second, gather documentation about all financials: salary slips, P60s, pensions, investments, bank statements - everything.

Third - and this is imperative, as you clearly have little idea about equitable division of assets and are at risk of getting shafted - see an experienced family solicitor.

You should receive at least 50% of marital assets, possibly a lot more because you'll be the children's chief carer. Don't accept peanuts!

Would Citizens Advice Bureau be able to help OP?

In England, if you're legally married then half of what he has is yours OP as the start position, whatever MIL said is irrelevant.

Have a look on this website

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/divorce/

they have a free helpline to call for advice as well

some Solicitors will allow you to pay their bill when your divorce goes through and you are awarded the financial settlement

You really have to listen to what posters have been telling you and you must get legal advice

Google the names of local solicitors who do family law (Google ‘family law solicitor and your area) and phone them

explain that you need urgent advice on your divorce but would need to settle the bill when the divorce goes through
Theyll tell you straight away if they can help
If they can’t, keep calling around

Solicitor’s will give you 30 mins legal advice for free, that would be a starting point.

Are you going to apply for a child arrangements order too?

As others have said your solicitor should be able to suggest alternatives to you coming up with the money upfront. Litigation loan or taking the fee from your share of the settlement. Which is likely to be tens of thousands.

You have no choice really - you won't get a financial order agreed by court that is so unfair to you and the children.

As impossible as it sounds, you have no choice but to find the money. You are doing this for your future and your children's future. As previous posters have suggested, find a solicitor that will accept payment from your settlement. Pull yourself together and get on with it....do not lose what you are entitled to!

This. It’s a joint cost that will come out of the settlement.

No court will currently agree your financial settlement. Basically you and your children are going to be homeless. No judge will agree to this. So sort it out before it gets thrown out.

OP what your ex and his mother want vs what you (and importantly your children) are entitled and to are very different things.

As a couple you have substantial joint assets. It does not matter one jot if you are not named on the deeds for the house.

He has an obligation to support his children.

As pp's have said you need legal advice because without it you are liable to make decisions that will have a bad impact on your children.

I note you say your ex will not have the children overnight. Your children have a legal right to have reasonable contact with their father. Unless there is a safeguarding issue you cannot prevent this.

If you try he will likely take you to court (having the money to do so) and will win.

You need to ring a number of solicitors and find one who will allow you to pay after you've received your settlement.

You're more likely to be able to do this if you can prove (with documentation) that you have enough martial assets to pay the bill - which it would seem you do.

Do not be bullied in to accepting nothing. You should in theory after 16 years of marriage and 3 children be entitled to AT LEAST 50/50 especially as the lower income household - you may be entitled to more (I suspect you will).

Honestly, money I spent on a good solicitor was the best financial decision I made. The judge awarded me 100% of the house, as he could see I wasn't going to get anything other than the bare minimum of child support (£7 a week).

What his family want is not relevant
divorce laws are there to protect parties and ensure fair financial outcome. Of course most people don’t agree with the outcome e but that’s by the by
courts will look to ensure both parties leave on Equal footing ( which does not automatically mean 50:50)
you absolutely need a solicitor. Their priority will be to ensure your children are housed and provided for

OP you cannot afford NOT to get a solicitor.

As PPs have already said, they will deduct fees from the settlement.

You are risking yours and your children's financial future here.

Also you definitely need advice regarding his contact with the children - you don't get to decide that he isn't having them overnight.