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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Maintenance instead of equity?

79 replies

TheEndofIt · 02/05/2022 09:41

Going through a nasty separation (in Scotland saw law slightly different).

I want to sell the family home as properties here (Edinburgh) go for at least 10-20% over home report valuation, which will give me about an extra 20-40K.

Ex wants to buy me out at home report value & instead pay child maintenance (around £525 pcm) which will increase my mortgage capacity by 20k ish.

I'd rather have the increased equity.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
declutteringmymind · 02/05/2022 11:00

Nothing to stop you moving elsewhere the day after it goes through. Might be worth conceding to him in that respect initially. There's nothing to stop him selling the family home and making a profit straightaway after your divorce goes through.

Original poster
TheEndofIt · 02/05/2022 11:00

@gogohm - he can afford to buy me out (just) and I think his parents are helping him out.

He thinks I can just magic up a job so I can afford more.

OP posts:
ChoiceMummy · 02/05/2022 11:01

TheEndofIt · 02/05/2022 09:41

Going through a nasty separation (in Scotland saw law slightly different).

I want to sell the family home as properties here (Edinburgh) go for at least 10-20% over home report valuation, which will give me about an extra 20-40K.

Ex wants to buy me out at home report value & instead pay child maintenance (around £525 pcm) which will increase my mortgage capacity by 20k ish.

I'd rather have the increased equity.

Any thoughts?

Even if he states to agree to pay x amount child maintenance, he can get this reviewed a year later if like England and many do!

With equity, you know exactly what you've got. Is go for that as maintenance can fluctuate greatly. Imagine he loses his job, goes self employed etc.

Original poster
TheEndofIt · 02/05/2022 11:03

@declutteringmymind - Scots law is that I can move away, but would have to leave the DC behind if he is not in agreement about them moving away (which he is not).

OP posts:
AskingforaBaskin · 02/05/2022 11:03

Is he willing to agree to the children relocating?

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 02/05/2022 11:06

I've seen on here that enhanced maintenance is hard to enforce past the first twelve months, not sure if Scotland is different. Would he meet you in the middle, say buy you out for your share of equity at the house valuation level plus 15,000? Not as good as you'd get from a sale, but no court would balance that out.

Original poster
TheEndofIt · 02/05/2022 11:07

@AskingforaBaskin - no, he will not agree - he wants them to stay at the same school.

OP posts:
caecilius1 · 02/05/2022 11:07

This is so difficult it might be one that has to go to court. Flowers

Original poster
TheEndofIt · 02/05/2022 11:10

@LunaAndHerMoonDragons - thanks - I've suggested extra via solicitor & waiting to hear back.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheEndofIt · 02/05/2022 11:11

@ChoiceMummy - I think he is due a promotion/pay rise so it might be me who goes to CMS in a year & asks for a review Grin

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/05/2022 11:14

Would he want the DC "full time" you have a 1 or 2 bed and they stay with you EOW etc and you live further out?

If he would be aghast at doing the actual parenting you can point out what choice is he leaving you with other than renting together?

Another option is investing in a buy to let elsewhere but long term you would have a small property?

Scottishflower65 · 02/05/2022 11:30

CMS would be £420 a month if he is on 60K and has them up to 174 days a year (on average 3 days a week). It works exactly the same in Scotland as in England. He can easily get out of any extra after one year so it’s an empty promise anyway (never mind the fact he might go unemployed etc). My DH was in a similar situation with his ex (not married) and you can force a sale. His legal costs were approx 4K so unsure why your costs would be so high. The prospect of paying his costs too is a risk but usually overstated unless your case is frivolous. Have you asked another solicitor? Sadly, I’ve found some to be not so good. In popular locations in Scotland, houses are selling for up to 30% over home value just now so this would surely be a material fact in any court case as it would be very financially detrimental to you.

Original poster
TheEndofIt · 02/05/2022 11:37

@RandomMess - unfortunately it is something along the lines of that - which I am refusing as I have been the primary carer for 10+ years & don't think it's in DC's best interest.

He's barely done a drop off or pickup in 10 years.

It's more along the lines of punishing me for daring to separate. And bring an entitled knob for wanting to stay in a 4-bed house (family home).

OP posts:
Original poster
TheEndofIt · 02/05/2022 11:40

@Scottishflower65 - he would oppose it as he's offered me HR value & a court would see me as unreasonable for refusing this (according to my solicitor) - so it would cost a lot more.

CMS (on 2-3 days a week) works out at £525 pcm on his current salary.

OP posts:
allsorts1 · 02/05/2022 11:46

Go for the equity. Years and years of the fact that he could just stop paying as agreed and this hangs over you is just NOT WORTH IT. Plus as PP says, unlikely that this maintenance would even be taken into account for mortgage.

allsorts1 · 02/05/2022 11:47

Get another solicitor - yours sounds a bit shit.

FAQs · 02/05/2022 11:52

Ive had several mortgages, remortgages and not one has taken CMS into account, I had one say they could if it was Court ordered, which is wasn’t so I wouldn’t rely on that.

Norush4 · 02/05/2022 12:18

Following out of interest OP it's fascnating how fathers in Scotland have a say on mothers moving away with their kids..

Is your ex willing to committ to 50 percent of the school holidays though? As well as EOW.

AskingforaBaskin · 02/05/2022 12:22

Norush4 · 02/05/2022 12:18

Following out of interest OP it's fascnating how fathers in Scotland have a say on mothers moving away with their kids..

Is your ex willing to committ to 50 percent of the school holidays though? As well as EOW.

The mother is free to move where ever she decides. The children are who can not. And surely you understand that both parents should maintain and have access to their children?

He may have a case to stop the move considering it is where they go to school and are settled.

Fuuuuuckit · 02/05/2022 12:26

Newcastle building society took cms into account for me.

And it looks like CM is payable anyway - is he really really likely to go for 50/50? Can his working pattern/lifestyle/parenting skills accommodate his demands?

Original poster
TheEndofIt · 02/05/2022 12:36

I checked with my mortgage advisor last week & certain lenders will take CMS as income, provided it is written in to minute of agreement.

He will never agree to DC moving. It's non-negotiable for him. Would have to go through a court process for that.

He was WFH during covid but now does hybrid split between home & office (which is 50 miles away).

So on paper could do 50-50. And probably would want to do it to spite me.

In his head, he is dad of the year - but has hardly organised a play date or done a drop off or pickup.

OP posts:
Norush4 · 02/05/2022 12:40

@AskingforaBaskin I am just following for interest of the laws. I didn't give an opinion on either. However if you hang on and read what I wrote I said with their kids... mothers want to be with their kids.

To answer your question it depends where you live and if OP cannot find work then unfortunately due to her husband being a DICK yes I do think it should be in consideration that a mother can move to another place with their kids.

A lot of men want to demand this and that but when it comes to picking up the slack such as bank holidays, inset days at school, after school clubs and organising childcare for 7 weeks in summer Easter and Xmas..... the list goes on. However if OPS DH sticks to his word then fair enough he deserves to see his children However I don't know what input he has currently with his kids or finicially do you??

Norush4 · 02/05/2022 12:42

Fuuuuuckit · 02/05/2022 12:26

Newcastle building society took cms into account for me.

And it looks like CM is payable anyway - is he really really likely to go for 50/50? Can his working pattern/lifestyle/parenting skills accommodate his demands?

Glad you mentioned this. I thought this earlier too!

AskingforaBaskin · 02/05/2022 12:44

Norush4 · 02/05/2022 12:40

@AskingforaBaskin I am just following for interest of the laws. I didn't give an opinion on either. However if you hang on and read what I wrote I said with their kids... mothers want to be with their kids.

To answer your question it depends where you live and if OP cannot find work then unfortunately due to her husband being a DICK yes I do think it should be in consideration that a mother can move to another place with their kids.

A lot of men want to demand this and that but when it comes to picking up the slack such as bank holidays, inset days at school, after school clubs and organising childcare for 7 weeks in summer Easter and Xmas..... the list goes on. However if OPS DH sticks to his word then fair enough he deserves to see his children However I don't know what input he has currently with his kids or finicially do you??

And fathers don't?
You can't just blankly gender stereotype like that.

Regardless of what the specifics are these rules are in place as both parents have PR. One can not make unilateral decisions

These are the risks we make when deciding to make children with another parent l

Norush4 · 02/05/2022 12:52

@AskingforaBaskin you jumped at me in your quote. What are you talking about it's not a stereo type it's the reality. You seem to be struggling to digest why isn't he going for 50/50 of the kids???

I'm going merely on what OP has put. If your suggesting that many dad's do this when a split is involved then you are delusional at best. No it's not about the risk this is why co parenting is going wrong grudges and personal differences should be put aside the kids need looking after regardless your opinion is disgusting it's nothing to do with risk. It's character because I still look after my DS despite me and his dad not being together.

Does the law in Scotland mean that the male is tied too? Because you can't just pick and choose the best parts of parenting...