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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

When does family home get sold in divorce process

37 replies

NeedSleepNow · 18/04/2022 18:04

Husband and I separated last year and I have been living in the family home with the children which we jointly own, he has been living with a friend. We have not yet filed for divorce but I would like to soon.

Ex has now told me he needs the family home sold ASAP to free up money. We haven't even agreed the split of assets yet, he would like 50:50 but I think 60:40 in my favour would be a fairer split as I will have the children to house.

If we sold the house now and split the money however we eventually agreed, would that leave me open to him posdibly wanting more money when we get to divorce stage? I worry that if we sell the house now and I buy something else, or I buy him out of our current home if I can, am I at risk of then having to sell and give him money at divorce stage if he demands it? Should I wait to sell the fmh until we have a legally binding consent order (I think that's what it's called)? I'm so muddled by the process and order in which things need to be done!

Thanks

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 18/04/2022 18:06

Some divorce agreements state family home isn’t sold until youngest child is 18. Do you work, what will the custody arrangements be?

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 18/04/2022 18:07

Speak to a lawyer.
But fwiw I was advised not to sell the family home until there was a legal agreement on how to split the proceeds. Anything else is just too messy

GeneLovesJezebel · 18/04/2022 18:07

You need to speak to a solicitor before you agree anything.

LightandMomentary · 18/04/2022 18:09

Fairly certain it's all tied up in the legal agreement. Speaking from the experience of a family member, she ended up keeping the house but none of the savings and no maintenance. She also had 50% of his pension as he was the high earner.

Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 18/04/2022 18:12

Thank you.

He doesn't like anyone disagreeing with him so I'm sure it will get messy once I say no to 50:50. I would like to try mediation to come to an agreement but even then I'm doubtful we will reach one. He is the sorry if person that takes offence to some one disagreeing with him and he then just becomes shouty, loud, argumentative etc. and I find him hard to stand up to.

I am seeing a solicitor later this month so will discuss it all with her then. My gut instinct is not to do anything with the house until it is all finalised and legal (Although I do worry that he will threaten to move back in if I will not agree to sell within the next few werks/months) .

I would hate for him to agree to something, us still the house, and him then change his mind at a later date.

OP posts:
LightandMomentary · 18/04/2022 18:36

Ah, missed that he was out of the house. In the example I gave above, the DH refused to move out until the process was finalised.

Siameasy · 18/04/2022 18:41

He sounds potentially abusive I would not agree to anything and leave it to solicitors to deal with.

Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 18/04/2022 18:49

@Siameasy

He sounds potentially abusive I would not agree to anything and leave it to solicitors to deal with.
It has taken me a long time to realise that he can be abusive. I hate confrontation and find dealing with difficult situations like this incredibly hard. I suppose I feel guilty even though deep down I know this situation isn't my fault.

I have very little money so am trying to keep solicitor appointments to the absolute minimum so was hoping I could do negotiations ourselves or via mediation to save money.

OP posts:
millymolls · 18/04/2022 19:47

I wouldntagree to sell the house until you have agreed overall financial split and have that all tied up in a consent order

fallfallfall · 18/04/2022 19:53

Except who’s paying for the house and all the associated bills?

Nimello · 18/04/2022 19:57

You and XH should both see solicitors. You can draw up your own agreement based on the advice you both receive, if you want to save money. On the face of it, 60:40 would sound fair - but I know nothing about your status (SAHM? Main earner?); the children's ages; length of marriage/relationship; pensions; and so on. I'm surprised he has moved out, as he has given a hostage to fortune by doing so.

Xenia · 18/04/2022 20:02

See a solicitor. Do nothing until you are legally advised to do it. Many houses are not sold until you cohabit, remarry or youngest child is 18. In my case I bought out my ex (he got 59% as I earn more) and I stayed in the house. (He could not afford to buy me out). He was advised not to leave the home until decree absolute, sealed court financial consent order, money transferred to him, mortgage and house put in my sole name - that all took 7 months and he had a right to live in the house until then!

Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 18/04/2022 20:22

@fallfallfall

Except who’s paying for the house and all the associated bills?
I am paying for everything, the mortgage, all utility bills etc. He pays child maintenance but nothing towards the house
OP posts:
Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 18/04/2022 20:35

@Nimello

You and XH should both see solicitors. You can draw up your own agreement based on the advice you both receive, if you want to save money. On the face of it, 60:40 would sound fair - but I know nothing about your status (SAHM? Main earner?); the children's ages; length of marriage/relationship; pensions; and so on. I'm surprised he has moved out, as he has given a hostage to fortune by doing so.
Married 15 years, 3 children ages between 4 and 12. I was a sahm for 8 years and have worked part time since, and am now looking for full time work. Before that I had a good career paying £35k with scope for promotion. I was unable to go back to the same field of work and now have had to settle for a job that suits school hours but with low pay and not much school with progression. He earns around £35k with lots of scope for progression and has a reasonable pension. No savings or other assets that I know about. The children live with me and will most likely stay every other weekend with him so I feel 60:40 would be a fair split but I'm sure he will not agree!
OP posts:
Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 06/05/2022 19:41

I saw my solicitor last week and her advice was do not sell until the financial consent order had been approved by the court. I'm sure my ex will be furious about it as he really wants it sold ASAP.

OP posts:
Xenia · 07/05/2022 14:59

Need, your solicitor is right. There aer lots of things that need to be worked out eg if tghe only way to house the children is that they stay in the house until youngest is 18 or you remarry or cohabit then a common order is that that is what happens and the higher earner spouse just has to wait until then although they DO then have the benefit of increases in the value of the house without having to pay the mortgage so there are pros and cons to that sort of order.

WoodenClock · 07/05/2022 15:09

I know two families where the house is currently on the market, as the youngest child has reached 18, although they divorced years ago.

Newnormal99 · 07/05/2022 15:39

My solicitor told me not to remortgage until consent done (I was buying him out) my ex was desperate for cash and I got loads of shouty phone calls because he thought courts were taking too long.

Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 08/05/2022 08:15

Newnormal99 · 07/05/2022 15:39

My solicitor told me not to remortgage until consent done (I was buying him out) my ex was desperate for cash and I got loads of shouty phone calls because he thought courts were taking too long.

I think this will be similar for me, I am expecting angry phone calls and lots of pressure to sell and split money before the consent order is done.

OP posts:
Palaver1 · 22/05/2022 07:58

It is not written in stone that you stay in a property till the last child is 18
Each case is looked up differently
from my experience please be aware that your lawyers cost
dont be under pressure you must do everything right following the legal advice nothing can be sold as of yet

CoopeyMum · 22/05/2022 13:30

The mesher order, which is what people are talking about above are very 1990s types of divorce & aren't really offered out that often anymore. There are lots of factors why this is the case. Essentially, the courts "job" is to see both parties move away from their marriage equally (or as best as they can). Especially if there are children involved, and these child are shared. Both parents will need to adequately house the children individually.

Mesher orders, if granted, are basically just prolonging the inevitable, that being the sale of the FMH. Whether it be now or once the youngest child of the marriage turns 18. That property will eventually be sold.

Mesher orders also come with lots of clauses for those who remain in the FMH; such as once you find a new partner, you force a sale etc

My advice, get a solicitor & cut your losses now. I couldn't imagine "starting again" once the youngest turned 18 (12 years time).

Xenia · 22/05/2022 14:59

I agree they are less common but still legally possible particularly in some typical situations where the couple can only afford one property to house the children, there is very little spare money and the only way to house the children other than using state benefits and going into a hostel etc is letting the resident parent stay with the children (until remarriage or cohabitation or youngest child 18 or until children move in with other parent).

I also agree a clean break feels better - I was able to buy my ex out of our house, pay him a large lump sum from that and taken on a massive mortgage on my own ( I work full time) so our situation was different

Mrsblobby22 · 09/12/2022 00:11

@NeedSleepNow hi OP

what way did things turn out

RoobarbandCustud · 09/12/2022 00:20

Doesn't your ex also need to be able to house the children when they are with him?

musingsinmidlife · 09/12/2022 00:23

Why would he not also have time with the children and need to house them when they stay with him? Child maintenance is what makes up a difference in custody time and salary but it is expected that both parents maintain suitable housing for their children. Both parents have a financial obligation for their children.