When does family home get sold in divorce process

[NeedSleepNow]

Husband and I separated last year and I have been living in the family home with the children which we jointly own, he has been living with a friend. We have not yet filed for divorce but I would like to soon.

Ex has now told me he needs the family home sold ASAP to free up money. We haven't even agreed the split of assets yet, he would like 50:50 but I think 60:40 in my favour would be a fairer split as I will have the children to house.

If we sold the house now and split the money however we eventually agreed, would that leave me open to him posdibly wanting more money when we get to divorce stage? I worry that if we sell the house now and I buy something else, or I buy him out of our current home if I can, am I at risk of then having to sell and give him money at divorce stage if he demands it? Should I wait to sell the fmh until we have a legally binding consent order (I think that's what it's called)? I'm so muddled by the process and order in which things need to be done!

Thanks

Do not sell the house until after the divorce is finalised. Get legal advice asap.

If you sell the house and split the proceeds before divorce, and you buy a small house and he buys a sports car that he wrecks then you go to court he will get half your smaller house.

Sold FMH before any agreement reached and the proceeds sat in the solicitor's client account for two years until the settlement was sorted. Just an option for you if you are worried about whether it will sell or not. Of course, it would also motivate him if he needs the cash.

However, if you can afford the costs of the house, sit tight until agreement is reached as you have leverage. Until then, his only option is to petition the court to force a sale, whereas the fastest route would be to reach a settlement.

No potentially about it. This man is an abusive bully who is trying to intimidate you into accepting a worse split of assets than you are entitled to. Do not communicate with him directly about this. Wait to speak to your solicitor and tell them that you are in an abusive relationship so they can handle things accordingly. For instance, mediation should not be considered if you are in an abusive relationship, he will only use it to bully you further. You can just tell the mediation service this if they approach you and they should then drop any idea of arranging any meetings.

We haven't moved forward much unfortunately.

I have filed for divorce and have had a first mediation session but as existed it wasn't very successful. We have discussed child arrangements so far as he was wanting to come over to the fmh whenever he wanted and would become angry if I said it wasn't a convenient time (obviously he is legally allowed to do this but as he has been moved out for over a year and I pay all the bills on the house I feel I should be able to put some boundaries on place). He had been seeing the children every weekend and twice in the week but at mediation we agreed every other weekend, once midweek, video calls on some of the other days but 3 days after mediation he changed his mind and wants them to stay every other weekend with him (he is now renting a 1 bed flat and it is really not adequate sleeping arrangements for them) and then to spend the whole of the other weekend with them at the fmh. He wants phonecalls every night and tells at me in front of the kids about it telling them I am ruining his life.

We are getting ready for full financial disclosure filling in form E at the moment ready to exchange at our next mediation session. Honestly though I feel as though I am just throwing money away by going through mediation. I feel like I have no voice around him and he will just backtrack and change his mind again a couple of days later. I know I shouldn't go to mediation with someone abusive but I suppose I am scared to stand up and say to the mediator that he is abusive at I worry what he will say or do.

My solicitor has been absolutely adamant that I should not sell the house until we are divorced with a financial consent order as I would be in a vulnerable position if we sold and split the money before that. So for now the children and I are still in the house (I cover all bills and mortgage) and he has rented a flat (he opted for a 1 bed so it is really tricky for the kids to stay but they are currently going every other weekend (they have to share beds or are in the floor on a blow up bed). He could have afforded a bigger flat or a house 10 minutes away but apparently that was too far away and he tells everyone I take his money so he couldn't afford more.

The divorce should come through in March and I'm hoping we can come to an agreement on finances and get a consent order, then sell the house.

Yes he does need space for them to stay, but as they will be living with me for the majority of the time our housing needs will be different.

He is renting a 1 bed at the moment (his choice as he could have afforded more) and it is really difficult for the kids to stay as they don't have their own beds, so as a result they hate going. I look forward to the day that he has a place with enough beds for them.

@OnGoldenPond , you're right he absolutely is a bully and abusive. This is why I ended the relationship as it was affecting the children badly and I didn't want them growing up thinking that this is the sort of treatment they should put up with.

I have tried mediation with him but he told the mediator a sob story and I felt pushed into certain decisions. He then changed his mind about a lot of agreements a couple of days later so it just feels pointless and like I am throwing money away to go through this process. I haven't had the courage to say to anyone in real life other than family that he is abusive. I worry what he will do or say if he heard me describe him as that.

This myth is so widespread that even solicitors still encourage the weaker financial party to get a Mesher Order but they are only used by a court as a last resort. Their enduring popularity is only ensured through consent orders by badly advised divorcing couples.

My wife wanted one of these things which would have been all to her advantage and all to my detriment so I said no. She kept being egged on by her idiot solicitor but I knew she didn't stand a chance so I stood my ground. Eventually when she realised I was willing for us both to lose thousands in legal fees (a cheaper option for the non-resident that a Mesher Order) she gave up.

If the courts see particulars for cheaper suitable houses and evidence that the weaker financial party can get a mortgage which, with a majority of capital, is enough to buy on their own then they would never order a Mesher Order. My wife had to accept the terraced houses down the road for £100k less than the FMH met her needs and also her plan to try and keep me on a mortgage that she would then "forget" to pay was foiled too.

It's not really a benefit when rent costs more than a mortgage and rises with inflation over the years whereas a mortgage doesn't. All they really get from this "benefit" is a peppercorn occupational rent for their share of the property and absolutely nothing to compensate for someone else squatting on their mortgage capacity for years.

They're so disadvantageous for the non-resident spouse (more so than spousal maintenance) that I was prepared to quit my job so my wife couldn't afford the mortgage to stop the order happening.

Your solicitor is right. Do not sell the house until you have the financial order in hand. The financial order is so key because he cannot come back for more money after that's settled.

Better, luckily in my case I earned 10x my husband so could afford to remortgage and buy him out of the house (he bought a mortgage free house near by but then chose just about never to see most of the children nor pay anything but at least there were no complications after the financial consent order was agreed).

To the original poster - if mediation is not working you do not have to attend it. In my case we negotiated between ourselves as my husband was advised not to leave our house until not only degree nisi, but court financial order, agreed and sealed, remortgage of house and his large lump sum hitting his account.

Your solicitor will advise you, correctly, not to proceed to decree absolute until the finances are agreed and the court has approved the consent order. In my case we needed not court hearings nor financial disclosure as just had joint accounts and completely knew what the other had and were still living together so there was no point in wasting money on mediation sessions. I paid both mine and his lawyers throughout. He got about 60% of our joint assets as I earned more and he gave up any rights to claim spousal maintenance from me (although we both do work full time).

Yeah, those factors would make a huge difference. The problems with Mesher Orders tend to arise when the occupant spouse has zero prospect of affording the mortgage on their own and zero intention of doing anything about it, which would have been the case for me (very different to your situation!)

My advice to anyone facing the raw end of a Mesher Order is to make absolutely sure it is impossible for the mortgage to be paid for more than a few more months. Otherwise there's a good chance as the higher earner that person will end up poorer than their ex in retirement and maybe even unable to afford to buy at all by the time they get their share of the capital. Solicitors put all kinds of dodgy terms in Meshers for the unwary, like not letting the non-resident spouse benefit from the mortgage being paid down (which is unfair if they can't get another mortgage and are burning their own money in rent which could otherwise be spent paying down a mortgage).

I would have been prepared to resign my job and go and study or something if I'd been subject to a Mesher Order, so the ex would have to spend 90% of her income on the mortgage.

OP I bought my ex out before the divorce process started - my solicitor included a confirmation from my ex confirming he had no further financial interest in the house once the buy-out had been completed. Then in the financial order, it confirmed that the family home had already been sorted and agreed.