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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

What does every other weekend mean to you?

28 replies

iloveitalia · 29/03/2022 23:18

My husband and I are in the process of splitting up and organising contact for our 10 year old daughter. What does every other weekend mean to you?

Is it from Fri eve until the same time on Sunday eve? Or is it from Fri eve until drop off at school on Monday?

Thanks for your answers.

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 29/03/2022 23:20

Friday until Sunday

coodawoodashooda · 29/03/2022 23:20

Monday isn't the weekend

McFuckSake · 29/03/2022 23:23

Friday til Sunday

drpet49 · 29/03/2022 23:24

Friday to Sunday evening

AHungryCaterpillar · 29/03/2022 23:24

Friday-sun

Original poster
iloveitalia · 29/03/2022 23:26

Phew! Thank God for that. Your answers are what I wanted to hear. I had assumed the Fri to Sun idea until I read something online this evening about Fri to Mon, and panicked.

Thank you.

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 29/03/2022 23:28

Every family does it differently (OK there are some common patterns though) - it depends what works for you and your kids OP.

Neverhot · 29/03/2022 23:28

Friday pick up from school until Sunday evening.

RandomMess · 29/03/2022 23:29

It's what works for you all?

Friday after school to Monday drop off at school means that if one parent only has EOW they get to do a small share of normal day to day parenting - ensuring homework is done, doing the school pick up and drop off. Allows the other parent to get a full weekend respite and to go away etc.

AHungryCaterpillar · 29/03/2022 23:32

It’s up to you and your ex to decide

RainbowMum11 · 29/03/2022 23:39

Depends on what works with her school & activities, and both yours and his work.
For XH & me, EOW is from Sat afternoon, DD is always with her DF on Mondays anyway (feom school pick up or 8.30am on a school holiday/inset day) so it makes sense for our situation, but it has to work for you all, especially your DD.

caringcarer · 29/03/2022 23:41

Pick up from school Friday and dropped back to you Sunday Evening, I guess time depends on age of child. 7-7.30pm seems reasonable, still time for shower, getting stuff ready for school next morning etc.

TooManyPJs · 29/03/2022 23:41

We used to do Friday evening until drop off Monday. Which is nice as school run is shared a little and you get a full weekend off on your weekend off! But it's whatever works for you both and the children.

RewildingAmbridge · 29/03/2022 23:42

My friend's ex h does Saturday late lunchtime until Monday drop off as it allows him to work six hours overtime every Saturday morning 6-12 and this means he pays additional maintenance (voluntarily not CMS) , there aren't any rules it's what works for each family

Original poster
iloveitalia · 29/03/2022 23:43

That all makes sense. I agree that it must above all be what is best for my DD. I will have to work to keep that in mind all the time during this process.....

OP posts:
OverTheRubicon · 29/03/2022 23:55

Is the other parent also doing a weekday night? Eg every Wednesday and eow? Unless there is risk involved, it's good for younger kids especially to have more frequent contact, and much as it can be so hard to be apart, it can be very good for the kids to have their fathers be involved with more of the day to day parts of getting ready for school and signing reading books. It can also be agreed that the 'morning' parent is responsible for care on their days if children are on holiday or ill, which is hugely helpful financially as it makes it easier to hold down a decent job, as well as save on some of the most expensive childcare.

You see so many single mothers absolutely skint, or introducing boyfriends to their kids far too early, and the underlying issue is generally that they're responsible for all or most of the finances and childcare. The issue is very often men who won't either care for or pay for their own kids, but also sometimes mothers who fought hard for eow when separating because they knew they'd miss the kids - but then get financially and romantically stuck because they're now responsible for pick ups, drop offs, all uniform, wraparound and holiday childcare, extra curriculars, doctor's appointments, sick kid collection etc. Meanwhile the ex is cruising tinder, able to get to work on time, renting a smaller and cheaper flat and paying a paltry CMS account that would barely cover the kids' uniform and shoes, let alone the extra space you need in the house or the food bill.

So anyway - just a major warning about trying to minimise nights with their other parent, assuming that parent is safe and caring.

Original poster
iloveitalia · 29/03/2022 23:59

@OverTheRubicon - yes, she will also be staying with her father one night during the week as well.

Thanks for all your answers everyone- very good to hear the voice of experience.

OP posts:
OverTheRubicon · 30/03/2022 00:06

That's good and then I'd agree fri-sun is more typical.

It might depend on your setup, if you like to go out or want to go away for the weekend fri-sun can be good, but sat-mon can be really good. My friend does it, and she and her kids get a nice chilled out Friday together, then as they get older and do clubs etc it can make for an easy handover (often at a neutral location, also means that you can both watch an important sports match for example), and also means that you don't have the challenge of every Monday, plus he has some extra school holiday/sickness days he can cover.

millymolls · 30/03/2022 07:52

What’s wrong with Friday eve till Monday school drop off? I know many families who do this
Why does she have to be back at yours Sunday evening?

BearFacedCheekGrylls · 30/03/2022 08:16

We do Thursday to Monday eow. Works for me as it means I get a couple of breaks from the school run each fortnight. I usually miss them by Sunday, but by then it’s nearly over.

OhNoWhatYouGonnaDo · 30/03/2022 15:33

We used to do Friday school pickup to Monday school drop-off. Worked really well. In our case there was acrimony between the parents, so having changeovers at school helped as the parents only saw each other a handful of times a year at school holiday handovers.

If the father wants to take his child to school on a Monday morning, why not let him? Why panic about Dad having an extra, what, 12 hours a fortnight? You risk sounding really petty and controlling if you make a fuss about that.

wobytide · 31/03/2022 10:27

@coodawoodashooda

Monday isn't the weekend
Yet Sunday evening is

Logical fallacy

Change123today · 31/03/2022 10:41

It needs to work with what’s best for your daughter first.

Majority of parents it’s usually Fri- Mon - this means it naturally falls on a bank holiday that’s all part of it & it means the parent takes the child back to school on the Monday morning - but these are usually decent fathers who know to wash uniform and make sure homework done!

The teenager years are much more flexible as social lives come into it! I think the parents who co-parent well have a lot more flex in the arrangements. These arrangements usually only work when the parents live closer together and dads aren’t Disney dads and actually parent. The happiest children I’ve seen from divorced parents are the ones who co-parent well and are much more flexible as they move into teenage years.

But it’s so dependent on distance, parenting styles and obviously no concerns around past relationship issues and history etc.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 31/03/2022 10:47

Well for us it was how ever late he could get away with picking them up Friday and how early he could drop them off Sunday but everyone's different

rainbowandglitter · 05/04/2022 11:41

For us every other weekend is Fri evening to Monday school drop off.

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