Going to Court to force someone to accept lump sum

[Rose7728]

Hi

Bit of a strange one and so far i cannot find any similar cases, has anyone had to take their ex to court to force them to accept a lump sum and get the court to sign the property adjustment order to get them to leave the house?

My partners ex refuses to participate in anything. They have frustrated the process in every way possible but we have kept calm, tried to negotiate via mediation and now finally we have arrived at the point of court.

without going into too much detail we have just been trying to give the ex the money they want however out of spite (and they have told multiple people this) they refuse to sign the paperwork etc so its now down to the court. They have stated that the "court does not decide when i leave the house" been 2 years of trying to get them to leave.

Anyone have experience of this? any advice would be appreciated. It appears the ex really aint arsed about money they just want to spite my partner.

@Rose7728 my dp has been in court several times now for finances and child matters - all since covid. It may just be our local courts and maybe things are changing however I can tell you she has been allowed to drag things out, breach orders constantly with no recourse. Even an enforcement of a CAO which she hadn't stuck to was dismissed as she made some agreements to resume contact and immediately back tracked on them 2 days later outside of the court arena. Nothing will happen and at best all she will get is a telling off which is worth nothing.

Strickingly similar to my dp told more than a few mutual friends that she intends to finish my dp off financially, mentally anyway she can and has even wished him dead (bit stuck on that one as she wouldn't get her precious cms but whatever)

It's not about the kids that's the thing I have no clue why they can't just move on. I really do wish you luck. What is the exs intention of using the money for because anything over 16k she gets zero UC anyway (not sure about the disibility parts but thought the cap was the cap) and she would be expected to use that money to live on. I think there's a 6 month grace if it is to be used to purchase a property but she isn't going to be able to get a mortgage.

@Vie8126

What is the exs intention of using the money for because anything over 16k she gets zero UC anyway

Presuming just to fritter up the wall as she cant get a mortgage, will be given a cushy little house on the council with hardly any bills etc. We are well aware of the 16k cap however she does not and refuses to believe whats shes been told (she still does not believe that they are divorced even though she has seen the absolute) so for me let her find out the hard way in court etc.

Thanks for all the advice etc, good to know were not on our own with this sort of situation.

[quote Vie8126]@SeasonFinale if the ex was my friend I would be telling her that what has been offered thus far is fair because I am not a person that gets pleasure out of trying tk screw others over. I too was married owned a property jointly with my XH and we had 3 children we made our own agreement based on being fair yes I could have taken half of his pension, business etc but what's the point in destroying him financially he is my children's father and still has 3 children tk provide a home for as much as I do - despite him only having eow and half the holiday contact. I could have probably got a lot more if I pushed for a court to intervene however I settled for fair to both parties. The problem you have is we have all mentioned unreasonable women out to destroy exes for whatever reason which alters the status quo. If any of these exes were interested in being fair the op wouldn't be posting her dilemma. Therefore, no I disagree if it were a friend of mine I would not be saying 'take him for all his got' I would wonder why they were intent on dragging things out when fair offers had already been made and when their malicious intent was known they would no longer be a friend of mine because they may be mother's but not one of these women is thinking of their children only their own gain and oneupmanship on an ex which is pretty pathetic and petty.

Op, you could be potentially waiting 2 years for a final hearing including giving the ex time to balls about and delay matters by which point yes the youngest would be of an older age. However that would mean the ex is expected to maximise her earnings herself (does she work at all?) and her housing need reduces to just her obviously that means the same for your dp.

Keeping the children 50 50 does change matters, my dps friend was awarded 50 50 custody. They jointly owned a house. His ex wife moved in with her parents leaving him in a 3 bed house. She has had an occupancy order turned down and an appeal to that squashed and the father lives in the fmh. Her moving to her parents large house meant she met her housing needs whereas the father has no family to live with and needs the space for the children. The battle continues with the house and FDR but it can happen.[/quote]
@Vie8126 truly a woman after my own heart. I also wholeheartedly agree with your statement above. I too have an exH and child. We split amicably and we have both walked away equally. We didn't touch pensions etc, because we are adults.

There are far too many bitter women out there. But I suppose there's probably equally bitter men as well!!

[quote Vie8126]@SeasonFinale if the ex was my friend I would be telling her that what has been offered thus far is fair because I am not a person that gets pleasure out of trying tk screw others over. I too was married owned a property jointly with my XH and we had 3 children we made our own agreement based on being fair yes I could have taken half of his pension, business etc but what's the point in destroying him financially he is my children's father and still has 3 children tk provide a home for as much as I do - despite him only having eow and half the holiday contact. I could have probably got a lot more if I pushed for a court to intervene however I settled for fair to both parties. The problem you have is we have all mentioned unreasonable women out to destroy exes for whatever reason which alters the status quo. If any of these exes were interested in being fair the op wouldn't be posting her dilemma. Therefore, no I disagree if it were a friend of mine I would not be saying 'take him for all his got' I would wonder why they were intent on dragging things out when fair offers had already been made and when their malicious intent was known they would no longer be a friend of mine because they may be mother's but not one of these women is thinking of their children only their own gain and oneupmanship on an ex which is pretty pathetic and petty.

Op, you could be potentially waiting 2 years for a final hearing including giving the ex time to balls about and delay matters by which point yes the youngest would be of an older age. However that would mean the ex is expected to maximise her earnings herself (does she work at all?) and her housing need reduces to just her obviously that means the same for your dp.

Keeping the children 50 50 does change matters, my dps friend was awarded 50 50 custody. They jointly owned a house. His ex wife moved in with her parents leaving him in a 3 bed house. She has had an occupancy order turned down and an appeal to that squashed and the father lives in the fmh. Her moving to her parents large house meant she met her housing needs whereas the father has no family to live with and needs the space for the children. The battle continues with the house and FDR but it can happen.[/quote]
And your situation is entirely different to the OPs

@SeasonFinale I have never said it's the same. You said we would all feel different if the ex was a friend of ours with a ex husband like our dps, my point was no I very much woukdnt. Don't you agree it's a shame these women don't take responsibility for their own future rather than pin all the responsibility on an ex husband and think they are now 'owed' a living and feel they have no responsibility to provide for their children themselves? They are obviously entitles to something by the fact they were married but where does it stop? It's not a sweeping statement obviously some are not like that clearly myself and @CoopeyMum are examples of that along with the many many other people that want it finished to move on with their lives. Unfortunately there are these women, of which there is mention of 3 on this thread including the op that feel being married absolves them of any responsibility and they are entitled to a meal ticket for life whilst also allowed to play the court system to ensure their ex husband pays over the odds for legal advice/representation for a laugh. And that is grossly unfair to anyone.

Oh @Vie8126 I could seriously applaude you, absolutely true. Couldn't have summed it up better myself.

Funny we should all be discussing about this, yesterday my DP got his Exs form E. Her sense of entitlement is astounding. Baring in mind, the children they share, they're both named as responsible parents and in the eyes of the court, the children live with both parents equally.
First page on her form E.

I require 100% equity from the sale of the FMH in order to secure a new property. Ha! Is she for real!

She then goes onto say that she earns significantly less than my DP blah blah blah. When I've looked through the supplied bank statements, she has two jobs, a whopping payment from UC, child benefit and CMS. totalling a net income just 4k short of my DP per year!

Yet again, absolutely no regard for the welfare of the children she shares with my DP when it comes to their lifestyle, or accommodation when he has them.

I may have mentioned, the children are 4 days with her and 4 days with my DP over an 8 day rota, completely 50/50. There isn't so much as a sock shared when it comes to the children's belongings, even school uniform isn't shared.

Thankfully, the end is in sight, the one major plus factor in this shit show so far is that she isn't (weirdly so) disputing the sale of the FMH. granted she has said multiple times throughout the form E that my DP is "forcing the sale" - its been 2 years love, and you've been fully divorced with a degree absolute for 10 months! I hardly call it forcing a sale.

@CoopeyMum honestly it really grinds my gears, as a mother you are equally 50% responsible for your children's housing needs and general living costs 100% of that does not fall to the father because you split up especially your OWN living costs!!

Oh don't the UC amounts are gobsmacking aren't they. Dps ex has over 1000 in cms payments too (has other children from a first marriage) nearly 2k in UC, child benefit and her salary payment. She is even trying to get dp to be responsible for the kids that aren't his whose father sees them and contributes to them but she wants double and wants dp to house them?! She left the house in 2018 and has managed to support herself and provide housing since then but now some 4 years later its down to dp to house them. Renting causes her anxiety and mh issues so the only way to resolve them is to live in a mortgaged property that dp should provide because she is unable to get a mortgage as refuses to work more than 20hrs.

Your dps ex sounds on the same deluded train of thought as mine! We have to not share clothes with the ex as dsd comes in dirty tatty stuff that doesn't fit so we end up buying new things and they was going home and not coming back so we ended up keeping them here and changing her back, sound familiar? We also do not even share a sock.

Have you had FDR yet? We have it in June meeting da barrister next month, going with dp to ask the questions he always forgets! Frustrating as we want to move but cannot because of the land registry home rights notice until its finished and we can't help but browse Rightmove and see stuff that's suitable coming and going all the time so will have to stop looking and have faith it will all work out!!

[quote Vie8126]**@SeasonFinale* I have never said it's the same. You said we would all feel different if the ex was a friend of ours with a ex husband like our dps, my point was no I very much woukdnt. Don't you agree it's a shame these women don't take responsibility for their own future rather than pin all the responsibility on an ex husband and think they are now 'owed' a living and feel they have no responsibility to provide for their children themselves? They are obviously entitles to something by the fact they were married but where does it stop? It's not a sweeping statement obviously some are not like that clearly myself and @CoopeyMum* are examples of that along with the many many other people that want it finished to move on with their lives. Unfortunately there are these women, of which there is mention of 3 on this thread including the op that feel being married absolves them of any responsibility and they are entitled to a meal ticket for life whilst also allowed to play the court system to ensure their ex husband pays over the odds for legal advice/representation for a laugh. And that is grossly unfair to anyone.[/quote]
totally agree with you @Vie8126, when i got divorced we didnt try and shaft each other just walked away. Think my DP's ex's biggest issue is that they no longer have access to his bank account and has also lost her whipping boy (she used to make him run all over the place for her etc). 2 years down the line and she still likes to say "after what you have done to me" and treats him like he owes her the world.

@Rose7728 yep I agree that's the issue here too. Thankfully they only speak via solicitors so we don't have to deal with her verbal insults and crap f2f. I don't get it I never will understand it! I hope we all get the closure needed and the chance to move on as soon as possible and I truly hope the court systems starts to crack down on these behaviours. Judges are intelligent people and must see this shit day in day out but guess has to give everyone the benefit of doubt 🙄

[quote Vie8126]@Rose7728 yep I agree that's the issue here too. Thankfully they only speak via solicitors so we don't have to deal with her verbal insults and crap f2f. I don't get it I never will understand it! I hope we all get the closure needed and the chance to move on as soon as possible and I truly hope the court systems starts to crack down on these behaviours. Judges are intelligent people and must see this shit day in day out but guess has to give everyone the benefit of doubt 🙄[/quote]
@Vie8126 i hope so too and i guess due to backlog they will have less tolerance of litigation abuse. We can even speak to her via sol as shes instructed hers to not answer unless its exactly what she wants so we have given up now. My DP often says he would love nothing more than to stop communicating with her however she fails every month to pay her bills on time and uses every excuse to not pay for certain things.

just hate that this may take another 2 years to sort out all the while she struts around with the arrogance that she has the upper hand and loves to rub it in my face.

Good luck to the ladies on here going thru the same

We have our FDR tomorrow!!! Can you believe the cheek of her only disclosing her form E less than 48 hours before court!!

I was astonished yesterday looking at her salary from UC. She doesn't do any food shopping, mostly survives on takeaway. Her bank account rarely goes below 4 figures, she has a steady stream of income of roughly £500 every week from various scrounging enterprises.

Here's me and DP, don't get me wrong, we're not breadline, but chance would be a fine thing to afford to spend £70 on my hair every month (which is clear on bank statements).

Priorities are all wrong & something must be done!!!!

@CoopeyMum

We have our FDR tomorrow!!! Can you believe the cheek of her only disclosing her form E less than 48 hours before court!!

I was astonished yesterday looking at her salary from UC. She doesn't do any food shopping, mostly survives on takeaway. Her bank account rarely goes below 4 figures, she has a steady stream of income of roughly £500 every week from various scrounging enterprises.

Here's me and DP, don't get me wrong, we're not breadline, but chance would be a fine thing to afford to spend £70 on my hair every month (which is clear on bank statements).

Priorities are all wrong & something must be done!!!!

@CoopeyMum

Not much time for you to digest the whole form and put together your questions.

If my DP's ex even submits a form E we wont be asking any questions as there is no point, she refuses to answer anything so will just prolong it in our eyes. We dont want anything from her all we want to do is give her the money she is entitled to and move on with our lives. Good luck with the FDR let us know how it goes

@CoopeyMum wow tomorrow thats fab!!! Oh we already know we won't get form e on time if at all!! Is you DP lip or having a barrister?

Oh goodness I know, dps ex has more disposable income than us both in full time employment no wonder she doesn't want to work FT she's another one that the previous disclosure many years ago showed a bank statement full of takeaways, nail/lash appointments and lots of 'aesthetic' places 🙄

Best of luck for tomorrow please come back and let us know how it went!!

@Rose7728 I agree it is incredibly frustrating but I had to try to look long term and that it will all eventually be over and then what is she going to have to have control over him? F all as my dp says she can try to drag it out but she can't manage it indefinitely the very meaning of the court process means there will be an end eventually. Just try to focus on that xx

He's got himself a barrister. He's so nervous, I really feel for him.

I counted up this afternoon, £300 spent on takeaway /pub meals in 17 separate transactions & that was January! Who's got that kind of disposable income in January?

I will report back at some point tomorrow x

You said he is offering 70/30 equity split with her getting the 70%, what's he actually offering as a share of all assets the family has, including things like cars as well as equity and pension? It sounds like it's 27K equity to her, then 8K equity and 15K pension to him do 23K to him, which is a 54/46 split.

@LunaAndHerMoonDragons

You said he is offering 70/30 equity split with her getting the 70%, what's he actually offering as a share of all assets the family has, including things like cars as well as equity and pension? It sounds like it's 27K equity to her, then 8K equity and 15K pension to him do 23K to him, which is a 54/46 split.

70% Equity of the house 50/50 pension sharing, no cars as she sold it and pocketed the money and no other assets

Honestly, could he not just let her keep it? Equity is £35,000 & he’s offering her £27,000, so he’s only getting £8,000 out of that arrangement. He can live with you, he keeps his pension, he’s got an income, the children can stay in their home for the next few years. He’s in a better financial position than she is and his position has the potential to improve in a way hers doesn’t.

If she can’t afford it once he’s walked away, then she’ll have to make her own decisions accordingly, but he doesn’t need to be involved. Imagine the relief.

@HeddaGarbled

Honestly, could he not just let her keep it? Equity is £35,000 & he’s offering her £27,000, so he’s only getting £8,000 out of that arrangement. He can live with you, he keeps his pension, he’s got an income, the children can stay in their home for the next few years. He’s in a better financial position than she is and his position has the potential to improve in a way hers doesn’t.

If she can’t afford it once he’s walked away, then she’ll have to make her own decisions accordingly, but he doesn’t need to be involved. Imagine the relief.

would you just give someone a house and walk away? that plus she cant afford to keep it would mean the 3 kids would be homeless, my house is too small for them all.

Couldnt see why anyone would just walk away with nothing tbh, would you say the same if it was the other way round?

Or sell the house and split the proceeds. It could be him trying to keep the house and children and family life, only with her removed from it, possibly to be replaced by you shortly, that’s making her dig her heels in.

@viques the ex does not have any capacity to get a mortgage and is looking to get a council place (due to disability requirements) there is 35k in the pot of which we have offered 27k.

I think maybe the “we” isn’t helping. (“We have offered 27k”.)

It’s your boyfriend’s joint marital home and joint marital assets with his wife. So not really your place to be offering her a slice of her own money.

If you want to de-escalate tensions I’d back off. I imagine your involvement in the background is putting her back up somewhat.

[quote Thoosa]**@viques the ex does not have any capacity to get a mortgage and is looking to get a council place (due to disability requirements) there is 35k in the pot of which we have offered 27k.

I think maybe the “we” isn’t helping. (“We have offered 27k”.)

It’s your boyfriend’s joint marital home and joint marital assets with his wife. So not really your place to be offering her a slice of her own money.

If you want to de-escalate tensions I’d back off. I imagine your involvement in the background is putting her back up somewhat.[/quote]
Just to be clear i have never communicated with her and i have no intention too. i leave that to him and his solicitor

also, they are divorced so ex wife

@HeddaGarbled

Or sell the house and split the proceeds. It could be him trying to keep the house and children and family life, only with her removed from it, possibly to be replaced by you shortly, that’s making her dig her heels in.

i do see your point there. there has never been any intention of me moving in and she knows this but guess it adds to the conflict. If the kids were not so attached to the house i would say sell as well tbh would be best for all. Clean fresh start etc

Wife, ex wife, doesn’t make any difference to the fact that they are their marital assets.

I hope your boyfriend isn’t slipping up and doing the “we” thing.

I know what a PITA it is to have divorce issues unresolved, and started reading this thread sympathetically, but actually I can see the other side. None of us would like our EXH’s new girlfriend picking over what we spend on haircuts and what type of food we buy or getting involved in what the settlement should be. I thank my stars I’ve never been in that situation. It would feel so intrusive.

Worth considering if the aim is to cool things down.

So, for those who are waiting on baited breath. First meeting happened today.

Barrister got the measure of her straight away. She was told to negotiate, a strip was torn from her for the late reports etc.

Next meeting some time in the summer, hopefully it will be a final meeting.

Ultimately, the house has got to be sold. But she stood her ground wanting 100% equity, hid behind the kids when challenged by everything.

Even attempted an Oscar winning performance of "I'm going to faint"