Husband incensed at 50/50 idea

[jorisbonsun]

Hi I just need a perspective on my husbands position and how he might be thinking.

Married 6 yrs and children. Both agreed to split (he has been horrible, lying about money and affair etc) I know that doesn't come into financial decision. Will have some sort of shared care arrangement.

I've paid about 25% bills since we moved in together. Both brought same amount into marriage. I had long mat leave, went part time, now retraining and also do some freelance work.

He was a massive earner after our marriage, but it's all been put into loads of different investments and accounts.

He's furious that I have even suggested a 50/50 split as start point. He tried to give me a lump sum. I saw a sol who said this seemed like nothing in grand scheme. He's still mad and wants me out of house. Im staying put, asking for full financial disclosure then getting more legal advice with view to agreed financial order hopefully. I know it needs to get sealed etc. I want out from his dodgy ways and businesses. I don't have lots of cash for a solicitor in meantime.

He's making me question myself as if I want to grab all his money? The whole thing just makes me feel ill tbh I just want a secure home. Can anyone give a view on all this. Thanks

@olympicsrock

Yes SHL up and a forensic accountant. They will make sure the law is followed.

Be a stuck record “ I only want what the law says I am entitled to”

Definitely. Don’t scrimp on the lawyer now. If you need forensic accountant then so be it. Money spent now will secure you and Tyrone kids a better future. This man is not your friend. He will not act in your best interests. Sadly, he will probably not act in the children’s best interest either.

Not sure where Tyrone came from ! Should say “the”

@2DogsOnMySofa

Look at it this way op. If you hadn't been around, and he'd have had to care for his kids, would he still have been able to build his business or further his career. You having maternity leave, being a sahp and then going part time, has enabled him to earn as much as he has done. Without you that wouldn't have been possible, as he wouldn't have been able to put the hours in or have had to pay a nanny or childcare. He would also have had to run his own household and done the life admin.

Just because you haven't physically paid money into the accounts, doesn't mean you haven't been contributing

Go grey rock and deal with him via your solicitor. If you can I'd also recommend a forensic accountant as he'll be hiding money left right and centre at the moment

This. Exactly this.

50:50 is absolutely a fair starting point. He’s ignoring the value of what you gave to the family but if he’d been doing his share of childcare he would never have got such a high salary. Part of that salary reflects your contribution and is yours. Also your future salary prospects are much lower than his because you were contributing your time and energy to the household instead of to an employer. You deserve to be compensated for that.

Don’t let him bully you anymore.

If you will be resident parent of children after the divorce there is a very good chance you will get more than 50%. Its fairness but not as he understands it (I earned it, its mine).

What is considered fair is that everyone gets what they need and can live their lives post divorce, putting needs and welfare of the children of the relationship first. The children primarily need as secure and comfortable a home as possible.

So he has a great career and earns plenty, and will likely have the freedom to continue to do so. So he can get another mortgage rebuild his equity and have a good financial future.

Whereas you have sacrificed your career opportunities to support him and do the work of the family that is not financially rewarded. And you will continue to do this. So you have not and will not have the same opportunities in the future, thus your needs are greater than his.

You need a very good lawyer who will not dally around wasting money trying to convince an unreasonable person to be reasonable. Get recommendations from other women who were happy with their outcomes. And get your case to Court asap. Men like this will never understand the reality of the situation and they need the Big Judge Man to tell them like it is.

Get as much info on your financials as you can, pensions, investments, assets, etc He will try to hide it, he already is.

What career did you sacrifice and can you return - you can only have been out if it a few years ? How old are your children?
Is it something you can return to ? Many mums work full time myself included

"Both brought same amount into marriage".
"He was a massive earner after our marriage"

If anything, these make it more likely a 50/50 is the best HE can hope for. There's an argument for protecting some pre-marriage assets, but less commonly for post-marriage ones.

Maybe tell him to consult a family solicitor himself and ask about whether 50/50 is on the cards ...

Op you have t stated what assets and £ are available nor what debts
Of course no one expects you to do so here but I think that has a baring on the % possible
Eg if you only have say 50k assets you may see the argument that you get I don’t know 80% if that, whereas if you have 500k maybe it’s 50:50 etc

I think you need to work out
What assets and debts there are
What are housing needs
Can you raise a mortgage and if so how much
What share do you need
How will he be housed
Wgat mortgage can ge get

Etc etc
Divorce is about aiming to leave both parties on similar footing but that rarely means 50:50 unless in very long marriages or if lots of assets. Usually it will be based more on a needs basis

@millymolls

Op you have t stated what assets and £ are available nor what debts Of course no one expects you to do so here but I think that has a baring on the % possible Eg if you only have say 50k assets you may see the argument that you get I don’t know 80% if that, whereas if you have 500k maybe it’s 50:50 etc

I think you need to work out
What assets and debts there are
What are housing needs
Can you raise a mortgage and if so how much
What share do you need
How will he be housed
Wgat mortgage can ge get

Etc etc
Divorce is about aiming to leave both parties on similar footing but that rarely means 50:50 unless in very long marriages or if lots of assets. Usually it will be based more on a needs basis

This is sensible advice.

There are factors that shift 50:50 up and factors that bring it back down again. I wouldn’t assume anything but 50:50 based on this lack of information. The numbers will identified and the law applied. That’s the long and short of it. Both will be aggrieved over something.

@millymolls

What career did you sacrifice and can you return - you can only have been out if it a few years ? How old are your children? Is it something you can return to ? Many mums work full time myself included

I can't really name the career as potentially outing but long unpredictable hours and nature of work meant that it wasn't really compatible with childcare especially with husband earning so much more in an also unpredictable role with lots of travel and late nights.

So im doing some self-employed work whilst training in another area- all of this with aim to get a full time role in something more child friendly. I've been doing full time hours for a year or so now but just very flexibly and I don't yet have a contract, salary, pension etc again but should do when I've completed my training.

Absolutely go SHL if estate isbig enough/you can pay for it.
Form E full disclosure
Assets are marital assets
50/50 starting point. If you are primary caregiver and have less earning power/mortgage potential your needs might be greater - 60/40 or 70/30 depending on his mortgage potential, house prices, needs of children . Eg if £££ in estate, you will get bigger share to add to your smaller mortgage potential - he needs smaller deposit to add to his mortgage power .
The fact you've only paid 25 pc of whatever since having kids irrelevant - you enabled him to earn
MCA 75 or 73 has a list of things they look at
Form E all the way
Dig in, buckle up,good luck , fight for your children's security