Positive post-divorce stories please

WingingIt90909 · 2022-03-08T11:33:09+00:00

I'd really like to hear from anyone who's been through the divorce process and come out the other side, who now feels positive about the future, and the decision they made. Going through the process at the moment, and underestimated how drained I would feel by it all. Feeling okay some days, and then full of fear the next, worrying about whether I've made the right decision or not! In need of some positivity today. Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

treasure47 · 08/03/2022 14:22

Following as I'd like to hear these too!

Shibby585 · 08/03/2022 18:28

There most definitely is light at the end of the tunnel, my (now) husband was divorcing his (then) ex wife.on the grounds of 5 years. It was a DIY divorce that he applied for himself online. His ex wife didn't sign the papers which meant it went to court and we had to get a judge do an order for service deemed, this turned the online application into a paper one which took 5 months to move to nisi. He then applied for nisi but the marriage certificate had spelt his name wrong so they sent it back after a 4 month wait and we had to reapply with evidence. Then he applied for the financial which she initially refused to sign, then when she finally did the judge sent it back asking questions. Myself and husband we due to get married may 2021 and only just got the financial sorted two weeks before our wedding. (we had to apply for absolute early). Now we have been married almost a year and are planning a party to celebrate as we could only have 15 people. We have our own house together and now she can't hold stuff over him by saying she won't get divorced or she will do xyz. The only contact he now has to have with her is regarding his daughter who is almost 18. The stress and anxiety has left him finally.

Original poster

WingingIt90909 · 08/03/2022 18:47

Thanks Shibby, good to hear from people who have come out of the other side of it. It's stressful, and there are so many opportunities for the other party to screw things up/delay.
Congrats on getting through it, and tying the knot! Hope you have a lovely party

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gogohm · 08/03/2022 18:50

I met dp a few months after my marriage imploded, I was feeling so low - like life was over. Life is brilliant now, we were in similar circumstances and it just works.

claireb7rg · 08/03/2022 18:59

I left my ex H 7 years ago and divorced him 6 years ago. Took that long to sell property we had.

I'm now happy with current partner and we have 2 (adopted) children, a lovely house that we created (decorated every room to our taste - ex H was boring and hated doing things like that so walls were all plain cream and furniture was very very basic).

I should have left my ex H years before I did ( in fact shouldn't have really married him) but if I had, I would never have met current partner as I relocated due to ex H redundancy and wouldn't live in this area if I hadnt

Original poster

WingingIt90909 · 08/03/2022 19:18

This gives me hope! It's good to know life goes on and gets better. I think I probably should've done this a lot sooner too, it's so easy to let time pass and not do anything about being unhappy in the wrong relationship

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treasure47 · 08/03/2022 19:31

What are the issues in your marriage OP? I think it's probably worse when nothing "bad" has happened, you don't hate the other person or anything, it's just not right anymore (speaking from experience anyway).

Good luck, I'm sure there is light at the end of the tunnel for you.

Original poster

WingingIt90909 · 08/03/2022 19:46

It's hard to pinpoint one particular issue to be honest. Lots of emotional turmoil over last few years, and just feel like I'm done, I don't want to deal with the same issues / behaviours anymore. But we've been together for a long time, so there's history and lots of good memories, makes it painful to say goodbye to all that. I just know we're not compatible anymore.

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treasure47 · 08/03/2022 19:54

@WingingIt90909

It's hard to pinpoint one particular issue to be honest. Lots of emotional turmoil over last few years, and just feel like I'm done, I don't want to deal with the same issues / behaviours anymore. But we've been together for a long time, so there's history and lots of good memories, makes it painful to say goodbye to all that. I just know we're not compatible anymore.

It is hard when you've been together so long (in my case, my first and only partner!) - we have lots of good memories too and it's easy to dwell on the past. A big life change is terrifying but I'm sure will present lots of opportunities too.

Glendaruel · 08/03/2022 19:59

Best thing that happened. I went back to uni, backpacker around italy, taught English in Korea, went into career I love, wrote a book, got my masters,met a lovely man that respects me and now have a beautiful wee girl. Divorce was the start of that journey to reclaim my life.

Original poster

WingingIt90909 · 08/03/2022 20:20

Is yours an amicable divorce decision Treasure? We're trying to keep things amicable, but it's challenging

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Original poster

WingingIt90909 · 08/03/2022 20:21

@Glendaruel

Best thing that happened. I went back to uni, backpacker around italy, taught English in Korea, went into career I love, wrote a book, got my masters,met a lovely man that respects me and now have a beautiful wee girl. Divorce was the start of that journey to reclaim my life.

Well that sounds amazing! Good for you. I totally get what you mean by reclaiming, it does feel like that.

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LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 08/03/2022 20:28

it was rough for a while but XDH and I are now both very happily remarried to much more suitable people. The kids are grown and flown so in all honesty I can't remember when I last saw him. Very definitely a case of onwards and upwards for both of us.

treasure47 · 08/03/2022 20:32

@WingingIt90909

Is yours an amicable divorce decision Treasure? We're trying to keep things amicable, but it's challenging

It's not a mutual decision but I'm hoping it can be amicable in time. After the initial conversation there was a lot of anger from his side but since then we've been able to speak calmly about it. Still haven't made any concrete decisions though and not sure what to do next. I feel incredibly guilty as we have a DS too. The thing is, we can get along fine, and I actually think we could have a fairly good co parenting relationship in time. It's scary though because we've been together since we were teens so we don't really know who we are without the other!

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 08/03/2022 20:43

I never felt like I'd made the wrong decision but oh my word it was so so exhausting.

Several years down the line and we are both in other relationships. Kids have a great relationship with my partner and I feel like I'm with the person I'll spend the rest of my life with... I used to be with a person I dreaded coming home every evening.

It will be worth it

Original poster

WingingIt90909 · 08/03/2022 20:51

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I initiated it, and things were frosty for a while. I have a DS too. We're planning on filing for divorce next month. Trying to figure out finances and parenting plan, and most likely some mediation sessions. It's definitely a case of redefining yourself after such a long period of time with one person. I'm thinking I might try to pick up some of my old hobbies again, or try something completely new.

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Original poster

WingingIt90909 · 08/03/2022 20:54

@PosiePerkinPootleFlump

I never felt like I'd made the wrong decision but oh my word it was so so exhausting.

Several years down the line and we are both in other relationships. Kids have a great relationship with my partner and I feel like I'm with the person I'll spend the rest of my life with... I used to be with a person I dreaded coming home every evening.

It will be worth it

Yes I really dread him coming home each night, I totally get that feeling. Did it take a while to settle into a new routine once you were living separate lives? I'm finding that hard to envisage as we're still under the same roof, and suspect we will be for the entirety of the divorce proceedings.

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treasure47 · 08/03/2022 21:01

@WingingIt90909

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I initiated it, and things were frosty for a while. I have a DS too. We're planning on filing for divorce next month. Trying to figure out finances and parenting plan, and most likely some mediation sessions. It's definitely a case of redefining yourself after such a long period of time with one person. I'm thinking I might try to pick up some of my old hobbies again, or try something completely new.

Yes very similar! It was only a very recent final decision (over a year since I initially told him I wasn't happy and we've kind of plodded on since then but things came to a bit of a head and I realised that being in limbo wasn't doing either of us any good). I do feel really sad about it, the fact that we'll have to sell our house, where we'll live, etc. I'm quite an independent person and do most of the life organising/childcare/housework (part of the issue!) so I don't actually find the idea of living alone (with DS part of the time) daunting, it's more fear of the unknown and that it would be a while until I felt settled. Taking up hobbies is definitely a good idea. As scary as most of it sounds, the idea of "discovering" who I am on my own is actually quite exciting.

Original poster

WingingIt90909 · 08/03/2022 21:28

@LadyGardenersQuestionTime

it was rough for a while but XDH and I are now both very happily remarried to much more suitable people. The kids are grown and flown so in all honesty I can't remember when I last saw him. Very definitely a case of onwards and upwards for both of us.

That sounds like a very positive outcome, esp. finding a more suitable match 😊

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PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 08/03/2022 21:54

I initiated the split and he tried to persuade me otherwise. But he did move out quickly... It must be hard in the same house. For a short time he was adamant we would eg all go out together for kids birthdays but it just wasn't going to work when he was so angry at me for ending it.
Now we have separate lives... We will chat and be civil on handover etc but don't actively do stuff together with the kids or anything

peppapigonaloop · 10/03/2022 18:42

I could have written this exact post. I’m in a really similar situation to you, we’ve been through the him being very angry stage but are now back at upset and it’s very exhausting. Im more excited for my future than afraid at the moment but I feel like I’m just at the start of a really long tunnel! Hoping there is light somewhere at the end

Original poster

WingingIt90909 · 10/03/2022 19:49

@peppapigonaloop

I could have written this exact post. I’m in a really similar situation to you, we’ve been through the him being very angry stage but are now back at upset and it’s very exhausting. Im more excited for my future than afraid at the moment but I feel like I’m just at the start of a really long tunnel! Hoping there is light somewhere at the end

Yep, excited and exhausted in equal measure here too. He's still in the angry stage at the moment, and I'm the bad guy for initiating the divorce, and won't take responsibility for any of his bad behaviour that led to this. I'm looking forward to having my own place. Hang in there, I've been told there is life after divorce!

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BobbinThreadbare123 · 10/03/2022 19:54

There definitely is life after. I was devastated when XH dropped the bombshell (OW came out of woodwork, got The Script etc) but I am ultimately very glad. I moved house, changed job, met DH about a year after my divorce came through and I am so much happier. It truly turned out to be freedom. No kids involved so never need to see XH's stupid face ever again

treasure47 · 22/03/2022 13:51

How are you doing @WingingIt90909? Interested to hear where you are in the process and how things are going?

Original poster

WingingIt90909 · 22/03/2022 16:10

I'm loving these positive post-divorce stories...there is life after divorce!
Hey @treasure47 I'm getting on ok thanks, got an appointment with solicitor this week to clarify my options, and what I can realistically ask for/negotiate. Also seems there is a potential job offer/promotion coming up for me, so that will help with becoming financially independent :)
Husband won't move out until divorce proceedings concluded, so it looks like another 6 months of living together! Will just have to get on with it I guess.
How are you getting on?

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