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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Divorce/spousal maintenance

31 replies

Kl2000 · 06/03/2022 04:01

Advice wanted or has anyone any similar experiences…. My husband and I separated when my daughter was 6 weeks old (our only child together). We are using solicitors to try and come to a financial arrangement. I own our house and put in £30k for the deposit, he put in £12k. He is claiming that his mental health is too bad to access his bank statements to enable full financial disclosure, but he’s well enough to instruct a solicitor, look after a baby and give other documents like tax returns etc. So to my solicitor and I see this is a bit of a red flag. I have continually asked him for financial disclosure as it’s normal divorce process and I have a tiny baby that I looking after (on statutory maternity leave) to the point where my parents are having to help me financially because he isn’t. He doesn’t want to give me any spousal maintenance and only wants ‘his £12k’ back. He also hasn’t made any CM payments. He’s made no effort to support his baby daughter at all or even see her. My argument (and my solicitors) is that I am totally financially vulnerable and I can’t work at the moment as the baby is so young. If it wasn’t for my parents, I would have defaulted on the mortgage and be using food banks. I don’t see the logic in, in theory, giving him money as let of the divorce, while I receive nothing at all and need money so badly. Has anyone had a similar experience?

OP posts:
Lookingforphev · 06/03/2022 04:15

How old is your baby now?

Was it a long marriage and were you together long before getting married?

Divorce takes a while so it's likey your maternity leave will have ended by the time its sorted.

You should push for full financial disclosure so all the assets can be reviewed.

Spousal maintenance is usually only done when the they are an extremely high earner and its not usually for a long time.

But if he has a huge amount in savings, you may get more in the settlement.

You need to claim CMS.

Original poster
Kl2000 · 06/03/2022 04:32

To add:

  • I left due to domestic abuse experienced in pregnancy and when the baby was born
  • I am staying with my parents so to enable ex to be in the house before his new lease on a new flat starts
  • he’s choosing not to be there, but paying to rent in the short term in central london
  • he gets his new flat in a few weeks and the rent is £2200 a month
  • he’s self employed, puts loads through his business and has a very good lifestyle
OP posts:
Original poster
Kl2000 · 06/03/2022 04:37

The baby is now 18 weeks old.

We were together for 6 years, married for 3.

It’s awful how I have spent my mat Leave dealing with all of this. It’s taking over my life. My mat leave ends in July but I’m a teacher will have some time with baby over the summer holidays.

I will push my solicitor to get CMS in the interim.

The monthly rent on his new flat is pretty much x4 more than the monthly mortgage payments. I have no savings and baby and I are fully financially supported by my parents

OP posts:
Shesmyperson · 06/03/2022 05:09

I am not sure if your solicitor will do CMS. You usually do that yourself. Its not oart of the divorce process.

CMS is much more difficult to get a fair amount when self employed. But you need to start your claim ASAP.

You will be back at work and probably will have been for while, by the time that it is all sorted.

Have you been paying towards the mortgage, while you don't live there? How are you going to afford to move back in?

I wouldn't count on SM, push for full financial disclosure (though he may be dragging this out to increase your legal fees) and look at getting a bigger portion of the assets.

Original poster
Kl2000 · 06/03/2022 05:28

Yes, as he’s self employed I know he does very ‘clever accounting’. He has a 16 year old daughter and I know he pays the bare minimum in child maintenance (they didn’t go through the CMS) based on his profit etc.

I have been paying the mortgage even though I haven’t been there, as it is in my name and didn’t want to default or it impact my credit rating. My parents have kindly helped but cannot do this for much longer.

As it stands I would be getting none of his assets, he simply wants some of mine. Is this fair?! And normal?

OP posts:
millymolls · 06/03/2022 08:13

You need to file fir maintenance pending suit - ie but spousal maintenance once divorced /part of the settlement but the interim period in between

Then as part of the divorce settlement work on what that looks like of which ( temporary) spousal may ( or may not) be awarded

millymolls · 06/03/2022 08:14

But = not

DenholmElliot · 06/03/2022 08:35

If you can afford the mortgage then I'd give him £12k just to fuck off to be honest. It's a bargain really, when you think about the hidden costs that were involved in purchasing the property to start with.

CJsGoldfish · 07/03/2022 01:27

Honestly, I'd concentrate on getting CM set up, agree to the 12k and move on. You get the house which is likely the biggest asset.

I doubt SM is realistic and I wouldn't be sinking my money in to solicitor fees to continue fighting for something you're not likely to get. It's not fair, sure, but I'd seriously think about whether it is going to end up a sunk cost situation.

timeisnotaline · 07/03/2022 02:34

They’ve been married 6 years and she’s on maternity leave. I don’t think you’ll get spousal maintenance but I’d say I can’t give you anything until we’ve had full financial disclosure. He might have savings or a pension surely that the op should have a share of?

Original poster
Kl2000 · 07/03/2022 03:15

To add:

  • I left due to domestic abuse experienced in pregnancy and when the baby was born
  • I am staying with my parents so to enable ex to be in the house before his new lease on a new flat starts
  • he’s choosing not to be there, but paying to rent in the short term in central london
  • he gets his new flat in a few weeks and the rent is £2200 a month
  • he’s self employed, puts loads through his business and has a very good lifestyle

As the house is in my name and I bought the house, minus his £12k, I haven’t wanted to not pay the mortgage and so I’ve paid it (with parental assistance) along with council tax, insurance, water etc and everything for our daughter and according to his solicitor, keeps changing his mind as to whether he’s going to give me any money. I have absolutely no money, and so to then release £12k and give it to him while I have no cash flow at the moment seems crazy!

OP posts:
Maxiedog123 · 07/03/2022 03:40

Given what you have said about his self employment and lifestyle I wouldn't be surprised if he had a fair amount in pension and savings, far more than the 12000 pounds he wants from the house.
It also seems dodgy that he is dragging his feet on financial disclosure, perhaps hoping you will become desperate and agree to anything. There is a long running thread in relationships where an exh had 500 000 pounds in a secret pension.

istandwithukraine · 07/03/2022 04:56

I can’t work at the moment as the baby is so young

Lots of women go back to work at 18 weeks / it's not that young - if your parents can help with childcare I'd be looking to return to work

You won't get spousal maintenance unless he earns 100,000s

keysonthetable · 07/03/2022 06:41

My babies were much younger than 18 weeks when I had to return to work or lose my income source altogether.

Have you checked out the financial support you'd be entitled to ? (From the state, not from your stbxh.

Quitelikeit · 07/03/2022 06:52

You need to claim universal credit. Child benefit. Council tax discount.

You could go to the CSA for maintenance as he isn’t going to give you anything otherwise. However you have mentioned how he manipulates the system to pay his eldest child’s mother the bare minimum so good luck with that.

Quitelikeit · 07/03/2022 06:53

And yes also think about when you are returning to work so that you can increase your income that way.

Spousal maintenance might be v hard to get and even if you got it that could be some time away.

Suretobe · 07/03/2022 06:56

@DenholmElliot

If you can afford the mortgage then I'd give him £12k just to fuck off to be honest. It's a bargain really, when you think about the hidden costs that were involved in purchasing the property to start with.
This is a terrible assumption. OP has said nothing about whether he has other assets.
AuntieStella · 07/03/2022 07:45

As you are employed (on maternity leave) then it's quite unlikely you wouid get spousal maintenance after a short marriage such as yours. Except perhaps on a very short-term basis, such as to top up during the latter months of maternity leave, but as you don't need any period of retraining to re-enter the work force because you haven't left it, that won't really apply.

Lots of people go back to work immediately after maternity leave - and when I had my first, mat leave was 18 weeks total. Your baby will be fine! You do need to start to look for childcare now.

It's probably going to be a long slog to sort out the financial settlement.
I agree that his refusal is highly suggestive of him hiding something (whether from you or from the tax man).

What does your solicitor recommend as next steps? Court?

DenholmElliot · 07/03/2022 09:15

@Kl2000

To add:
  • I left due to domestic abuse experienced in pregnancy and when the baby was born
  • I am staying with my parents so to enable ex to be in the house before his new lease on a new flat starts
  • he’s choosing not to be there, but paying to rent in the short term in central london
  • he gets his new flat in a few weeks and the rent is £2200 a month
  • he’s self employed, puts loads through his business and has a very good lifestyle

As the house is in my name and I bought the house, minus his £12k, I haven’t wanted to not pay the mortgage and so I’ve paid it (with parental assistance) along with council tax, insurance, water etc and everything for our daughter and according to his solicitor, keeps changing his mind as to whether he’s going to give me any money. I have absolutely no money, and so to then release £12k and give it to him while I have no cash flow at the moment seems crazy!

OK. So he's offered to accept £12k which you're refusing.

What will your counter offer be then? You need to go back to him with a counter offer now if you don't agree the offer he's made.

Maxiedog123 · 07/03/2022 09:17

Can't really get back to him with a counteroffer til he discloses his other assets like pensions and savings

Bananarama21 · 07/03/2022 09:22

You won't get spousal maintenance your marriage is very short, your old enough to work and put your child in childcare and support yourself spousal support is rarely given but on the occassion it is granted they are a high earner, the marriage was long think 20 years and the partners earning potential was limited due to looking after children and enabling her dps career and will struggle yo establish a career of their own. This isn't the case. Of course divide the assets but you want get payment for upkeep only your child.

LittleOwl153 · 07/03/2022 09:35

I would go back to the solicitor and say given his high earnings you are seeking child maintenance of £1200 a month and £1000 spousal maintenance per month until end July in order to care properly for your baby until you can return to work.
I would confirm that you would only be prepared to discuss his £12,000 once the sm and cm has been agreed, and paid, including arrears, and his full financial disclosure as of the date of the split is made available. Until that time there will be no futher discussion as you are concentrating on the baby (and don't want to run up more fees!).

LittleOwl153 · 07/03/2022 09:40

Oh amdnif the house is in your name, reclaim it. Change the locks and secure it. Do not allow him access - he doesn't need it and you don't want him (or anyone else) squatting in it!

millymolls · 07/03/2022 09:41

As I stated upthread - you need to apply for maintenance suit - a temporary arrangement of who pays what whimsy Woking through the divorce

Longer term you’ll need to agree settlement which is unlikely to involve ongoing spousal

BattenbergdowntheHatches · 07/03/2022 10:25

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