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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Ex wants to force me to sell

58 replies

WAAAM · 20/02/2022 20:54

I've split with my partner. We were not married. We have 2 kids of which I am the primary carer. He sees one child up 2 twice per the week and the other not at all. He took me to court re custody of the kids but due to his abusive behaviour one child does not have to have any contact.
He says he's going to take me to court to sell the family home. We have a joint mortgage. He rents elsewhere and I live in the house. I own it 75%, him 25% on the deeds. He was removed from the house by social services at the time. I pay all the mortgage and bills and he refuses to pay any CM. It has been over 2 years. I earn very little so cannot remortgage for larger to pay him off. I have however offered him a decent amount which isn't 25% but almost 20%. And willing to never chase for CM despite him earning good money but self employed! I cannot get more. If he takes me to court is it likely I would be forced to sell or would I stay until kids 18 as I am main carer and can afford all the mortgage? Thank you

OP posts:
Goatsaregreat · 20/02/2022 20:58

Hi OP.
Think you've posted this in the wrong place - might be better in Relationships for answers?
I've reported your thread to MNHQ and hopefully they'll move it for you.

RandomMess · 20/02/2022 21:01

I think you can apply for a mesher order to stay because you have his DC to house.

This needs to be in legal.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 20/02/2022 21:02

Nobody can promise you but it is more likely than not that you could put a good case for being allowed to stay as is until the children are over 18

Ignore his threats. If he takes it to court then get representation

Bouledeneige · 20/02/2022 21:11

It is possible to pay him what you can and him have a charge on the property until a later date when you pay him out or sell to do so. I did this with my XH. But it does require him to agree to that. I think he could insist on you selling to release his share. But, I'm not sure about how the abuse impacts on the situation. You need to get legal advice.

MNHQ
LivMumsnet · 20/02/2022 21:18

Hi there, @WAAAM, we're really sorry to hear that you're having a tough time. We've moved your thread over to our Divorce/Separation thread and there's bound to be lots of wise posters who can offer you advice and support. Do let us know if we can help further though. Good luck. Flowers

millymolls · 20/02/2022 21:54

You can’t apply fir a mesher as you’re not married
You could be forced to sell if you can’t give his 25%
I think you’d have to go down tolata route which can be costly but there’s no automatic right to remain until children are 18

You need legal advice

How much are we talking in terms of difference between what you can reuse vs wgat the 25% share is worth ( factor in selling costs etc)

frazzledasarock · 20/02/2022 21:59

Does he work for a company and get paid normally? If so apply to CMS for child maintenance.

Original poster
WAAAM · 20/02/2022 22:06

I think his share would be around £130k. I've offered £100k. I would take on mortgage. He earns decent money and I'm paying the mortgage. The children are 9 and 12. I'm happy to forfeit CM IE never receive a penny. He could still use the money I've offered as a deposit on a house. Solicitor says I would more than likely be able to stay as the house was bought as a family home and the children come first. Also he has been offered a decent sum. I wondered if anyone else had been in the same situation? It's so worrying.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 20/02/2022 22:09

Can you claim child support to help you in the meantime

Doanythingforlove · 20/02/2022 22:09

Yes I was in the same situation and we went to court and we had to sell up to split the equity. I had two small children who stayed with me that ex didn’t even see. It’s not a given that you can stay in the house any more as a clean break is preferred.

Theunamedcat · 20/02/2022 22:10

You could make an offer for part now the rest in ten years or something but see what a solicitor says if there was domestic violence I think you might get legal aid?

millymolls · 20/02/2022 23:02

Remember they are not married so it’s a different situation and different legal avenues that would need pursuing

Don’t forgo cms though !

Original poster
WAAAM · 20/02/2022 23:02

Omg really. I was so hoping this wouldn't be the case. Were you married @Theunamedcat ?

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 21/02/2022 08:35

I was married but thankfully we rented I got legal aid due to domestic abuse though

Original poster
WAAAM · 21/02/2022 10:01

@Doanythingforlove were you unmarried, did you offer him a fair share and did you own most of the house? Trying to see how similar. It seems mad if I can afford to live here and I own the majority that I would have to leave. I'm surprised that he is willing to go to court again after losing out on the children in court. Thanks

OP posts:
BluebellsGreenbells · 21/02/2022 10:06

Where is the £100,000 K coming from?

Another idea is if you can sell his 25% to someone else - family for instance - if they are loaning you the money they may be able to get the difference -

LemonTT · 21/02/2022 10:12

If his share of the equity is £130k that means you have £390k capital to play with. That’s a lot of money you can use to house yourself and the children. The only reason to keep his share tied up would be because you cannot house you and the children.

Imdonna · 21/02/2022 10:13

I don't think you can forgo ever claiming cms. That would have to be based on trust of you never claiming.

I don't know the legal ins and outs. However, I have had 2 friends in similar positions. One had to sell, because they couldn't remortgage. One had to give the full amount their ex was entitled to and did with the help of their parents. From what I understood, because they were not married it wasn't about weighing up assets and deciding whats gair based in wages and earning etc. They were entitled to what it said on the deeds. In your case 25% of the equity in the property.

Rainbowqueeen · 21/02/2022 10:17

Claim cms. He is clearly going to be a dick. Not claiming won’t change that abs also will make him see you as a pushover.

Use it to build up some savings so you can pay for legal advice.

RandomMess · 21/02/2022 10:19

OP probably hasn't gone to CMS as he's self-employed and no doubt will wangle not having to pay anything.

inheritancetrack · 21/02/2022 10:24

Ideally buy him out and remortgage.

TulaOfDarkWater · 21/02/2022 12:52

OP if this gets to court you will probably be forced to sell.

  1. You don’t get to decide what is a “fair share”, you are not married & he owns 25% of the house therefore he is entitled to 25%, no more or no less. You can’t arbitrarily decide that 20% is more than enough for him and I’m sure you wouldn’t like it either if he wanted to put your legal agreement aside and claim an extra 5% from you. The best you can hope for is that he agrees to defer when he collects his equity, going down this route might make a private agreement more likely rather than saying he just gets 5% less.
  1. Child maintenance is a separate issue and you cannot offset it against equity because maintenance is actually for the children - not you - therefore you have no right to decide to forgo it. Also any private or court ordered maintenance agreement can be challenged via CMS (court ordered after 12 months) so is non binding anyway. For example, you can say you won’t go after maintenance but then change your mind and do so despite the original agreement so your ex would have to take your word for it that you wouldn’t .
  1. If your ex’s share is 130k that means you have 390k in equity, it is going to be next to impossible to argue in court that selling the house is going to put you into financial hardship or that you will be unable to house the children on that. Courts work on a ‘needs’ basis and not a ‘wants’ basis.
  1. Even with people who are married, courts are favouring clean breaks these days so to be honest you’d be better off selling & getting rid of him instead of wasting money on going to court when you are very likely to lose.

Sorry OP, I wish things were different but it’s important to be realistic.

grandmashotdoodlebugs · 21/02/2022 13:19

Is he employed? Claim CMS and use this income to add to your borrowing potential to be able to give him 25%

If he is self employed, can you get at his accounts?

You're missing a trick here !

Original poster
WAAAM · 21/02/2022 15:25

Yes I will have enough equity to buy another house but this is my home. He's paid hardly a penny and I was a fool to give him as much of the deeds. The 100k is from savings and family. I can't get more and can't remortgage. He was removed from the house due to hitting our daughter so I feel sickened that he can now pay no cm (I am trying to get it but he's self employed so always harder). Leave me paying all bills and joint mortgage and then make me sell. The difference between what I'm offering and what he's entitled to isn't so much that he couldn't buy a house. He can get a mortgage as he's earning plenty. I was hoping that I wouldn't be made to sell as the court like as little disruption to the children's lives as possible?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 21/02/2022 15:34

You need a shit hot lawyer that specialises in your circumstances and gets good results.

I don't know if you can ask for his share of the mortgage payments and his CM owed to be deducted from his share. Again you can offer x amount now and the balance in the future.

Presumably he doesn't care enough about the DC to let them stay there.

You could self rep to save money and let him drag you through the courts, then once forced to sell it could take quite some time as you have to agree on the sale price and offers made etc.

I've know it go on for years. Would buying time make you able to raise more £ to buy him out?

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