Ex wants to force me to sell

[WAAAM]

I've split with my partner. We were not married. We have 2 kids of which I am the primary carer. He sees one child up 2 twice per the week and the other not at all. He took me to court re custody of the kids but due to his abusive behaviour one child does not have to have any contact.
He says he's going to take me to court to sell the family home. We have a joint mortgage. He rents elsewhere and I live in the house. I own it 75%, him 25% on the deeds. He was removed from the house by social services at the time. I pay all the mortgage and bills and he refuses to pay any CM. It has been over 2 years. I earn very little so cannot remortgage for larger to pay him off. I have however offered him a decent amount which isn't 25% but almost 20%. And willing to never chase for CM despite him earning good money but self employed! I cannot get more. If he takes me to court is it likely I would be forced to sell or would I stay until kids 18 as I am main carer and can afford all the mortgage? Thank you

100k from savings the rest borrowed against the house surely that's doable?

I don't think I can raise more. This would leave me with nothing but I know the kids would be devastated to move. For one of the children it has been particularly hard. I've taken on lots of jobs but so very low paid and I have no child care. He is so nasty you wouldn't believe it. I would be happy to give him the rest at a later date but not sure if he'll agree. I will talk to my solicitor too. Thank you

Could you be entititled to some of his pension? So negotiate on that - I suspect not being married you aren't.

@WouldIwasShookspeared

Nobody can promise you but it is more likely than not that you could put a good case for being allowed to stay as is until the children are over 18

Ignore his threats. If he takes it to court then get representation

Depends on how big the house is and how old the children are. Two potential alternatives:

1. The children are at an age where the OP could work more, the mortgage is reducing year on year and she could afford a bigger mortgage to buy him out earlier (or buy another suitable property). Solution is a Mesher type order until then and sell.

2. The house is bigger than necessary. Solution, sell up and downsize now.

I do think you need a different mindset about moving/downsizing if you have to and the children will accept it if you do.

I was forced to sell by the courts (in divorce proceedings) and there was just enough equity for me to downsize to a teeny tiny house and in some ways it was good for us to have a fresh start.

Start thinking about how it could work for you.

Have to say with the way bills are rising I'd be looking for something very economical to run.

It may also be a fresh start for the DC away from the house where it happened. Yes there may be a lot of initial upset but longer term it could be ok.

Unfortunately it's now very rare to get a mesher order for more than a short period unless extraordinary circumstances eg adapted house for a disabled child. Typically they are granted for older teens in the middle of exams or if the resident parent is for instance half way through a degree programme. 9 years is not likely but you may find the courts could take lack of child maintenance into account and encourage him to take the settlement

You cannot legally forgo cms though only the amount not paid

There isn't going to be a Mescher order or a financial settlement or any pension sharing because there isn't a marriage!

I am not a lawyer but I have seen the responses given by lawyers when this comes up. You can make a claim under TOLATA based on the needs of the children, but it's my amateur understanding that these claims are complex and probability of winning is not high unless e.g. the children have disabilities and the property has been adapted for them. Not wanting to move is not really a basis for having to stay in a specific house. And you would have to consider the costs of legal representation especially if you hope to get together the funds to buy him out. But absent extenuating circumstances, if he owns 25% of the house legally, he gets to ask you for that money, and if you can't provide it any other way the house gets sold.

But you need to consult your own solicitor and not get ideas based on MN, where you'll get everybody's fifteen years outdated advice from their friend's divorce.

@WAAAM

Yes I will have enough equity to buy another house but this is my home. He's paid hardly a penny and I was a fool to give him as much of the deeds. The 100k is from savings and family. I can't get more and can't remortgage. He was removed from the house due to hitting our daughter so I feel sickened that he can now pay no cm (I am trying to get it but he's self employed so always harder). Leave me paying all bills and joint mortgage and then make me sell. The difference between what I'm offering and what he's entitled to isn't so much that he couldn't buy a house. He can get a mortgage as he's earning plenty. I was hoping that I wouldn't be made to sell as the court like as little disruption to the children's lives as possible?

If there is enough equity for you to buy elsewhere a court would in all probability rule in his favour.

Can you get some house valuations so that you have certainty of how much it is worth?

If he is reasonably sensible he won't go to court for an amount that is lower that court costs, especially if he has a reasonable chance of getting it from you in the future.

So, I would probably offer him as much as you can now and then the remainder in 4 years time; assuming that there is a good likelihood of you being in a better job in 4 years (I'm assuming by then that you wouldn't need childcare any more). Ideally making sure that the remainder is less than it would cost him in court fees.

You've probably already done this but have you seen a decent mortgage broker? You might find that you could go for a longer term, or have a family member as guarantor or something which might help?

A rics valuation? So a house valuation rather than an estate agent valuation

Hi what's a ric valuation? I just really don't want to sell. He'll be making over 100% profit and I'll be out of pocket. I put in virtually everything and it's my dream house. Yes it was my fault for putting him on the deeds but he is a bully. Any normal father would probably rather not move their children and accept an offer, but not him. I think it's so sad that mothers can lose their home because their partner have abused their children and been removed from the house. I will put up a fight not to move. I have a lovely home and my neighbours are fantastic. I only earn 15k a year so not easy to get a mortgage despite the equity in the house. I've checked. The court hearing for the children was stressful enough, just the thought of another! Thank you all for your advice.

You’re looking at this from the wrong angle. You want revenge - that’s understandable. What you really need to focus on is being rid of this person as quickly as possible.
Fighting him in court in order to avoid paying him what he’s legally entitled to will just cost you more money, perhaps as much as the extra £30k he wants for his 25%, let alone the mental costs to yourself and your children.
Your house is just that - a house. It may well hold some nice memories, but it will also hold bad memories for both you and your children linked with their father and his violence. You think that if you have to give him 25% then he’s won - but it isn’t a competition.
Pay him off with his legal entitlement, spend your 75% on a brand new home for you and your kids. Involve them in the new house purchase as positively as you can. Make it exciting, a new era, to make new memories.

OP I'm a family lawyer.

In unmarried couple cases, the Court has the power to defer sale until 18, however given that you say you would be able to rehouse in a suitable place with your share, I'm afraid it is unlikely that the court would exercise this discretion on your behalf.

If that were not the case, then I think you'd have a shot at getting that deferred sale, but it is by no means a foregone conclusion. The Court will take many issues into account, including the fact it would be a long time before your youngest reaches 18.

I really think you need to embrace this as a chance for a fresh start. Imagine having this hanging over you for 9 more years. It's not good.

Get proper advice on your mortgage capacity, look at what you can afford, and take proper legal advice once you have that info. Don't fixate on the house. It isn't what makes it home.

@WAAAM

Yes I will have enough equity to buy another house but this is my home. He's paid hardly a penny and I was a fool to give him as much of the deeds. The 100k is from savings and family. I can't get more and can't remortgage. He was removed from the house due to hitting our daughter so I feel sickened that he can now pay no cm (I am trying to get it but he's self employed so always harder). Leave me paying all bills and joint mortgage and then make me sell. The difference between what I'm offering and what he's entitled to isn't so much that he couldn't buy a house. He can get a mortgage as he's earning plenty. I was hoping that I wouldn't be made to sell as the court like as little disruption to the children's lives as possible?

Surely in the time you were together he was paying the mortgage? At least something. Was he paying bills?

If he didnt put anything in and didn't pay bills why did you put his name on it? There's got to be a reason.

If you did manage to defer the sale, you still have to pay the mortgage and upkeep of the property. He pays CMS. That's why you need to claim it.

www.allcottassociates.co.uk/blog/rics-valuations-explained/

So from what I understand rics valuation is an actual valuation of the property and an estate agent values it on what they can sell the property for or what they hope to sell the property for (so the estate agent is potentially higher)

You wouldn’t be able to apply for a Mesher order (allowing you to stay in the house) as you weren’t married.

Yes - he can take you to court to force the sale of the house.

You should apply to the CMS for child maintenance.

You wouldn’t be able to apply for a Mesher order (allowing you to stay in the house) as you weren’t married.

This is extremely misleading, and I wish people wouldn't go around proclaiming what tge law says.

A Mesher order strictly speaking is a divirce-related order, but the court can make a similar arrangement fir unmarried couples under 2 pieces of legislation

1 Trusts of Land and Appoinmrnt if Trustees Act 1996

2 Schedule 1 Children Act 1988

The purpose is to provide a home for children, and all funds revert to the other party when the children reach 18. It is less generously interpreted, and harder to get than in the divorce jurisdiction, but it is available and very underused, no doubt because of the repeated mantra that unmarried mothers have no rights.

2

Just picking up on the house value and what he's owed...

Is the £130k 25% of the house or 25% of the equity in the house? I.e. the house less the remaining mortgage?

He is only owed 25% of the equity and I would have thought you should be able to get that either at the house value when he stopped paying the mortgage or at the very least reducing it by taking off his share of the mortgage payments you have made for the last 2 years. What do the figures look like if you work it out on that basis?

The other thing to check out is can you take on the mortgage - I.e. Will the bank allow him to come off the mortgage if you don't earn much? He might be able to force it if he cannot be released from the original mortgage.

£130k is equity. House value less the mortgage. Joint mortgage which I'm paying all of and all bills ie insurance and household bills. I owned the previous house without a mortgage and sold to buy this one which cost more. Hence he contributed a little. Kids were both under 6. I will try to pay him off.

I feel for other abused mother's who because of their ex lose everything.

I don't want court and will do all I can to avoid it. Thank you

OP, I was in the same situation- unmarried, lower earner & had to leave the family home - he bought me out using a RICS evaluation- whilst I wanted to sell as in Scotland places go for 10-20% over RICS valuation- which would have helped me house the children better.

He wanted to have 50-50 childcare, but by refusing to sell the house, it meant that he had to pay me maintenance to house the children locally (as he wouldn't allow me to move with DC). So he effectively chose to keep a house rather than have time with DC.

The crucial thing is that I was able to use the maintenance to increase my mortgage borrowing.

So I have a lovely flat, near the kids school, yes it needs work but I can make it my own. And I have majority care of DC - which was my main priority.

I'm glad I didn't stay in the house - all these memories.

And ex-P is judged harshly by friends & family for refusing to put his DC above a stupid house.

So kind of what @Soontobe60 is saying - it's all about compromise.

What is your priority?

If the £100K is coming from family then you put this forward at a court hearing -

I doubt he’d be entitled to half the value of the house - with children it’s more likely you keep 75% as his share to house his kids.

So his pay off would be less.

Go to court and let him plead his case why his children should lose their home.

Really sorry you are in this situation OP, and he sounds a total bastard.

Have you had meetings with a couple of brokers and explored options such as borrowing the extra you need but lengthening the term?

Are you taking advantage of your single occupancy council tax discount?

I have had to leave a home I loved, and I get that it is your security, your home during what has been a horrible time.

But once I realised I had no choice, I had to get on with it, and though the process itself was horrible and stressful, my new home quickly became my home, my security, my sanctuary, and a place ex had never set foot in. The kids were able to influence their new bedrooms etc.

Plus, bills are so much cheaper. Lower CT band, lower insurance, energy etc.

Your income is not high: prioritise quality of life and independence with your own finances?

And thank god you are not married: he could have ended up with 40 or 50% of the value of the house!

Thanks all. My children are definitely priority and I have a court order - he took me to court over the children and lost. You are right about lower cost as I am in a high CT band and even with 25% discount it's £225 a month! It's one of my children that doesn't like change and would be upset to move. I have no family whatsoever near by and though kids are young, I am not.
Do you think I'll be best to get a Ric valuation instead of estate agents. Do courts prefer a RIC? I've had estate agents valuations. Obviously I want the lower to make my offer to him based on that. Fingers crossed CM get some money out of him too. I didn't realise it was so difficult to get CM. Send mad that the baliffs can come round if you've not paid a parking fine but not do the same for CM!

Appreciate the advice given.