Stbx inherited property

[NorthGirlie]

Hi,
My stbx moved out last spring and I’m still awaiting a settlement figure so I can sort out somewhere else to live (as the family home needs to be sold).

We had been living separate lives for 2 years prior to him moving out (well, I had as I was emotionally switched off from the marriage - loveless and sexless and I knew I was living with someone who was no more than a friend). I was the one who ended the marriage and filed for divorce at the back end of 2020 and put the separation date as two years before this and explained my reasons (basically, so they granted the divorce but we were actually living separate lives in different rooms etc). Anyway, stbx inherited another property (half of it as he has to pay his sibling their half eventually) within the separation period but while we were still together. His solicitor has said is not a marital asset as he acquired it after the date I’d put down as separation date. Fair enough.

Problem I have is that, although I’m the bigger earner, I worked part time for 12 years raising our 2 kids and my salary and pension took a massive hit! And, I paid hundreds a month in childcare (no family support) for years out of my part time salary. He coasted along as a lower earner knowing my salary supplemented his (joint account).
Anyway, offer from his side is 50% of the family home (4 bed detached, mortgage free) and neither of us can touch the others pension. He paid AVC’s into his pension throughout our marriage whereas my pension went down due to working part time.

So, he’ll get 50% of the family home, a nice hefty pension and his share of the inherited property which means he won’t need a mortgage and he will have a comfortable retirement. He is 10 years older than me btw and his solicitor is arguing he paid his pension for 13 years before we married (although he didn’t start paying AVC’s until we were together).

I will get 50% of the family home which isn’t enough for me to buy another house in a decent area. So, I m looking at needing a £50-£70k mortgage at 50. My pension will be reduced due to working part time for 12 years. Plus, I didn’t pay any AVC’s.

We have two children - one is almost grown and may be leaving to go to university this summer. The other is 14. I have the younger child 100% if the time (her choice) and the eldest (50% of the time). I have not received any child maintenance payments and the child benefit for the eldest is split between both parents. I didn’t bother claiming for child maintenance due to still living in the family home rent free (if that makes sense).

I am in a very stressful job and don’t want to feel under pressure to continue to work in it for the next 17 years. Plus, paying mortgage payments will reduce the income I have ti spend on the children if that makes sense.

I feel really cheated in some ways as I was the one who pressed forward in my career to earn more so we had a nice lifestyle. He just coasted along and never moved from the point he was at 25!

Am I being mean? Should I just accept this 50% offer and let him be mortgage free, with a healthy bank balance and hefty pension??

Or, am I being done?

I think you should definitely look to get pensions equalised.

I don't think going after the inheritance is reasonable. I also think you're not really factoring in that he is 10 years older than you - it's reasonable that he will retire earlier.

I was the one who ended the marriage and filed for divorce at the back end of 2020 and put the separation date as two years before this and explained my reasons (basically, so they granted the divorce but we were actually living separate lives in different rooms etc).

So when you say they granted the divorce are you actually divorced?

Both your pensions should go into the pot. Your lawyer should have a view on whether his lawyer's assertion about his pension is reasonable. Your lawyer should be advising you on what a fair settlement would look like, not just accepting what his lawyer proposes. If you are not getting that then find another lawyer. I changed lawyers mid-divorce and it was definitely the right decision.

That sounds a bit unfair re the pension OP. Maybe try a new solicitor??

The pensions should definitely be taken into consideration. I know this because I paid into mine when I was married and ex h didn't bother. I had to give him half of it.

@NorthGirlie

I feel like I have been taken for a bit of a ride tbh. I’ve lost pension due to my years working part time. I paid a higher share of the bills. I overpaid the mortgage up to £800. a month, for years, to pay it off early. I lost thousands working part time. I paid all childcare costs. What did he do? Paid AVC’s to his pension throughout our marriage. Gets to have half the house (if this is what happens). Gets to keep his inheritance (I don’t have an issue with this). Gets a hefty - topped up - pension. Won’t have a child living with him. Pays no CMS.

No, you’ve lost pension due to years of not paying into it. As a part time worker you still earned more that your ex. You could have paid more, paid AVCs but chose not to. Why does his child not live with him - or spend time with him? You chose not to claim CMS. You have at least another 15 years of working full time and the opportunity to top up your pension. A mortgage of £60k taken out now is very very small - you’d easily be able to pay this off before you actually retire. He paid into his pension for a good number of years before you married. Did either of you have property before you married that was used to buy your joint house? I’d say that splitting the house 50/50, and you having a share of his pension (less the number of years he paid into it before you met, and the amount of your pension value) is fair. You should also claim CMS - his pension if he’s receiving it will be used, but if he gives you a proportion of his pension, obviously this amount will reduce.

Let this be a warning to all women out there - make sure you pay equally into your pensions, pay all bills equally, even if you’re working part time. Even if you think you’ll never split up, always assume this might happen and so plan your finances accordingly.