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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Stbx inherited property

56 replies

NorthGirlie · 19/02/2022 09:33

Hi,
My stbx moved out last spring and I’m still awaiting a settlement figure so I can sort out somewhere else to live (as the family home needs to be sold).

We had been living separate lives for 2 years prior to him moving out (well, I had as I was emotionally switched off from the marriage - loveless and sexless and I knew I was living with someone who was no more than a friend). I was the one who ended the marriage and filed for divorce at the back end of 2020 and put the separation date as two years before this and explained my reasons (basically, so they granted the divorce but we were actually living separate lives in different rooms etc). Anyway, stbx inherited another property (half of it as he has to pay his sibling their half eventually) within the separation period but while we were still together. His solicitor has said is not a marital asset as he acquired it after the date I’d put down as separation date. Fair enough.

Problem I have is that, although I’m the bigger earner, I worked part time for 12 years raising our 2 kids and my salary and pension took a massive hit! And, I paid hundreds a month in childcare (no family support) for years out of my part time salary. He coasted along as a lower earner knowing my salary supplemented his (joint account).
Anyway, offer from his side is 50% of the family home (4 bed detached, mortgage free) and neither of us can touch the others pension. He paid AVC’s into his pension throughout our marriage whereas my pension went down due to working part time.

So, he’ll get 50% of the family home, a nice hefty pension and his share of the inherited property which means he won’t need a mortgage and he will have a comfortable retirement. He is 10 years older than me btw and his solicitor is arguing he paid his pension for 13 years before we married (although he didn’t start paying AVC’s until we were together).

I will get 50% of the family home which isn’t enough for me to buy another house in a decent area. So, I m looking at needing a £50-£70k mortgage at 50. My pension will be reduced due to working part time for 12 years. Plus, I didn’t pay any AVC’s.

We have two children - one is almost grown and may be leaving to go to university this summer. The other is 14. I have the younger child 100% if the time (her choice) and the eldest (50% of the time). I have not received any child maintenance payments and the child benefit for the eldest is split between both parents. I didn’t bother claiming for child maintenance due to still living in the family home rent free (if that makes sense).

I am in a very stressful job and don’t want to feel under pressure to continue to work in it for the next 17 years. Plus, paying mortgage payments will reduce the income I have ti spend on the children if that makes sense.

I feel really cheated in some ways as I was the one who pressed forward in my career to earn more so we had a nice lifestyle. He just coasted along and never moved from the point he was at 25!

Am I being mean? Should I just accept this 50% offer and let him be mortgage free, with a healthy bank balance and hefty pension??

Or, am I being done?

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 19/02/2022 18:32

If you were the higher earner despite working part time, why did you not pay more into your pension? Between you both you’ve clearly earned enough to pay off your mortgage, and I’m assuming you’ve not actually had any childcare costs for the past few years due to their ages plus you only working part time. Has your DD not spent any time with her father since he left the family home? As your DS spends 50% of the time with his DF, no maintenance would be due there.

TheHoptimist · 19/02/2022 18:38

@Choccyp1g

It might not be a huge difference, but I'd argue the value of the house should be value when the split happened, rather than the current value.

(but I am not a lawyer, and have no experience of divorce)

How would that work?
Viviennemary · 19/02/2022 18:44

If you live in England inheritance does count towards marital assets. In Scotland it doesn't. AFAIK. Personally I think it's cheeky going after somebody's inheritance. But you need legal advice and what you see as fair. And nobody wants to set themselves up for an impoverished old age.

SiobhanSharpe · 19/02/2022 18:45

Not quite on point but you yourself should consider making AVCs into your pension now, or as soon as you can.
It's not too late by any means, you're going to be paying into it for another 15 years or thereabouts so it's likely to be worthwhile.

GreggsDoVitalWork · 19/02/2022 18:59

@Elieza

Can you tell him 60/40 of the marital home and you won’t go after his pension or inheritance?

If that’s not acceptable you’re going after the lot no matter how long it takes.

This is dreadful advice.
WonderfulYou · 19/02/2022 18:59

I don’t think it’s fair you receive any of the inheritance, it’s not your money.
Imagine if you inherited a house after you split and he wanted half of it.

It would be nice if you got more of the current house but most divorces are 50/50.
I assume if he was working FT he contributed a lot more to the mortgage and bills so this probably cancels out your pension loss.

How much maintenance does he pay?

I would be working out how much he will be paying over the next few years and seeing if I could work out a plan where he didn’t pay any maintenance but instead gave you a bigger share of the current house.

GreggsDoVitalWork · 19/02/2022 19:04

I'd be cautious of going for more than 50/50 as I'd worry he could retaliate with spousal support if you earn more. You certainly need to look at the pension situation so I'd address this with solicitor asap. Inheritance is gone, move on from that though it's really annoying. Depending on custody arrangements you should get CM too. I'm sorry, it's all so frustrating.

Elieza · 19/02/2022 19:37

@Chestofdraws and @GreggsDoVitalWork

The reason I suggested 60/40 was because we didn’t know the value of the pension.

Also, legal costs are astronomical and things drag on for years. The OP needs money soon.

So my rational was that this might seems like a quick fix for him that he could find satisfactory, meaning the house could get sold now before the market crashes, and it saves legal fees for both parties.

However now we know his pension is so significant, I’d suggest the OP goes for her share of the £175k as this could be worth more than an extra 10% of the house value?

So I’d suggest 50/50 plus half the pension.

But obv seeking legal advice is the way to go for sure.

If you go for anything contentious like the inheritance, it could take years and cost you a fortune in legal as he will argue you’re not entitled.

gogohm · 19/02/2022 19:43

Actually until you divorce everything counts. You need a solicitor. I would suggest ensuring you have a minimum 50% of assets including pensions then push for a higher percentage of the house to enable you to buy a family home

millymolls · 20/02/2022 09:08

It’s not necessarily true that until divorce everything counts
As mrsbertbibby has outlined it will be looked at on a needs / sharing basis
She’s a solicitor so he advice here is one you can look to rather than others who are just having random guesses.
Seek advice from solicitor (s) !

DoNotTouchTheWater · 20/02/2022 09:12

I don’t think it needs to be a marital asset to be taken into consideration when dividing up the marital assets based on needs.

He has a home he’s inherited. That affects what he needs from the marital assets pool. Don’t accept his crap offer - get a solicitor to advise on what’s fair looking at all the relevant details.

DameCelia · 20/02/2022 09:15

@NorthGirlie
Read the advice from @MrsBertBibby who is a solicitor and ignore the rest of the "opinions"

IdblowJonSnow · 20/02/2022 09:19

I personally would not be happy with that and would fight to get more.
I'm not sure about the inheritance but the general settlement doesn't sound great.

Original poster
NorthGirlie · 20/02/2022 16:48

@vivainsomnia
I am working full time and so on-call work on top of this. I’ve been full time a few years now.

OP posts:
Original poster
NorthGirlie · 20/02/2022 16:51

@Crimesean

Get a new solicitor, you need proper legal advice. Some solicitors are lazy shites who'll do as little as possible to earn their fee - basic letters, churning them out one after the other. Others are amazing and will look at each client individually.
I am thinking this is what I’m getting. Copies of letters that are churned out and not much individual attention to my case.
OP posts:
Original poster
NorthGirlie · 20/02/2022 16:53

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

So if you hadn't lied on a legal document you would have inherited half a house put into the 'pot'?
I didn’t lie!
OP posts:
Original poster
NorthGirlie · 20/02/2022 16:57

@Soontobe60

If you were the higher earner despite working part time, why did you not pay more into your pension? Between you both you’ve clearly earned enough to pay off your mortgage, and I’m assuming you’ve not actually had any childcare costs for the past few years due to their ages plus you only working part time. Has your DD not spent any time with her father since he left the family home? As your DS spends 50% of the time with his DF, no maintenance would be due there.
I earned about the same (slightly more) when I worked part time but I’ve been full time a few years now. I just didn’t bother paying more into my pension as I didn’t think I’d need to. I paid for the childcare tbh as that was ££££. No, the youngest hasn’t stayed with him.
OP posts:
sunshinesupermum · 20/02/2022 16:58

STBX pension should be shared with you.

Original poster
NorthGirlie · 20/02/2022 17:01

I don’t want to take his money but I also know that, if I were to accept the 50% of the family home, I’d need a mortgage of about £70k which, at my age, would mean a big monthly payment that would take me to retirement. This, in turn, would mean little disposable income left for anything else. This is what worries me. Meanwhile, he’d be mortgage free, with a nice savings pot, a lump sum from his pension and a nice pension to live off! And, no children living with him under 18! My eldest has said he has started claiming his pension now he’s over 60.

OP posts:
Original poster
NorthGirlie · 20/02/2022 17:04

@WonderfulYou

I don’t think it’s fair you receive any of the inheritance, it’s not your money. Imagine if you inherited a house after you split and he wanted half of it.

It would be nice if you got more of the current house but most divorces are 50/50.
I assume if he was working FT he contributed a lot more to the mortgage and bills so this probably cancels out your pension loss.

How much maintenance does he pay?

I would be working out how much he will be paying over the next few years and seeing if I could work out a plan where he didn’t pay any maintenance but instead gave you a bigger share of the current house.

He paid less towards bills etc. as he earned less than I did. I always paid more and I overpaid the mortgage (from my salary) to pay it off early. He paid his money into his pension pot!
OP posts:
Original poster
NorthGirlie · 20/02/2022 17:06

[quote DameCelia]@NorthGirlie
Read the advice from @MrsBertBibby who is a solicitor and ignore the rest of the "opinions"[/quote]
Thanks! I will do!

OP posts:
Original poster
NorthGirlie · 20/02/2022 17:07

Bottom line is, if I accept the offer, I will end up in a much worse financial position than I am now. I’ll struggle tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
NorthGirlie · 20/02/2022 17:11

I feel like I have been taken for a bit of a ride tbh. I’ve lost pension due to my years working part time. I paid a higher share of the bills. I overpaid the mortgage up to £800. a month, for years, to pay it off early. I lost thousands working part time. I paid all childcare costs.
What did he do? Paid AVC’s to his pension throughout our marriage. Gets to have half the house (if this is what happens). Gets to keep his inheritance (I don’t have an issue with this). Gets a hefty - topped up - pension. Won’t have a child living with him. Pays no CMS.

OP posts:
KosherDill · 20/02/2022 17:14

Aren't inheritances generally not included in marital assets anyway?

KosherDill · 20/02/2022 17:17

just didn’t bother paying more into my pension as I didn’t think I’d need to.

This is terribly sad. I feel for you and hope other women take heed.

Always pay yourself first! You don't know what the future holds

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