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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Divorce/Catholic Church

36 replies

anna114young · 15/02/2022 11:16

My partner is divorced, he is not a catholic.
I am a catholic and never been married.

I understand we can't get married in the catholic church due to this however I have just found out the following and am struggling to make sense of it.

If I had been married before in a registry office/C of E church/mosque/temple etc. I COULD get married in the catholic church as they wouldn't recognise previous marriages as I am catholic.

So technically I could have been married multiple times but as long as it wasn't in a catholic church they wouldn't see them as valid so I would be allowed to marry in my family parish church.

I have been told by the priest that if I don't get married in the catholic church any marriage I have will not be considered as valid.

I'm not really left with any choice!

OP posts:
CraftyGin · 15/02/2022 11:19

You can get married in your local C of E church.

Skeam · 15/02/2022 11:25

I think you’re confusing several issues, and leaving out key details. What religious faith, if any, is your husband? Was his previous marriage a religious or civil one? If it was a religious marriage, was it a Christian denomination?

Original poster
anna114young · 15/02/2022 11:30

But I am not C of E and the Catholic church says my marriage won't be valid if I got married there.

My partner is of no religious faith and was married in a civil ceremony.

OP posts:
wingingit987 · 15/02/2022 11:32

How often do you go to church?

How religious are you?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 15/02/2022 11:34

You can get a Catholic blessing.

My parents did about 40 years ago as my dad is Catholic and my mam is CofE.

The church certainly recognises their marriage and my siblings and I were all brought up as Catholics.

AlDanvers · 15/02/2022 11:34

What is the reason you can't get married un tbe Catholic Church?

Because your dp isn't? Or because he has been married before?

AlDanvers · 15/02/2022 11:34

Sorry isn't Catholic?

MadameMinimes · 15/02/2022 11:40

Why can’t you get married in a Catholic Church? Boris Johnson was married in a Catholic Church for his third marriage. Speak to a few different priests. You may find that some are happy to consider it, as your husband’s previous marriage was not a religious one. The Catholic Church is becoming more pragmatic, I think.

Toddlerteaplease · 15/02/2022 11:45

The rules are utterly bonkers. Don't you remember the uproar when Boris got married in Westminster Cathedral? His third wedding. And don't even get me started on the rules for divorced and remarried without an annulment.

Iamthewombat · 15/02/2022 11:48

The reason the OP can’t marry in a Catholic ceremony, despite being an unmarried Catholic herself, is that her fiancé has been married before AND is not Catholic.

Had he been baptised Catholic and been married in a non-catholic ceremony, the Catholic Church would have disregarded his previous marriage, or marriages, provided that they were not Catholic ceremonies.

Had her fiancé never been married, they could have had a Catholic ceremony even though he isn’t catholic or even religious.

The get out of jail free card for divorced people wanting to marry in a Catholic Church is having been baptised Catholic and the previous marriages not having been catholic ceremonies.

This is what is known as the Boris Johnson defence. Divorced twice because of his adultery but was still allowed a catholic marriage ceremony for his most recent marriage because he was baptised catholic.

I was in exactly the same situation as the OP when I got married. Practising single catholic marrying a divorced non-Catholic man. I married in a C of E church, as a practising catholic. I didn’t like it, but that was the situation. It infuriated me that people could have had four kids with two separate partners, unmarried, and would be welcomed in for a full catholic wedding. Or could have been divorced twelve times, provided that the ceremonies weren’t catholic.

Most catholic priests are sympathetic and won’t bar the church doors or stop you taking communion because you married in a non-catholic ceremony.

There are tons of divorced Catholics around, too. Nobody stops them going to mass.

Iamthewombat · 15/02/2022 11:51

If you aren’t catholic, and you have been married before in any kind of legal ceremony, the Catholic Church will regard your prior marriage as valid. You only get to squirm around the rules, like Johnson, if you were baptised Catholic and your prior marriages weren’t catholic marriages. Priests have no discretion over this. They can give a catholic blessing but they don’t get to decide who gets a catholic marriage ceremony.

Although Vincent Nichols (the cardinal) alienated loads of Catholics by agreeing to marry Boris Johnson and his selfish wife.

Skeam · 15/02/2022 11:56

As I understand canon law, @Iamthewombat is right. And the reason the OP’s marriage wouldn’t be regarded as ‘sacramental’ by the Catholic church if she married in a C of E church is because her fiancé isn’t a Christian of any variety at all — it would regarded as valid with an episcopal dispensation if he were, and there was some ‘compelling reason’ to marry in the church of another Christian denomination.

FriNightBlues · 15/02/2022 12:00

My parents were married in a Catholic Church in the 1960s. One is Catholic, one isn’t. Admittedly no divorce involved, but as far as I’m aware nobody has come knocking to tell them they’ve been living in sin all these years.
I’m also aware of more recent situations involving divorce (similar to yours) where the marriage took place quite happily in a Catholic Church.
So I think you may have a particularly intransigent parish priest!

Iamthewombat · 15/02/2022 12:02

No, she does not have an intransigent parish priest. The rules have been explained already.

Skeam · 15/02/2022 12:04

@FriNightBlues

My parents were married in a Catholic Church in the 1960s. One is Catholic, one isn’t. Admittedly no divorce involved, but as far as I’m aware nobody has come knocking to tell them they’ve been living in sin all these years. I’m also aware of more recent situations involving divorce (similar to yours) where the marriage took place quite happily in a Catholic Church. So I think you may have a particularly intransigent parish priest!
But the divorce is what makes the difference. Non-Catholics are allowed to marry Catholics in Catholic Churches, but not if they’ve already married in a way the C Ch considers ‘valid’.

And the situation with divorce will depend on the type of previous marriage — see BJ explanation above.

FriNightBlues · 15/02/2022 12:04

Are you telling me I was born in sin?! So how did my parents (and many others I imagine) manage to swing it?!

FriNightBlues · 15/02/2022 12:09

The second situation I quoted involved a divorce following a marriage in a European Protestant church, to which an Irish Catholic priest said “we don’t count that if it wasn’t a Catholic marriage”.

Iamthewombat · 15/02/2022 12:09

No, we just think that you’re not very good at reading threads.

Were either of your parents divorced when they married in the 1960s? Not according to your post. So why is that story relevant to the thread?

Iamthewombat · 15/02/2022 12:10

@FriNightBlues

The second situation I quoted involved a divorce following a marriage in a European Protestant church, to which an Irish Catholic priest said “we don’t count that if it wasn’t a Catholic marriage”.
Yes, because the person who had been married in a Protestant ceremony was baptised catholic. As I explained upthread. Do keep up.
FriNightBlues · 15/02/2022 12:11

How do you explain the second scenario?

Iamthewombat · 15/02/2022 12:11

I give up.

FriNightBlues · 15/02/2022 12:12

No, they weren’t re-baptised at all. That’s my point.

Iamthewombat · 15/02/2022 12:17

Who said anything about re-baptism? What even is re-baptism?

Try reading the thread again, slowly, and taking notes. Good luck.

Didicat · 15/02/2022 12:31

My father in law is a deacon in the Catholic Church he was divorced without children, but still only had a catholic blessing to my CofE mother in law.

Does your partner attend church? Would he consider converting? We had full mass as my FIL took the ceremony but to get all he letters of permission from bishops in different diocese /Rome due to marrying out of parishes, etc etc

I had to go to church weekly for a year, undertake the marriage classes with our local priest. I was unmarried but CofE. We both had to show commitment to the church and agree our children would be baptised catholics.

I agree it’s not the easiest to get married in the Catholic Church unless you are both catholics?

Iamthewombat · 15/02/2022 12:36

Even if the OP’s fiancé converted to Catholicism, it would make zero difference. He is still considered to have been married in a valid ceremony and he can’t wriggle out of that using the “but I was baptised catholic and the marriage wasn’t catholic” argument.