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Divorce/separation

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Original poster

Gifts for exh from kids for Xmas

36 replies

SallyAnn32 · 20/12/2021 22:57

Evening! Posting a lot this week 🙃

I've recently finalised my divorce from my awful exh. For Mother's Day and my birthday this year he didn't get me any gifts to give to dd to give to me. I got him really nice gifts, balloons, cake etc for his birthday and Father's Day and Xmas since we split because in my eyes it's nice for dd to give her daddy something. She was devastated on my birthday and Mother's Day morning this year when she didn't have a gift to give me. I've sent things to Santa from them for me for Christmas this year - just things I needed like mascara, moisturiser, a new jumper etc. but I haven't got exh anything for dd to give him and I doubt he's got her anything for me. She's seeing him on the 27th (at his request) so I have time to get something. But I don't know whether to knock it on the head or get a shit low key token gift for dd to give her dad. What's the protocol? His girlfriend skanky ow who ended our marriage may have got something and I don't want to cause drama by getting him something as well. She's very dramatic and causes no end of issues.

OP posts:
Scrooge89 · 20/12/2021 22:58

Just don’t get anything?

alwayswrighty · 20/12/2021 22:59

Lynx smellies or socks.

Original poster
SallyAnn32 · 20/12/2021 23:03

@alwayswrighty

Lynx smellies or socks.
Seriously considered some lynx Africa when I was in B&M 😂
OP posts:
Original poster
SallyAnn32 · 20/12/2021 23:06

@Scrooge89

Just don’t get anything?
So tempted. He set the precedent this year but I don't want dd to be sad about it. She made something at rainbows - that'll do! 😂
OP posts:
Longdistance · 20/12/2021 23:06

Get him fuck all. It’s what he deserves.

Scrooge89 · 20/12/2021 23:10

Don’t spend a penny - that sounds lovely whatever was made in rainbows even if it’s a decorated digestive biscuit - it’s the thought that counts 😂

DelphiniumBlue · 20/12/2021 23:28

She could make him a lovely card with lots of glitter and maybe a lovely dough tree decoration also with glitter. Or something from Poundland. Whether you guide her choice is up to you!

Strongerthanyouthink · 21/12/2021 07:53

My instinct says it would be right to get him a little something from your dd. She might feel really awkward turning up with nothing. You're not doing it for him, you are doing it for her.

Longdistance · 21/12/2021 19:51

Ooo, hadn’t thought about a glitter present.

Original poster
SallyAnn32 · 21/12/2021 20:42

Alllll the glitter! ✨✨✨✨✨

OP posts:
PicaK · 21/12/2021 21:46

I get you. I really do. But thoughtful gift giving is a life skill you need to teach. And if it's glittery this year so much the better.

I tried to solve this. Said to ex h that fine I'd buy my own presents from them as I know he hates that but suggested he do the same and we could swap gifts over so they'd at least have the joy of wrapping them up. He agreed. Quite enthusiastically. Set a budget etc.
Then didn't have his ready on the agreed swap date. Then turns out that night he said to my son "did mummy help you buy me anything?" and when he said no he gave him the gifts to wrap up.
I could kill him for making me look bad.
Anyway he won't get that option again. So don't let your ex dh make you look the bad guy either.

wildseas · 21/12/2021 21:54

Giving nothing makes things difficult for your daughter. A box of chocolates from the pound shop makes you the bigger person whilst also probably pissing him off 😆

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 21/12/2021 21:56

Tempted to send exh a grenade!

winniemum · 21/12/2021 22:35

Agree with wild seas.
Get him something. There was an article about this very topic in a newspaper this weekend.
It said that children can feel very awkward turning up empty handed and they will feel proud that you supported their relationship.
Made sense to me.
I’m going through a very messy divorce atm but will still send a small present for my DH as I think that’s what my (older) kids would like.

Original poster
SallyAnn32 · 21/12/2021 22:40

Thanks for your ideas. I think something token but inexpensive will do. Plus the rainbows handmade gift! Dd was so upset when she didn't get anything to give me from him on my birthday and she felt really awkward in her own home. It would probably be unfair of me to potentially make her feel like that even though he's a prick

OP posts:
Phillipa12 · 22/12/2021 06:54

My exh used to get gifts for me from the boys and this year he didn't. He also didn't see how upset the boys were when they had nothing to give me on my birthday. My sister has sorted out my Xmas present with the boys this year just incase and if she had realised that exh was going to start being an arsehole again she would have sorted out my birthday too. I've always got exh something from the boys and as much as I hate it and would rather give him nothing I do not want to upset my children, so until they can sort it themselves I will suck it up and be the bigger person. These are the things that are remembered.

Bubblty · 22/12/2021 06:57

Box of chocolates?

Doyoumind · 22/12/2021 07:07

I always get my ex something nice from DC. I've been doing it for all occasions for years now and it's clear to DC which parent makes an effort and which doesn't and that I do it for their sake, so they can give a present they are proud rather than ashamed of.

PigeonPigPie · 22/12/2021 07:12

Could you give DD a few pounds to choose something at supermarket or B&M?

EarringsandLipstick · 22/12/2021 07:19

My ex has never arranged anything for the kids to give me. But I always give them a list of suggestions along with the money & they get me something. Now that they're at the pocket money stage, they can use their own money (I do supplement it for gift buying purposes).

For ex, we buy a small present. I feel it's important they give him something. However, they've progressively got less & less interested in giving him something, this year it was a real effort to get them to care. (He shows no interest in what that get so it's probably pointless). Until this year I used to also get his horrendous mother a decent present too (from the DC, her only grandchildren). But I finally stopped this year.

Bopahula · 22/12/2021 07:24

I'd do such a lovely glitter card as previously suggested. Then I'd also buy something from DD. Not huge. Like a bar of galaxy and a lynx set. Dd will remember giving the gifts to him which is important. He's a horrible knob by the sounds of it. But you're doing right for your daughter which is what counts and she will remember. :)

BunsOfAnarchy · 22/12/2021 10:19

Definitely get/make something.
Its about her relationship with her dad and your own relationship with him should never have an influence on that (I'm not saying that it does btw).
STBXH and I have had huge ups and down during separation and he has been an absolute C word to me but I've bit my tongue and just done right by DD.

Glitter card all the way!

Itsybitsydooda · 22/12/2021 13:36

Get something inexpensive but let her pick. I took my girls into one of those shops that have loads of odd stuff. They picked their dad a velcro hat with balls to throw at his head and his girlfriend a mini glitterball. 😂

JassyRadlett · 22/12/2021 13:43

Once my kids hit 4-5 years old I let them loose in the pound shop or similar to choose gifts for people in the family - with the rider that they have to explain why they’ve chosen that gift for that person. I nicked it from my sibling and it’s worked brilliantly well to teach them to be thoughtful, make the gifts personal without breaking the bank.

This might work for your DD - as then the gift is her doing, not yours (though you’ve facilitated it)?

caringcarer · 22/12/2021 13:48

A bit late for this year but I used to a photo calender for doting grandparents on both sides and my ds's used to give their miserable, lazy, waste of space, Dad one of those. I just ordered 4. They are inexpensive and personal. I used to choose photos where both boys were both doing really fun activities so he could see what he was missing put on. As they got older they spent a bit of their pocket money buying him something little. Now as adults they both buy him a bottle of whiskey. They say that is what he asks for when they ask him and what he enjoys the best. As children he often cancelled them at short notice and sometimes the same day. Now as adults they pop by for an hour on Boxing Day to see him. All his own fault as they get me lovely thoughtful gifts and choose to spend Xmas with me. As soon as they were 18 and no longer under court order for contact, they both chose to drop contact to once every 3 or 4 months instead of every fortnight. If your exh does not make an effort now with his children this is what he has got to look forward to when they grow up.