Gifts for exh from kids for Xmas

[SallyAnn32]

Evening! Posting a lot this week 🙃

I've recently finalised my divorce from my awful exh. For Mother's Day and my birthday this year he didn't get me any gifts to give to dd to give to me. I got him really nice gifts, balloons, cake etc for his birthday and Father's Day and Xmas since we split because in my eyes it's nice for dd to give her daddy something. She was devastated on my birthday and Mother's Day morning this year when she didn't have a gift to give me. I've sent things to Santa from them for me for Christmas this year - just things I needed like mascara, moisturiser, a new jumper etc. but I haven't got exh anything for dd to give him and I doubt he's got her anything for me. She's seeing him on the 27th (at his request) so I have time to get something. But I don't know whether to knock it on the head or get a shit low key token gift for dd to give her dad. What's the protocol? His girlfriend skanky ow who ended our marriage may have got something and I don't want to cause drama by getting him something as well. She's very dramatic and causes no end of issues.

I would just keep the focus on the children with your language and what you do. He deserves nothing but your DC don't deserve to be sad to have nothing to give.

So phrase it 'DC both wanted to get you / make you this...' and either get them to make dad a card or craft gift. Or just take them to M&S gift section or similar and let them pick something for £10 or less. Keeps it all about the children, not him or OW.

I agree with pp. Your daughter should make him something

I normally let my daughter have a tenner and chose something from Tesco for him. He never gets me anything from her, she likes to get me gifts, so now I get a friend to take her out for an hour to a shop and pick something up for me. Makes her feel like she’s giving me a gift, she would feel sad otherwise.

I wish he did it but he doesn’t so I have to just help her in other ways.

It's such a shame that some men are just selfish and thoughtless when it comes to these things. My ex made sure to take our girls out and get my birthday presents (his new gf wrapped them too). He probably would have done my xmas ones too but has covid so I think he's ordered online and liased with my mum to send them to her house.
As much as him amd I have our issues we have managed to at least keep this element of joint parenting going.

@Itsybitsydooda

It's such a shame that some men are just selfish and thoughtless when it comes to these things. My ex made sure to take our girls out and get my birthday presents (his new gf wrapped them too). He probably would have done my xmas ones too but has covid so I think he's ordered online and liased with my mum to send them to her house. As much as him amd I have our issues we have managed to at least keep this element of joint parenting going.

This is lovely! And how I would like it to be. We went and got him a gift today. Like you've all mentioned, it's about her not him and I don't want to be the cause of her being upset. Someone said it but she'll remember that going forward and it will teach her another element of being the bigger person. I'm forever telling my DD's to be kind to I ought to practice what I preach.

She chose a mug, some chocolates and a magazine!

Update - he's not seeing Dd on Christmas Day because she isn't expecting him to 🤦🏻‍♀️ he was due to see her 27th but still pop for Christmas Day breakfast with us as agreed months ago. How do some parents go from being amazing and seemingly perfect to being the total opposite? Can an affair really change you that much??

No it can't.
He's always been this way.
'loves' the kids while he's shagging the mum and getting domestic service. Moves on to the next woman and the kids no longer come with the benefits.

That's why you see so many men playing daddy to their new partners kids when they'd be hard pressed to pick their own out of a line up

Is there anyone else who can facilitate your DD buying you gifts on birthdays and Xmas? I’ve always done this with my kids even before divorce as my ex was so shit at gift buying. After the age of about 5 I’d even say choose something from this aisle and pop my scarf over it to hide it and we’d engage the checkout person to put it through without me seeing it! I’ve had my daughter add something to my online basket before saying choose me a nice something from this online shop I like etc. Obvs I pay for it but like someone said up thread you teach giftgiving and they love to give something even it’s just a random bath thing from the toiletries aisle at tescos. Much easier if there’s a relative or a friend who can pop to the shop with her!

My children didn’t get me and their father anything for birthday / Christmas until they had their own money to buy it. It just isn’t a thing in my family. We would get a card for mothers / Father’s Day but not an actual present.
As adults, both my girls buy us lovely gifts for birthdays, Christmas and mothers / Father’s Day.

@SallyAnn32

Update - he's not seeing Dd on Christmas Day because she isn't expecting him to 🤦🏻‍♀️ he was due to see her 27th but still pop for Christmas Day breakfast with us as agreed months ago. How do some parents go from being amazing and seemingly perfect to being the total opposite? Can an affair really change you that much??

I think it’s weird to have 2 people who don’t want to be around each other anymore play at happy families on Christmas Day. The children don’t want to see their parents being awkward with each other. They may have witnessed all sorts of things as a result of the split, and certainly be aware of their parents animosity towards each other. Just do your own thing with each other - not including their father isn’t the end of the world. I spoke to my DD1 about this very thing the other day. Me and her father split when she was 6. From then on we had her for alternate Christmas and birthdays, so in effect she had 2 of each. I asked her how she felt. She said she doesn’t remember feeling sad when she was very young, and when she was older she looked forward to getting double pressies 🤣. She knew how both of us felt when we split up and as a teen / adult, didn’t want to have to deal with us being in the same room. In fact, the first time we were actually in the same room was at her wedding! We do bump into each other a lot now as we have grandchildren, and dd doesn’t feel awkward anymore.

@winniemum

Agree with wild seas. Get him something. There was an article about this very topic in a newspaper this weekend. It said that children can feel very awkward turning up empty handed and they will feel proud that you supported their relationship. Made sense to me. I’m going through a very messy divorce atm but will still send a small present for my DH as I think that’s what my (older) kids would like.

Agree with this and the glitter suggestions.

I would prefer just 27th no bad juju on the day and you van relax in your jammies / do what you like.