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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I want the house

28 replies

GoodnightGrandma · 16/12/2021 21:59

Is there any way of getting myself in a better place than my DH to get the house ?
I’d happily buy him out, but what if he refuses that and says he wants the house ?

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 17/12/2021 11:40

Are there any children involved and if so, who would be their main carer? All else being equal, if the two of you were squabbling over who got to buy the other out then you’d take it to court and it would more than likely be ruled that as the children’s family home, the parent with residence would take precedent. If no children and you can’t reach any agreement then ultimately the court will make the decision for you and, all else being equal, would likely order a market sale.

Has he given any indication he’s interested in keeping the house? It’s always better to settle as much as you can between you rather than pursue expensive legal action.

Original poster
GoodnightGrandma · 17/12/2021 13:38

Kids both over 16, one at college and one at Uni, so I suppose this would still count as their home ?
I’ve told him I want the house, at the time he said he’d think about moving out, but he’s had time to think now so I don’t know what he’s thinking.

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 17/12/2021 14:45

Agree with a PP. if you can't decide on the split then the court decides and they would very likely decide a v50/50 split. Your 16 year old will be closer to 18 by the time you get to court and wont therefore count as a dependent child, only a adult child -which the courts really don't involve themselves with.

What about pensions? Could you trade pension for equity?

Original poster
GoodnightGrandma · 17/12/2021 14:48

Yes. I’m hoping he’ll keep more pension, but I don’t know.
How can you have been married to someone for so long yet not be able to talk anymore.
I’m scared that if I tell him what I want to do, he’ll agree all sorts , then turn around and not do it just to spite me.

OP posts:
freeatlast2021 · 17/12/2021 16:10

@GoodnightGrandma How can you have been married to someone for so long yet not be able to talk anymore. I ask myself the same thing every day.

I am sorry you are going through this. I would strongly suggest you talk to a lawyer. I know that they are expensive and most of us do not have money to pay for them, but even only one session if you can afford it worth it.

Original poster
GoodnightGrandma · 17/12/2021 21:28

I’ve spoken to a solicitor, he suggested I get a mortgage. He must be joking, I won’t have much money left over at the end of the month, and I’ll need to save for car and house repairs.
But I know that DH will want enough to buy a house, even though he could afford a mortgage. I’m hoping he loves his pension more than the house !

OP posts:
Tinkywinkydinkydoo · 18/12/2021 18:01

Can you actually afford to buy him out if you can’t afford a mortgage? You need to just get the courage and sit him down and talk it out. You need to know both of your positions. He may be happy for you to buy him out and your worrying over nothing.

sleepyhoglet · 18/12/2021 18:06

If you buy him put do you have to pay stamp duty?

PaterPower · 18/12/2021 18:35

If you’ve got a 16 year old then I’m assuming you’re both in your late 30s / early 40s? Do you both have long enough before retirement age to get a 25 year mortgage?

A lot shorter and the monthly payments will be so much higher that I’d understand why your DH would have the same qualms (as you yourself have) about taking one on. The pension’s all very fine in the longer run, but you’re BOTH going to need a roof over you.

MichelleScarn · 18/12/2021 19:53

@Tinkywinkydinkydoo

Can you actually afford to buy him out if you can’t afford a mortgage? You need to just get the courage and sit him down and talk it out. You need to know both of your positions. He may be happy for you to buy him out and your worrying over nothing.
Agree with this, don't stress about this unless this is the only position you have. But how will you have the money to buy him out?
Shmithecat2 · 18/12/2021 22:13

@GoodnightGrandma

I’ve spoken to a solicitor, he suggested I get a mortgage. He must be joking, I won’t have much money left over at the end of the month, and I’ll need to save for car and house repairs. But I know that DH will want enough to buy a house, even though he could afford a mortgage. I’m hoping he loves his pension more than the house !
If you can't get a mortgage, then even if stbxh wanted you to have the house, it won't be possible - how do you expect the keep the house?
Original poster
GoodnightGrandma · 19/12/2021 06:44

By taking less pension off him.

OP posts:
Shmithecat2 · 19/12/2021 08:39

@GoodnightGrandma

By taking less pension off him.
Is there any mortgage on the house currently?
WaterBottle123 · 19/12/2021 08:41

So the house is paid off?

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 19/12/2021 08:42

What is the current financial position?

Do you both work full time, what kind of salaries, is there a mortgage on the property, how much is the house worth?

millymolls · 19/12/2021 09:06

No one on here can tell you
Completely dependent on assets available including pensions and what that valuation is
Will then friend on
Assets available
Length of marriage
Ages of chikdren
Earnings and potential
Ability and ages to be able to get mortgages/build up pension pots
Housing needs of both parties
Overall financial split

Only a solicitor can advise you
People can and do trade off house / pension but without full facts it’s impossible for anyone to know

Haus1234 · 19/12/2021 09:09

Do you have any idea as to the relative value of the equity in the house vs the pension?

GutsInMay · 19/12/2021 09:22

Have you got a pension?

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 19/12/2021 09:27

If you have the house mortgage free, what are the plans for exH to house himself? How would he pay for that.

I did get to keep the house in a similar scenario but I had to pay exH half the market value, and took on a mortgage to do so.

LemonTT · 19/12/2021 10:13

I honestly think that making the house a red line really hampers divorce proceedings and results in worse outcomes. Usually for both parties because it racks up solicitor fees at the very least.

As people have said this may be something you can secure as part of a trade off. But that requires a negotiation. It’s always a bad move to go into a negotiation wearing your heart on your sleeve. You are basically handing the other party a huge lever in their negotiations because they know exactly what you want the most.

Good negotiations need mutual goals and win wins. The things you should want from a divorce is stability and security for your children and the ability to rebuild your financial future. These are mutual goals and fit the win win scenario.

Only one person can get the house, making it a goal means you are heading to win lose. That creates a fight. Usually for the wrong thing.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 19/12/2021 11:51

@GoodnightGrandma

By taking less pension off him.
Brilliant! Sounds like you're sorted then. You have the house, he gets the pension.
CorrBlimeyGG · 19/12/2021 12:01

By the time the divorce is finalised, it's likely the children will both be over eighteen. I wouldn't base your position on your home still being their home, he can easily drag things out until this is no longer the case.

Difficult to give more advice without context. Remember that the equity in the house has far more immediate value than the money in his pension pot, they are not compared on a like for like basis.

RandomMess · 19/12/2021 12:04

Why do you want to take on a house that need repairs and is so big?

You want something in excellent condition that is big enough for your future. Remember your DC could live with your STBXH.

Somewhere with your new memories that you can make your own, economical to run etc after gas and electric is going up up up.

Don't get trapped thinking keeping the house is some prize.

Thanks
MrsBobDylan · 19/12/2021 13:55

Since you are entering a new phase in your life, I would want the house sold and the equity split.

Then buy somewhere that suits you.

Pensions are hard to build up and it's likely that you don't have your own. A pension will be so much more important to you in years to come than a big house that needs repairs.

Viviennemary · 19/12/2021 13:59

You will just have to negotiate. I dont agree with going after peoples pensions. Thats theirs. Still you do what you have to do.