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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband wants spousal maintanance

42 replies

mia1972 · 01/12/2021 21:50

So he has left his job 7 years ago and decided not to find anything else. He did have 2 operations but could have done something. I had a baby and now we have 2 kids and i do all the working and all the house cleaning and do all the kids admin and organisation. He picks them up from school and has them until 5. We are separating for a number of reasons, one of them is his lack of wanting to contribute and spending money recklessly. Now we have decided to go our separate ways he says he is going to claim to be primary carer and that I’ll have to pay him out. Not sure what the future looks like. I wish i never married. I feel helpless and not sure why i got into a relationship with somebody like that.

OP posts:
LethargicActress · 01/12/2021 21:54

You won’t have to pay for him. You’ll have to pay for your children, but you’re doing that already.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation, but even if the immediate future looks scary, the long term future will feel much brighter when you don’t have to live in an unhappy home.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 01/12/2021 21:56

How much do you earn? You'd have to pretty much be earning a 6 figure salary before you're made to pay spousal support.

VanCleefArpels · 01/12/2021 21:58

It won’t happen. Divorced people are expected in most cases to support themselves financially. Unless there’s a reason why he cannot work then his desire to be “kept” by you will remain just that. Wishful thinking

Bananarama21 · 01/12/2021 22:00

He sounds like a cocktail lodge op you well rid.

Quartz2208 · 01/12/2021 22:04

Yes spousal maintenance is rarely given nowadays

Child maintenance yes but I cant see him getting more than 50/50

EmpressCixi · 01/12/2021 22:08

Well,
Was he primary carer before they started school? If you had them in nursery full time from when you returned to work, he couldn’t claim that he was. But if he was a SAHD, he can truthfully claim he was primary carer. And in which case, he did contribute unpaid work as a nanny or nursery would certainly have cost you money.

Him being reckless with money is good reason to divorce but doesn’t affect what he might be entitled to when marital assets are divided up.

That said, spousal maintenance is very rare and he is unlikely to get any even if he had been SAHD/primary carer. Even if he were also disabled and unable to work, that would not entitle him to spousal maintenance as he would be expected to claim disability benefits for his housing and living costs.

I agree with pp, only if you are earning hundreds of thousands a year would it even be considered. It’ll likely be a split of assets with 50/50 as starting point. I’d get legal advice as to how things are likely to balance out. As it depends on a lot of factors.

CrushedPistachios · 01/12/2021 22:08

What’s the nature of the two operations? Is he disabled?

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 01/12/2021 22:16

So if he's going to be the primary carer are the dc going to live with him and he will do all the 'admin' etc and you'll see them every other weekend (or similar)?

How much do you earn?

How much do you have in assets such as equity in the house. Savings and pensions?

Berthatydfil · 01/12/2021 22:19

Don’t accept less than 50/50 residence /overnights and there should be no maintenance payable by either of you.

Borris · 01/12/2021 22:27

My xh also hasn't worked for several years. He got no spousal maintenance and as we share dc 50:50 then no child maintenance. I do spend more on dc clothes and activities etc but I don't mind that. So unless you're vv rich I think it's unlikely.

Original poster
mia1972 · 01/12/2021 22:28

Hi, thanks I earn a decent wage but definitely not 6 figures. I work 4 days and always had a fridays with kids until they went to school. We’ll split the house and prob my pension (sic), other than that my children were always in nursery since I returned to work as he could not ‘cope’. He has had a hip replacement because he has a condition but he is not disabled has a private woodland, runs 2 allotments and cycles regularly. His health could be better yes but we never had a an agreement for him to be the sahd.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 01/12/2021 22:29

Spousal maintenance is rare now irrelevant of gender

Go see a solicitor, decide what you want in terms of custody and stop listening to his shite.

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 01/12/2021 22:31

How many nights a week are you planning on having the dc?

Original poster
mia1972 · 01/12/2021 22:50

I’d like min 50/50 but ideally a bit more as my daughter is 4 and does not cope well without me for long

OP posts:
Melroses · 01/12/2021 22:53

Is he splitting the private woodland?

Original poster
mia1972 · 01/12/2021 22:58

Well that is going to go in the assetts to split i guess

OP posts:
EmpressCixi · 01/12/2021 23:29

So since he could never cope with the DC, he can’t claim he was primary carer. This means he is at a disadvantage if he tries to claim to be resident parent or 50/50 split of custody. You could argue he should get one visit a fortnight as he can’t cope and he’d owe you CMS if he gets an income.

Yes, his woodland would be viewed as a marital asset. If it’s big & valuable enough, it might be he keeps woodland and you keep the family home.

A solicitor can guide you through different scenarios and offers for mediation to split the assets.

Original poster
mia1972 · 02/12/2021 08:19

I wish the woods were worth more but no, I’d like to leave him the woods and depending on how much they are worth something else to achieve a clean break. I just don’t think i could manage paying a monthly salary. All this is going to be very hard.

OP posts:
Original poster
mia1972 · 02/12/2021 08:20

I was hoping to split the equity in the house 50/50 i worry i will have to leave him more in order not to have to pay him. That means i’ll end up with a massive mortgage.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 02/12/2021 08:52

You will not have to pay him. Assets split, childcare sorted (with potential child maintenance) and that is it

Get legal advice

Canigooutyet · 02/12/2021 09:04

You need proper legal advice. No-one on here can answer as there are too many variables.

www.mediateuk.co.uk/guide-to-spousal-maintenance/

CoachBeardless · 02/12/2021 09:23

It's VERY unlikely that you'll be required to pay him spousal.

It's very rare that this is awarded unless one half is earning well into the six figures a year.

Neveragain85 · 02/12/2021 12:08

I would say he is pushing his luck. As others have said see a solicitor & push for more than 50% of assets. All assets need to go onto the pot & make a proposal of what you think is fair. Good luck

LemonTT · 02/12/2021 16:11

I don’t think he is pushing his luck.

By any definition he was a SAHP for 7 years. This was how they lived as a family and the OP accepted it. Most SAHP are able to work just like him. That’s not really the issue. It’s the impact that their arrangement has had on his earning potential that matters.

Whilst he will be expected to work, he won’t be able to earn as much as the OP. There is a strong argument for a bigger slice of the assets, even for a limited mesher order. His needs are more and he needs time to re-establish himself after the marriage.

50:50 on children or assets is not a done deal here.

MorningNinja · 02/12/2021 16:15

If you're not hitting 6 figures there is no way you will be paying SM.

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