Page 2 | Husband wants spousal maintanance

BiddyPop · 02/12/2021 16:23

But SAHP do not require nursery places for while the other parent is in work as childcare.

So he may have left the workforce 7 years ago, that doesn't mean he has been the SAHP caring for the DCs for that period of time.

In fact, if he has been tending a woodland and allotment, while perhaps not earning a wage, that does make him economically active and not available for childcaring purposes, in that time.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 02/12/2021 16:27

Kids are at school so they don't need a SAHP, especially not one that only does the job for an hour a day and expects the other partner to do all the cleaning and admin. Id be separating immediately, removing all his access to my money until ordered otherwise, and getting a great lawyer with my salary to fight to be the resident parent. He needs to start paying his 50% of the bills and mortgage too. Tell him to make a claim for UC. Get your divorce paperwork in first too so you control the process. And don't worry, any woman who walked into Court in these circumstances with school aged children will be told to get a job, and so will he.

LemonTT · 02/12/2021 16:34

@BiddyPop

But SAHP do not require nursery places for while the other parent is in work as childcare.

So he may have left the workforce 7 years ago, that doesn't mean he has been the SAHP caring for the DCs for that period of time.

In fact, if he has been tending a woodland and allotment, while perhaps not earning a wage, that does make him economically active and not available for childcaring purposes, in that time.

Lots of SAHM use childcare and have other interests. He’s not that different. I’m not trying to disappoint the OP, but I doubt a SAHM would be expected to work because she can or not use nurseries. The court isn’t going to arbitrate on why or how couples lived the way they did. It’s simply a fact. The issue is the impact it has on their life going forward. They will probably both present very different versions of the roles they played to support different contentions.

PoorTess · 02/12/2021 16:38

@LemonTT

I don’t think he is pushing his luck.

By any definition he was a SAHP for 7 years. This was how they lived as a family and the OP accepted it. Most SAHP are able to work just like him. That’s not really the issue. It’s the impact that their arrangement has had on his earning potential that matters.

Whilst he will be expected to work, he won’t be able to earn as much as the OP. There is a strong argument for a bigger slice of the assets, even for a limited mesher order. His needs are more and he needs time to re-establish himself after the marriage.

50:50 on children or assets is not a done deal here.

I was going to say more or less exactly this.

Queenoftheashes · 02/12/2021 16:50

I always thought on here SAHPs were the ones who did all the cleaning…

gogohm · 02/12/2021 17:06

Parents are expected to find work, even with a disability unless they receive support group esa or uc equivalent (serious lifelong disabilities incompatible with working) I doubt you will need to pay spousal, no cms as long as you have them at least 50/50

Santaischeckinglists · 02/12/2021 17:10

Start keeping a diary of all appointments you arrange and attend with the dc..
Can he show he actually parents the dc or is just sitting on his arse for 90 mins?

frazzledasarock · 02/12/2021 17:12

If children are in childcare during the week. He’d be hard pressed to show he’s the main carer.

It will be more like 50:50 child contact.

Get legal advice. And don’t ask for less. Ask for more then negotiate down.

Doesn’t sound like he will actually do any massive amount of parenting as he doesn’t currently and isn’t even bonded enough with your DD for her to want to be with him 50:50.

Santaischeckinglists · 02/12/2021 18:11

Keep note of who dd asks for during the night for example /when she is upset /when she is poorly... If he was the main carer it would surely be him? Keep receipts for any purchases you actually go and get - even if out of joint account..
Who gets food shopping? If ordered who does it? Prove you are the main everything if you are!!

PoorTess · 02/12/2021 19:52

Quite striking that so many people are basically trying to find ways for the OP not to have to pay CM or spousal support and to hand over as few assets as possible. Also an interesting reference to the man possibly "sitting on his arse". If a man made these comments about a SAHM (or a woman who was nominally a SAHM, being unable to work through ill health), and was trying to find ways to hand over as little as humanly possible whilst wanting to have the child at least half of the time, he would get an absolute pasting on here.

Santaischeckinglists · 02/12/2021 20:05

On paper he may be the primary carer. Op needs to show that isn't the case irl. Surely he isn't justified in having Cms?

EasyBreezy · 02/12/2021 20:18

If you are eligible for child benefit, who claimed it? That can indicate who the main carer is.

BasicDad · 03/12/2021 02:37

I don't think childcare/nursery will have much bearing on avoiding primary carer label, fairly or not. I had a similar "couldn't cope" scenario and it wasn't even a consideration.

Get legal advice. You need it.

AndSoFinally · 03/12/2021 15:00

I would stop referring to him as SAHD and start referring to him as simply Unemployed.

Don't use the label if it doesn't fit

FutureExH · 22/12/2021 15:37

@mia1972

So he has left his job 7 years ago and decided not to find anything else. He did have 2 operations but could have done something. I had a baby and now we have 2 kids and i do all the working and all the house cleaning and do all the kids admin and organisation. He picks them up from school and has them until 5. We are separating for a number of reasons, one of them is his lack of wanting to contribute and spending money recklessly. Now we have decided to go our separate ways he says he is going to claim to be primary carer and that I’ll have to pay him out. Not sure what the future looks like. I wish i never married. I feel helpless and not sure why i got into a relationship with somebody like that.

He's got a strong case for a bigger percentage of the assets than you and to be the primary carer. Spousal maintenance depends on your ability to pay it. Unfortunately the law has never cared whether the SAHP was a domestic god/goddess or a lazy arse who sat on their backside watching daytime TV or playing on their phone all day. They just see you going to work, them staying at home and just assume they're the primary carer.

Two other factors acting against you are that it sounds like he's in ill health (the operations) which might reduce his earning capacity and judging from your username are you' both nearly 50? This reduces the time available to him to stand on his own two feet.

To minimise the difference in the asset split and avoid spousal maintenance I would look at the following:

Find out his earning capacity (benefits and employment income);
Make sure you get 50/50 custody so you don't end up paying him child maintenance;
Look at what universal credit he could receive. You lose UC £ for £ against spousal maintenance and if he has no other income you could find you have to pay him over £800 before he saw any increase in his income. Chances are you don't earn enough to reasonably do that unless you earn more than £90k;
Noting the reckless spending. Remortgage to minimise the equity in your home and pay off any other debt like credit cards. That avoids you ending up with only 30% of the assets and a load of other debt.

Theunamedcat · 22/12/2021 15:43

How old are the children? Sahm status doesn't last forever my mom got a larger part of the house because I lived at home but dad took the savings as an offset

MarieG10 · 27/12/2021 07:50

@Quartz2208 "You will not have to pay him. Assets split, childcare sorted (with potential child maintenance) and that is it"

I think if @Quartz2208 is referring to spousal then probably correct. However the rest is impossible to predict without more knowledge of childcare split, length marriage, each contribution etc. He will no doubt argue he is the primary carer and has forgone a glittering career to support you in yours and your success is down to his support (which is what a lot of women argue when the reality is a lot of spending and coffee mornings!)

The reality is you need a solicitor to lay out the various scenarios to you and what each one is likely to result in. Suggest you ask the likely legal bill for each one and double it to prepare yourself...prob around £350 an hour plus VAT.