Anyone been in a refuge recently?

[MumE78]

I have a window of opportunity to flee next week but I'm quite anxious about going.

I've had no friends for a long time & I'm worried I might not fit in or mix well.

Do women support each in them?
Can anyone share there experience?

Hi, what kind of accommodation do they have? The ones near here are dispersed so only one or two people per property.

Hugely depends on the accommodation. You get self contained flats mainly so you wouldn't have to share a sleeping space with anyone except your children if you have any. Just kitchen, living and bathroom facility are normally shared.
You get a lot of emotional support in refuges, lots of women in your situation, you can find solace with help from others, but equally nobody will hold it against you if you want to keep yourself to yourself x

have you got a place? if not, start - if your window of opportunity is small, you need to get sorted soon- sadly there are not loads of empty refuge spaces

I have no idea what I'm going too atm

I called the National abuse helpline and they've said I'll get told on the day where they have a space for me until then I have no idea.

I was hoping to give my teen some insight on what to expect

don't worry about not fitting in
all kinds of women experience domestic abuse, so you get all kinds of women in refuge- all ages, all races, all classes
it's not easy sharing space- you will have your own bedrooms, but might have to share a kitchen and/or lounge
BUT you will all be safe, and at the beginning of a new life, so it's worth it. Staff will help you sort benefits, schools, GP and everything else.

I didn't have the best Experience being in refuge, but it's still the single best thing I've ever done for myself or my kids, I was very angry and traumatised and used to being isolated so it wasn't easy for me to make friends because I had my defences up all the time, but even though I didn't make life long friends I did talk to the other women and I accessed every bit or domestic violence support going, had therapy, did loads of groups and it's got me to a better place now. Other women Seemed to really enjoy being in refuge and were sad to leave , so it is a mixed bag and depends on where you end up, whether your sharing facilities or got a self contained apartment, whether the workers are nice or not, whether your kids get on well with the other kids or not. Nobody can guarantee it will be a positive experience being in refuge, but being out of an abusive relationship, getting your life back, having the room to heal, your freedom back and finding some peace, joy, love, hope and self esteem back is worth it anyway.

The best bit is you get to be safe. I didn't even realise I was on guard all the time back then and scared all the time, I didn't realise until that feeling went away that I had been living on my nerves for years

Don’t have any knowledge or experience but just wanted to wish you all the best. Stay strong Op

My experience was a few years ago, but I had my own self contained flat. I had an assigned support worker who helped me sort out benefits, and do changes of address in a way that kept my location confidential. The dc got assigned workers, and there were various groups and things. Ds2 even got to go on a residential group camp thing, all dc who had been through similar things. There was also help applying for school places. I did meet other women, and although we didn’t really keep in touch, they were easy to speak to. I also got help moving on from refuge, and settling into my own tenancy, including access to grants for furniture etc.

Wherever you go it takes a couple of days to unwind from the shock of doing it. I cried for about two full days, the other women told me they had done the same thing.
I was with two other families, it was strange to start with but the amount of help you get from staff to settle you is fantastic.
I wouldn't say I loved the sharing part but it's changed my life for the better 100%.
We got given food and supplies on arrival with a cupboard set aside for us and shelves in the fridge.
Toiletries and anything you need like that.
It feels very overwhelming at first but getting into a safe bed in a safe house at night felt amazing. I have fond memories of the night times with my kids that I'll never forget.
Good luck

Thank you everyone

I've got a mixed bag of emotions about going tomorrow.
Our space in a refuge isn't available until 15th Dec so we're Air bnb all over the place until we can get in there.

My daughter (15) is excited & viewing this as a road trip until 15th

I'm bricking it tbh, trying hard to hold it together for her right now.

I know this is the best option for us but actually doing it is quite scary stepping into the unknown.

Refuge have been unbelievable with the support they've offered and I'm so grateful for the outreach service they give.

I hold a senior role in a company and waving goodbye to my career today is going to be tough but my work have helped me get this far and will support me with references etc when I'm ready to work again.

I wish you both the best of everything and a calm future.
Good luck tomorrow, I will be thinking of you

Wishing you all the very best, you will have each other and although it will be challenging it's the start of a new,safe, independent future of freedom!

Good luck OP 💪

Wishing you all the very best as you start your new life; I think you're incredible. You'll be in my thoughts.

Just wanted to give an update.

We made it safely to the refuge this week.

It's been a strange few days not sure if I'm feeling happy or sad or feeling anything at all, just abit numb.

My daughter has already been offered a space at the school she chose which has an Ofsted level 1 Outstanding grade.

Don't think it's going to be an easy ride but I think we will be fine.

Congrats on beginning your new life. Great result re daughters school.

You’re doing the right thing.

That is absolutely fantastic news. I'm so glad your daughter has settled so quickly. It's going to be a hell of a change for you but you know in a few months you will look back and wish you had done this so much earlier. And wishing you the very very best of luck and I hope you got your career started in the near future. 💐

Thank you for updating us; that's wonderful news. The rest of your life starts here

Your DD sounds amazing - resilient, positive, and like a great person to have by your side. You've done something very amazing there. Good luck to both of you. You've given me a little prickly, damp eye, and I wish you both every success and happiness xx

So glad to hear it, OP.

I have a lot of admiration for you and your daughter. You have done one of the hardest things possible for reasons many can't comprehend. It's genuinely lovely to see you are putting both yourself, and without doubt your daughter, first and rightly so.

I wish you lots of strength and luck in your journey ahead.

Wishing you and your DD a fantastic new life. You both deserve it,
. Happy Christmas 🎅

Wishing you both so much happiness for the future. You have been so strong and so brave. Here’s to your new life.

You are both incredibly brave, wishing you the very best x

Well done, OP. I used to work in refuges. Just take all the support offered, it’s only a temp arrangement and then you’ll be on to your new life.