FDR Hearing | Mumsnet

Strongerthanyouthink · 18/10/2021 16:29

I haven't got a date for my FDR yet, so can't help. But best of luck. Can you update after it's happened! Are you having a barrister?

comfortablyfrumpy · 18/10/2021 16:56

@ivegotthisyeah

Hi all has anyone recently gone through a FDR hearing in court as part of their divorce ? I honestly didn't think it would get this far but it's happening on Thursday my solicitor has briefed me and reassured me but I still feel so nervous and probably won't sleep until it's done

Mine's not far away. Easy to say, but try not to worry. All the prep will have been done, it's just the hearing to get through.

Have you got a Barrister too, or is your Solicitor representing you?

Did you manage to get anywhere at all with negotiations/ without prejudice offers? Does your Solicitor think you might get resolution then or that it will go to a final hearing?

Good luck for Thursday.

Original poster

ivegotthisyeah · 18/10/2021 17:01

Just a solicitor I can barley afford her but I know it's money well invested hopefully! Tbh what we can't get to a decision on isn't even worth the cost of going to court but the other party are tight and mean and wants me and his kids living in a box!!
We have been back and forth on offers my last being very very reasonable but he didn't go for it 😔. Done mediation, two rounds of solicitors I'm at a point now where I want it ending and a TP ( the judge ) to tell me what's fair I can take it from the judge but not a bullying intimidating ex!
Good luck for yours too

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comfortablyfrumpy · 18/10/2021 20:55

I think we're in not too dissimilar a position! Sometimes you just need that third party to tell it how it is :) Good luck for Thursday, will be rooting for you!

Original poster

ivegotthisyeah · 18/10/2021 23:27

@comfortablyfrumpy thank you!!

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comfortablyfrumpy · 20/10/2021 15:39

Are you all set for tomorrow @ivegotthisyeah? We're rooting for you [grin}

Original poster

ivegotthisyeah · 20/10/2021 17:17

@comfortablyfrumpy ready as I can be I think!
Just got home from work going to have a glass of wine and try and chill out ready for tomorrow thank you for asking x

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momentumneeded · 20/10/2021 20:56

Just wanted to wish you all the best - I have mine coming up soon and I know I will feel the same. I think we have to trust in the process but like you I just want some clear guidance from the judge! Stay strong. Would be interested to hear how you get on!

crimsonlake · 20/10/2021 21:05

Apart from the outcome you have nothing to worry about since you are being represented, apart from seeing your ex that is.
If you cannot agree the finances at FDR they tend to give you an indication of the outcome if it goes to FH. However in my experience and I have had a lot since I self represented through what incredibly amounted to seven hearings...It all depends upon what side of the bed the Judge got out of that morning and what he had for breakfast.
Wishing you the best outcome, good luck.

Original poster

ivegotthisyeah · 20/10/2021 21:25

@crimsonlake let's hope she/ he had a wonderful breakfast had lots of sex last night and gets up in a happy great mood 😩

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Original poster

ivegotthisyeah · 20/10/2021 21:26

@crimsonlake 7 hearings?!?! Omg

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Original poster

ivegotthisyeah · 20/10/2021 21:27

@momentumneeded thanks will defo update good or bad I'm terrible for retaining important Information in my brain! the kids suck the life out of my brain cells and work 😂

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crimsonlake · 20/10/2021 22:20

1 FDA, 2 FDR'S, 2 FH. 1 enforcement hearing, 1 or 2 variation hearings. Tbh I have lost track and look back and wonder who was that person and wonder how I did it. At the end of the day no one will care about your case more than you. Since you are paying I hope you have a good solicitor.

Original poster

ivegotthisyeah · 21/10/2021 11:10

@crimsonlake hope your outcome was what you wanted?
Well today's the day absolutely nervous as hell had all sorts of weird dreams last night!! Heads full of it!

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Strongerthanyouthink · 21/10/2021 13:50

I hope it is going ok for you today. Fingers crossed you get the best outcome.

comfortablyfrumpy · 21/10/2021 15:05

[quote ivegotthisyeah]@crimsonlake hope your outcome was what you wanted?
Well today's the day absolutely nervous as hell had all sorts of weird dreams last night!! Heads full of it! [/quote]
Hope your Judge has had a fabulous night's sleep and the world's best breakfast, and that it is going/has gone your way

Original poster

ivegotthisyeah · 21/10/2021 20:37

I survived!! Had a very old fashioned posh male judge ex barrister. It didn't go my way 💯 but I am happy with the outcome and the judge was fair to both parties. He didn't go into any small details we raised ( such as hiding money was t huge amounts ) but concentrated the the main issues we were stuck on. His judgement was very helpful and he gave a judgment on what he would order should it go to a final hearing.
Defo glad it's not going to a final hearing 💰
Thanks for all your wishes x

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Moutainwoman · 21/10/2021 21:34

So very pleased for you! Hope my judge has sex breakfast and bluebirds chirping 🙂

momentumneeded · 22/10/2021 06:45

So pleased for you! Must be a huge relief!

Did you settle then and how did this happen? Did you both go with the judge's view and settle on that basis?

Phew! It does eventually end then .. 🤞😊

GentlemanJay · 22/10/2021 08:34

I had a solicitor. My wife had a solicitor and a barrister. It didn't benefit her one bit. We ended up splitting things 50/50.

18 months earlier I would have accepted that without court. We would have saved a combined total of £30,000.

GentlemanJay · 22/10/2021 08:37

@crimsonlake

Apart from the outcome you have nothing to worry about since you are being represented, apart from seeing your ex that is. If you cannot agree the finances at FDR they tend to give you an indication of the outcome if it goes to FH. However in my experience and I have had a lot since I self represented through what incredibly amounted to seven hearings...It all depends upon what side of the bed the Judge got out of that morning and what he had for breakfast. Wishing you the best outcome, good luck.

This re the judge. According to my solicitor one sticking point could have gone "either way". The judge called the representatives in and told them straight away he wasn't interested in listening to that argument. From that point forward it became quite simple with a series of offers being made to me by her side.

GentlemanJay · 22/10/2021 08:39

@ivegotthisyeah

I survived!! Had a very old fashioned posh male judge ex barrister. It didn't go my way 💯 but I am happy with the outcome and the judge was fair to both parties. He didn't go into any small details we raised ( such as hiding money was t huge amounts ) but concentrated the the main issues we were stuck on. His judgement was very helpful and he gave a judgment on what he would order should it go to a final hearing. Defo glad it's not going to a final hearing 💰 Thanks for all your wishes x

This

The judge was not interested in who'd did what and who said what. The bare monetary facts were all that concerned him.

crimsonlake · 22/10/2021 09:15

How do you feel about it all this morning op now you have had time to reflect?
You mentioned it did not go your way...but fair? If there was not a great deal of money in the pot to fight over the Judge was probably frustrated that it had gone this far. Yes, glad he gave an indication of what the outcome would have been if you had not both agreed and settled. However it would have been a different Judge for the FH and it could have gone a different way, that is always the risk.
Hopefully your ex will comply with the actual Order and you can get on with your life. Well done.

Original poster

ivegotthisyeah · 22/10/2021 10:01

@crimsonlake thanks, I mean I went in with my last offer to him to settle ( Pre FDR) and my ex went in with his last offer and I would say we met In the middle slightly more to my benefit. We were not talking huge amounts of money at all and the judge did say I warn you now if you can't settle this today you will spend a lot of money at the final hearing however we had both expressed we wanted to settle today and use the judge purely for guidance which is when I realised I have to give and as did my ex.
I'm quite happy with the outcome and even more pleased it's nearly over. Mentally that's a massive thing for me. I found the whole process exhausting whilst trying to work run a house and look after three kids.
The judge was clear that the children come first and their needs and we needed to avoid at all costs selling the FMH where they live with me

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comfortablyfrumpy · 22/10/2021 12:19

[quote ivegotthisyeah]@crimsonlake thanks, I mean I went in with my last offer to him to settle ( Pre FDR) and my ex went in with his last offer and I would say we met In the middle slightly more to my benefit. We were not talking huge amounts of money at all and the judge did say I warn you now if you can't settle this today you will spend a lot of money at the final hearing however we had both expressed we wanted to settle today and use the judge purely for guidance which is when I realised I have to give and as did my ex.
I'm quite happy with the outcome and even more pleased it's nearly over. Mentally that's a massive thing for me. I found the whole process exhausting whilst trying to work run a house and look after three kids.
The judge was clear that the children come first and their needs and we needed to avoid at all costs selling the FMH where they live with me [/quote]
I'm so pleased you got the outcome you're happy with.

I am also hoping my judge will put the children first as it sounds as if we are in not dissimilar positions.

Have a lovely weekend knowing that it's all over and you can breathe and enjoy your new life!