Hi,
I have just divorced my wife. We have one 6 year old son.
I would like to request first that you read my post with an open mind and assume that I am telling the truth here and not exaggerating my ex wife's lack of parenting skills. Please also consider what advice you would give if the genders in my story were reversed. I understand that some ex husbands do criticise their ex wives unfairly, however please take what I have written below at face value.
For various reasons we have currently a status quo that our son stays with me Sundays to Fridays and goes to my ex wife Friday afternoons to Sunday afternoons. This means that I am doing the whole school run and she is just doing the weekends.
I would like to arrange some weekend time for various reasons. I would like to organise playdates, and do reading and homework with him, since he is very behind in schoolwork.
His mother tends to keep in indoors watching TV all weekend and does not engage with him. She does no homework, or reading, and doesn't take him to the park or to playdates. She doesn't even talk to him and gives him irregular meals. The only times he's gone out of the house have been to get McDonalds. Sometimes he has been looked after by relatives for the day instead of by her. I collect him on Sundays full of energy having been cooped up and ignored for 48 hours.
I am increasingly worried because our son is very far behind in reading, social skills and other areas. I am doing as much reading and studying as I can during the week, as well as some extracurricular activities. However this isn't enough time to close the developmental gap between him and his peers.
I have texted my ex wife to request for one weekend in four in exchange for every Wednesday afternoon, but she has rejected this request.
The problem is that although my ex wife does not seem to want to look after our son, I think she can exert a degree of control over me in this way.
My solicitor has explained that drugs, sexual abuse or violence would be the main reasons why I would be able to reduce my wife's time with our son, and her current parenting style, although damaging, wouldn't meet the threshold.
Has anybody had a similar scenario? I imagine there may be a few cases with the genders reversed. How did you sort it out? Negotiating directly with the ex? Solicitor's letter? Or did you have to go to court?
My understanding is that a court would always give each parent some weekend downtime, but my solicitor is cautious about going to court as I already have the majority of the time, and my ex wife may try to get more time with our son.