Lack of time to get the house ready for selling

[DoesLoveExist]

Hi,

I am living on the family home after initiating the end of my marriage after 27 years together (23 years married). He is living elsewhere now but rarely has the children (both teens).
I work full time and have done a lot of overtime due to the pandemic and the nature of my job. My kids live in their rooms when I’m at home - typical teens! I have to sell the house as I can’t afford to buy him out. The girl is a messy thing - everywhere she goes she is like a tornado so I’m finding it very tough getting the house in a decent state to put on the market. I don’t want to lose money on it as it will be a 50/50 split. Stbx was a hoarder so I’ve spent weeks chucking stuff out. I’m trying to get the kids rooms sorted but they go mad when so go in! The girls room needs repainting and a new floor.

I was thinking of renting an apartment and moving them there (closer to school) for a few months so I could come back here to do the place up but it will cost me hundreds and I am paying all the bills on this place. Stbx isn’t giving me anything towards the kids as he said I am living rent free in a property he owns half of!! I haven’t claimed CS because of this as he will probably start charging me rent.

Does anyone have any ideas?

What an arse.

Can you go to CMS, and simply not pay the rent if he asks for it?

I think I lot of people look at floor plans and price when they are thinking of buying a house.
I have seen some houses up for sale in a huge mess and they still sell.
I would try not to worry.
If you can get them away for a few days to get the photos done then don't worry. I've seen homes online that are immaculate and then when you view it's a lot messier.
Getting the kids away for a few days to get the photos done would be a lot cheaper than renting a flat.
Good luck.

You need to take some holiday in the week when kids at school. One day to chuck stuff out and 1 day for painting. Don't replace carpets.
Property is selling well. Invite estate agents round and ask their advice on what to sort and what to not worry about. And go with the one who actually gives it.
You could advertise for a declutterer.

Forgot to say that we don’t have any grandparents around to take them out and both aren’t outdoorsy kids (like I was) plus the eldest is forever self isolating after constantly coming into contact with positive Covid cases at school.

It’s not a mess but it’s probably because I live here that I notice the flaws. The kids are both lazy - as was he - and it’s hard work for me especially with working.

I wonder if the estate agent would accept photos I took when it’s tidy (for five minutes)?

Don’t worry about new flooring & painting, just focus on decluttering & maybe pay a cleaner to come in and give it a blitz?

It’s going to be worse now they’re finishing school next Wednesday for the summer. I’ve taken 3 weeks off but they will be with me. Their dad hasn’t got any time off over summer!!

@DoesLoveExist

It’s not a mess but it’s probably because I live here that I notice the flaws. The kids are both lazy - as was he - and it’s hard work for me especially with working.

Plenty of houses sell with lots of flaws, honestly don’t focus on it, just get the clutter out so people can see the size of the rooms

It’s a big 4 bedroom detached house in a nice area so it will sell but I want it as tidy as possible.

Rather then paying to rent , could you use the money to pay a cleaner or similar to sort a room per week ?

They never pick anything up!

My ex said he couldn’t help me much to sort out house out to sell, for various reasons. Due to my health I found it tough cleaning and sorting it out. It was in his interests however to get it sold so in the end he helped. Can you not get your ex to help out if he’s getting 50% ? Tell his his clutter will be outside in a skip and if not picked up it will be dumped.
Lift the kids stuff into black bin bags and once photos are taken they can have it back! This is your future and the kids need to start helping. Or point out they could live with dad maybe??

Can you speak to them. It’s serious. The house needs to be sold. It will affect you financially if you lose thousands. Eg how would they feel if they have to share a bedroom when you move if you only achieve enough for a 2 bed not 3 bed. Show them estate agent/show home photos. Book week off work. Order skip. All hands to deck. Option 2 they go to dads for 2 weeks and you do option 1 alone.

Are they not old enough to understand that it will benefit you all to get the best sale price?
I would start the process with an agent and then you’ll have a deadline for photo day.

I would insist they don’t leave stuff around. In terms of their bedrooms if the rest of the house is clutter free I wouldn’t have thought cluttered bedrooms that obviously belong to teenagers would detract too much.
If necessary you could say anything left out of their rooms you assume they don’t want so will be chucked.

Could you rent some storage for non essentials?

Are they not old enough to understand that if their lack of effort and mess costs you thousands then that will impact on the house you buy?

That you are already going to basically end up in a house that is worth half of the one that you've got? And so they may end up in a tiny boxroom each, or in a rough area or in somewhere they hate? There will be little point in them complaining about it if they are going to sabotage your efforts now to maximise the price you get.

Why is he getting 50% when he doesn’t have the children overnight?

Sympathies @DoesLoveExist - I’m in a similar situation. It’s easy to think the place is a state when you’re looking at it all day every day, I hope the PP who said most visitors won’t notice is right. In my limited experience estate agents always want to take their own photos, even if yours are good.

Intrigued with the financial arrangements here - again I’m in a similar situation. Does your STBXH not appreciate that you maintaining the house and getting it ready and selling it is all for his benefit too? Seems very harsh not to contribute to the costs of you taking care of his children, even with this living situation.

Not your point, but similar question to others- with two children and a father who has no arrangement to see them- why are you splitting the property 50/50? He can't charge you rent, and you should be reviewing CSM. Please don't be a walkover to keep things amicable- he's already proven he's an arse.

He can’t charge you rent, though he could stop paying the mortgage, in which case, talk to your lender about a payment holiday until your divorce financial settlement is completed.

Go to CMS for child maintenance.

If the children are living with you, you get way more than 50%. Are you aware that his pension is part of the pot of money to be split between you (of which, to repeat, you’ll get more than 50% because the children are living with you).

Get a cleaner in and Get it cleaned - or
Pay them to do it for you.
Bin stuff
Charity stuff

Better to spend some time a d a few hundred quid Rather than lose thousands on a lower sale price

Another who's wondering if 50/50 is right when the kids are with you. Have you seen a Solicitor - if not then please do see one before you agree to anything at all.

I’ll give you a bit of history and, yes, I have realised that he is being unfair and I need to change my plans.

I have been unhappy for years living, basically, in a dead marriage. I feel responsible because it’s me that, over the years, felt uncomfortable in the marriage and knew it was nothing more than friendship. I had wanted to end it years ago but was in the awkward position of knowing that if we split (when the kids were younger) I would’ve had to have quit my career due to needing childcare at crazy times within our 24 hour clock. All grandparents are RIP and my older siblings live away. I had no-one. I needed to stay to keep my salary up. I moved up into management, eventually, so got a pay rise plus lost the rubbish hours (which had started to have real impact on my life as I’d hit the menopause). I felt worse about my marriage. Kids were both in secondary school. I decided to end it. With that came guilt.

I feel bad because it was me who initiated it. He doesn’t notice anything and was oblivious to my unhappiness. At the time I ended it he’d recently inherited his father’s bungalow so he moved there and has had it done up (with a loan he will pay back on the sale of the family home). He has to give his sister half of the value of the bungalow but, yes, he is set to live mortgage free. Btw, the family home has been mortgage free for a few years (I’d overpaid it to finish it earlier) so I’m not paying a mortgage right now. He will be mortgage free if he gets 50% but he’s also a lot older than me so due to retire in the next 10 years. This also made me feel guilty. I am the higher earner (pension less as I worked part time for ten years when the kids were younger).

Kids are 17 and 13. The older one is hoping to go to university next year.

I had expected him to share the care and costs of the kids after he moved out. He didn’t. He has given me nothing towards school costs or costs that I have with them living with me. The older child stays with him maybe once or twice a week as he is old enough to make up his own mind etc. however it is very erratic and I never know when he is with me and when with him.

The younger child, 13 year old girl, refuses to stay with him as she doesn’t want to live in a bungalow. So it isn’t just a case of him not having her. She finds him boring too - well, he is. However, this means I pay for all her costs (and most of her brothers) and have her all the time. He works shifts so often can’t take her for a day at weekends. I’m finding it tough it having a break tbh as I’m in a stressful role at work and would appreciate some ‘me’ time.

I was planning on letting him have 50% of this property and not touching pensions etc. but have realised that I will end up with another big mortgage (he’d be mortgage free) and a lot less money than I should have. So, yes, I have spoken to the solicitor. I haven’t claimed CMS yet but I think, again, guilt kicks in as I know he will struggle as he earns less. I don’t want to financially cripple him. I don’t hate him. I just knew the marriage had to end.

That’s the state of play right now.

I don’t mind taking on another mortgage to get a nicer house but I don’t want huge monthly payments.

I will speak to the kids again. I’ll also take a week off to sort the place.

I think stbx thinks I’m menopausal and will call it all off - I won’t. I’ve been unhappy for years!