Lack of time to get the house ready for selling

[DoesLoveExist]

Hi,

I am living on the family home after initiating the end of my marriage after 27 years together (23 years married). He is living elsewhere now but rarely has the children (both teens).
I work full time and have done a lot of overtime due to the pandemic and the nature of my job. My kids live in their rooms when I’m at home - typical teens! I have to sell the house as I can’t afford to buy him out. The girl is a messy thing - everywhere she goes she is like a tornado so I’m finding it very tough getting the house in a decent state to put on the market. I don’t want to lose money on it as it will be a 50/50 split. Stbx was a hoarder so I’ve spent weeks chucking stuff out. I’m trying to get the kids rooms sorted but they go mad when so go in! The girls room needs repainting and a new floor.

I was thinking of renting an apartment and moving them there (closer to school) for a few months so I could come back here to do the place up but it will cost me hundreds and I am paying all the bills on this place. Stbx isn’t giving me anything towards the kids as he said I am living rent free in a property he owns half of!! I haven’t claimed CS because of this as he will probably start charging me rent.

Does anyone have any ideas?

I think the kids think I’ll change my mind too - hence why they don’t take me seriously about tidying the place up!

Sorry you are carrying all this on your shoulders. Presumably the kids don't want to move house so they aren't helping. Sounds like dd13 is in denial, poor thing.

I think I would acquire a load of moving boxes from freecycle, then box up all your DD's stuff except the basics (school uniform, some casual clothes) and shove it in the attic. Tell her she gets the stuff back when she has helped you paint the room and agreed to keep things tidy.

If he has half a bungalow, that is probably also a marital asset. Speak to a solicitor...

In terms of tidying, bribe the kids to help, get a skip, get a cleaner. Leave flooring and painting unless truly dreadful

I wouldn’t be going 50/50 on the house. Don’t feel guilty, you’re doing yourself and your kids a disservice by not getting the best deal. Speak to a better solicitor and get CMS involved. That’ll put a smile on his miserable face -irony-

Please don't agree to give him 50% of the house without proper legal advice. I'd you have to house the children you may get more. The half a bungalow is also a marital asset as is his pension (and yours). Make sure you take advice.

My 13 year old is messy but would understand if I explained the situation. Get the kids on board with this. They have to help you. They need to know the drill when someone is coming to view the house.....for us in our old house it was take all the coats off the coat rack and stick them in the car boot.....move the shoes too...etc Make the beds......the kids can do the equivalent in your home.
I don't think you would have to pay your husband rent to stay in the home while you try to sell it.....the rent money would also be a marital asset? Check it out with your solicitor.

Your kids whilst currently hurting, are old enough to understand when you say : dd I need you to tidy up for when photos are being done, someone coming to view.

Get proper legal advice. Also, as he is housed, there is no particular rush to sell right now surely?

The bungalow will also form a marital asset for the pot.

He stands to gain considerably from your current proposals. Don't do it!

I’ve moved the youngest into the spare bedroom (that was spotlessly tidy) so so can tackle her room. I’ve dismantled the bed to give us some room and will get some paint at the weekend and order some flooring. She has picked a big patch of paint off just under the curtains!
I have told her to sort out the Lego sets in her wardrobe as she has only put them together once!
I am taking the youngest away for a week in August but have taken another week off to do the place up.
I’m not to sure if I can’t put the house on the market yet until things are sorted with the solicitor??

Honestly op, what's the rush?

You need legal advice. You never know, you might get to keep the house and not have to sell it.

Also get onto CMS. He can't charge you rent for staying in the house. If he tries, his bungalow is also an asset that he should be paying you rent for back.

Don't panic. Get legal abs get ahead of the game.

I want to sell up anyway tbh. It’s quite a big house and I struggle to look after it now let alone when I’m older.
I’d love to move to a village but will probably look at a 3 bed new build somewhere in town (ideally on the edge of town). I’ll still have to take a mortgage out probably but I will see it as an investment for the kids.

You're rushing. It's understandable but these are big assets. Houses don't sell overnight. You'll kick yourself if you don't do things properly and get the best deal for you and the kids in the future. Talk to a solicitor. Agree finances then sell.

Hi,

I’ve had to come out. I’m now sat in an outdoor cafe with a San Pellegrini racking my head as to what I can do.

I decided to sort my daughter’s room this morning (2 days off work) out a bit by going through her many clothes (drawers were bursting) so I put everything in big IKEA bags and sat in the shade, in the garden, to sort them. 4 black bin bags to go to the charity shop. I asked her to help to no avail. She has sat in her room all day - on a beautiful day like today. I say her room but it’s actually the spare bedroom that was tidy before she went in it (so, I’ll now have that to tidy too).

Her elder brother (17) kept us awake last night till 1am shouting at his x-box as always. He rarely goes out. The girl had sent me WhatsApp messages asking to get him to be quiet so I’d asked him nicely and he came rushing to my door (luckily locked) banging and hurling abuse as to why I go to bed so early!! It was 1am!! I am scared of him as he has thrown things at me and pushed me. I have photos of bruises. This was part of the reason I ended the marriage as his dad did nothing about him. He is on the Xbox morning till night and the lockdown made him worse!! I work full time so aren’t around all day and he gets bad tempered if I ask him to do something else. This is partly the reason why I wanted their dad to have them to give me time for the house and for me! I have no family to help. My parents are dead. I messaged their dad to tell him he was being aggressive and he has ignored my messages.
Stbx had a weekend (4 nights) away to himself last weekend and still hasn’t had the kids and no word from him this morning. He is usually working some of the weekends but I quit my career to be around on weekends for the kids. I have just driven past the bungalow - as felt like I was going to crack up - and both of his cars are parked outside so he isn’t at work!!! Probably sat relaxing in the back garden!!

I will get nowhere with this and am going round in circles. Neither child will help!! Neither will come out of their rooms!!

I am struggling with lack of sleep as I have to get up early to open up work and the eldest is on his Xbox until the early hours. I have tried turning off the WiFi but he gets aggressive and I am scared of him. Other than this he is a bright boy!!

I keep thinking of renting a two bedroom apartment and just taking the girl but it would be too much if I’m paying all the bills for the family home and he hasn’t contributed a penny to their keep!

I have instructed the solicitor to bring in a financial solicitor.

I feel like he is doing it deliberately as he knows I have a hard time with the eldest. We lived in a sexless/loveless marriage and he wasn’t supportive of me - only interested when I got promoted. I ended the marriage as I couldn’t stand it plus he’s a lot older than me and I have no attraction towards him. It wasn’t a marriage.

I am really unhappy now. And, so alone. What can I do? I will get nowhere with the current situation.