Partner and ex-wife Christmas plans

[KimJellytots]

Hi, I know it’s early for Christmas talk, but my partner is in discussions with his ex-wife regarding their plans going forward.

They’ve been separated nearly 4 years, and we have been together for 2.5. Since they split, they’ve continued to spend Christmas Day together with their 2 kids (now 9&11).
Given I expect to be living with my partner (and the kids 50% of the time), I feel the time is right to start spending the day separately.
They believe that the best thing for the children is to continue spending the day with the 4 of them together. Although I understand this would be the ideal if possible, I feel like my needs should also be taken into account a little.

My partner is reluctant to initiate any kind of ‘take it in turns’ arrangement, because the kids would work out that it’s because of me. This could cause them resentment towards me when they realise it’s my fault they don’t see one of their parent each year.

How should I approach this? What compromise options would you suggest?

If you’re living with dp then (and have kids 50% of time), then you should be included in the Christmas invite. I feel it would be wrong to leave you to fend for yourself. The situation has moved on, and everyone has to adapt.

I personally think at their ages the DC are big enough to be having separate Christmases.

My Sd is at our Christmas morning and then goes to her mums from lunchtime. DHs ex has always liked it this way as she goes out to the pub with her boyfriend on Xmas eve night so she has a lie in and then opens presents with Sd when we take her back.

My Dh loves it as he gets to see Sd every year on Xmas.

They might actually like getting 2 Xmas days.

To me your partner is behaving like your needs don't matter and I find it strange he doesn't want to spend the day with you. Including you in their plans for example.

As soon as his ex wife gets a partner she will put an end to the arrangement. What will he do then?

OP, you said that you expect to be living with your DP, so I'm assuming you don't at the present time?

Could they not do Christmas Eve, Christmas morning together and alternative lunch and evening? So you would at least be able to be with your partner for the main part of the day.