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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Finances after divorce - How do you survive?

30 replies

Elkaye01 · 09/02/2021 12:48

I was just wondering if any of you have gone through a divorce and how many of you were just as scared as me with regards to finances? I have been with my husband (soon to be ex) for ten years and was financially dependent on him due to having to work part time as I have a long term illness. Unfortunately the illness doesn't deem me as disabled and I do not receive any benefits for it. I have fibromyalgia although I am still able to work (part time). I am not being forced to work full time to cover costs and I am really scared how I am going to survive.

I will have to look for another job which is fine but I'm not sure if I can go for a job where by I will earn enough to support myself. My ex is helping me to buy a flat and I will have a mortgage to pay.

Its all so scary and I wondered if anyone could give any tips on how they managed to survive or make money savings in their every day lives etc?

Thanks x

OP posts:
Movinghouse2015 · 09/02/2021 13:04

Have you spoken to a solicitor and confirmed what you are entitled too?

Do you own your house, if yes what is the equity?

What saving do you or your ex have, these need to be considered?

Do you or your ex have a pension? Also, needs to be considered?

Do you have children with your ex? If yes, maintenance is included.

Also, do a benefits check if you are working part time. You maybe entitled to support.

There is lots to consider, make sure you seek correct advice/guidance.

Original poster
Elkaye01 · 09/02/2021 13:49

Hi
Yes we are currently agreeing to a financial settlement. He is putting the deposit down on a flat for me and said he'll help me with initial costs, its just thereafter that Im worried about

I will own the flat outright

We have no savings unfortunately

I have a state pension and private pension

I have an 18 year old from a previous relationships so no maintenance to be paid.

Do you know where I can do a benefits check please? Also can you get benefits if you own your own property?

Thank you for your response...x

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 09/02/2021 14:28

I think you need to get proper financial advice before you make any final decisions. Whilst the idea of owning rather than renting might seem attractive to you, it’s not going to be any good if it leaves you unable to pay the mortgage. With no recognised disability, no dependent children, and no eligibility for housing benefit (only paid for rental properties) you’re not going to be entitled to any benefits and so your mortgage, all your bills and living costs will need to come out of your earnings. How are you qualifying for the mortgage without your ex also being on it and a co-owner of the property?

Original poster
Elkaye01 · 09/02/2021 15:25

The ownership will be 99/1 so I own the majority and in the financial settlement it states that I will have full profits when I come to sell the property. We have a solicitor and are going through it all at the moment. My ex has made it clear that I am to have the property and any profits as I said. We are going to get a joint mortage but I will be responsible for it at the end of year 2

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 09/02/2021 15:37

Does your solicitor think this is a good outcome for you? Have they questioned what the plan is for the mortgage after two years? What is your plan to qualify to take over the mortgage based on your sole income in two year’s time, in the case that your illness worsens and you are unable to do even work as much as you do now? What if your ex by then has met somebody else and doesn’t want to be on your mortgage anymore but you can’t get it put in your sole name?

This sounds like a very short term sticking plaster for what’s going to be a long term situation for you and whilst you’re reliant on your ex’s benevolence and money, you won’t have much stability of your own.

If your health makes it difficult for you to work full time then have you ever applied for ESA or PIP?

PicaK · 09/02/2021 16:47

I just had a quick Google about fibromyalgia and pip and there are a lot of websites with advice about claiming.
Have you put in a claim recently?
Is your statement that you can't get pip and other benefits based on what you believe or based on fact? Sorry that sounds harsh but I'm wanting to encourage you to apply right now if you havent.

joeysapple · 09/02/2021 17:00

Have you actually had legal advice? Having your ex's name on the flat could get really messy. What's his pension worth?

You're saying "he" is putting down the deposit for you. That makes it sound like he is being generous and giving you some of his money. In reality you should be walking away from this divorce with money of your own, ie a split (in whatever proportion) of the marital assets.

Please seek proper advice from a family lawyer.

Original poster
Elkaye01 · 09/02/2021 17:28

Basically because I can work part time and not deemed as disabled because of my illness (ie I can get up and go to work each day etc) I cant get PIP. They actually make it really difficult for you to get it! :-(

OP posts:
Original poster
Elkaye01 · 09/02/2021 17:30

We are about to go to mediate so that we can get the financial settlement sorted and legally bound. I am happy with what he is offering. He is paying my mortgage for two years now and will be the guarentor on the mortgage thereafter (by that point I would have equity in the property and paid a portion of the mortgage off). He is paying off all my debts and buying me a car so I am happy with the deal and I have sort legal advice on it. Its just thereafter I was looking to see how people live and how the save money etc....Like have they found any sites that offer vouchers or any money saving tips etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Elkaye01 · 09/02/2021 17:32

There will be a clause in the final consent order that states the property will be mine. We had to put his name on the mortgage in order for me to buy it but as I said below the financial settlement will detail how everything is to be. He is reasonable and believe me I dont take that for granted and will cover my back on all bases!

OP posts:
Toomanycats99 · 09/02/2021 17:44

What happens if you cannot pay mortgage at the end of year 2?

user195436581575 · 09/02/2021 17:52

PIP has nothing to do with your ability to work.

They assess how much your condition affects your ability to complete daily tasks, such as preparing food or bathing. If it is sufficiently severe then they make an award.

Moondust001 · 09/02/2021 17:56

Basically because I can work part time and not deemed as disabled because of my illness (ie I can get up and go to work each day etc) I cant get PIP. They actually make it really difficult for you to get it! :-(

I work full time, I have a well paid job, and I get PIP. PIP payments are based on the severity of your disability, not your income or ability to work.

TheNortherner · 09/02/2021 17:59

Will you have the option of taking in a student/lodger to supplement your income if needs be? The first few thousand income is I believe tax free, not sure it would affect any potential benefits or not? Financial orders are great and that but if its not a clean break and he decides not to comply in the future, then unless you get legal aid, I'm not sure how you would get it enforced without spending a lot of money...but I'm not a legal expert so might be worth asking.

VanCleefArpels · 09/02/2021 18:06

For reasons expressed by others this has trouble written all over it - if at any point your ex fails to comply the burden will fall on you to enforce the agreement. And as part owner of the property it is open to him at any time to enforce a sale which means he retains control over your future. Do you really want this? Would it not be better to walk away with a lump sum clean break settlement so you can make your own plans?

And to answer your question, if you can’t earn enough to cover expenses then you claim benefits or downsize financially

Original poster
Elkaye01 · 09/02/2021 18:34

Oh really?? This is interesting. I spoke to a few people on forums and they said it was really hard for them to get PIP as they can still work and get themselves up everyday etc and therefore aren't deemed as severe or disabled from it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Elkaye01 · 09/02/2021 18:35

Thats why I will make sure every is written in the consent order to ensure he can't do such things.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elkaye01 · 09/02/2021 18:37

The financial consent order is something that will be legally bound so if he doesn't comply then he will be breaking the law. To be honest, right now I can't get a mortgage on my own so I dont really have much choice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elkaye01 · 09/02/2021 18:37

He is going to be a guarentor on the mortgage for 5 years thereafter

OP posts:
Original poster
Elkaye01 · 09/02/2021 18:42

I just checked and my illlness is not severe enough as I can still bath, wash, take medication and feed myself with no help.

OP posts:
user195436581575 · 09/02/2021 18:50

You should take proper advice on PIP.

Citizens Advice are a good start - they have fairly detailed info on how it works which would set your misunderstandings straight. It's on their website.

Benefitsandwork.co.uk have extensive information on how to apply and manage the assessment process but you have to pay a small subscription fee to access their info.

user195436581575 · 09/02/2021 18:57

@Elkaye01

I just checked and my illlness is not severe enough as I can still bath, wash, take medication and feed myself with no help.
Can you do those things as frequently as you need?

As quickly as someone without your condition? Or do you have to rest afterwards?

Can you repeat them as many times as you need? Consecutively?

Do you take rest breaks?

Can you do them every day? Do you have worse days?

Do you use aids? Gadgets? Shortcuts? Readymeals?

You can bathe and dress yourself but does it cause you pain? Do you have to avoid certain fastenings on clothes?

Have you looked at all 15 ? And you don't meet any of the different levels in anything?

It's not just "can you feed/whatever yourself without help?" Yes/no. There are different thresholds depending on severity within each category.

If it affects you enough that you've had to work part time, how can it simultaneously not affect any of your daily activities at all? How does it affect you?

user195436581575 · 09/02/2021 19:00

That should say 12 not 15.

ruddynorah · 09/02/2021 19:04

You say 'we have a solicitor.' Just checking you do have your own? Or are you using someone your ex chose for you both?

VanCleefArpels · 09/02/2021 19:07

@Elkaye01

The financial consent order is something that will be legally bound so if he doesn't comply then he will be breaking the law. To be honest, right now I can't get a mortgage on my own so I dont really have much choice.
But if he fails to comply the burden is on you to fix it. There’s no real disincentive for him to fail to comply is there? And as others have said what happens in that 5 year period when a new partner says they don’t want him to be financially responsible for you any more?
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