Is there anything I can do?

[RedorBlack]

I’m currently in the process of divorcing stbxh, decree nisi pronounced New Year’s Eve and have a solicitor writing consent order at the moment. I’m buying him out of the house and I can just afford it though will be a real stretch. We have 2 dc (7&4)

One of the reasons is that he has never contributed much financially so I am effectively paying for the house twice, he’s not a sahp just doesn’t contribute, but he would pick up childcare costs and had agreed to pay half of food.

He is now saying that he needs to save money for moving out so won’t be paying anything at all until he moves out. I don’t know how long it will take consent order to write, be signed by him and approved by courts but guessing it could be 4-5 months at least. Meanwhile he pays for nothing but still lives here, eats food, uses washing machine, leaves lights on all the time and smirks when I try and discuss it, he finds the whole situation funny.

Is there anything I can do to get him to contribute financially? Any advice or words or wisdom to keep my cool until this is all over?

No reason why he can't move out now is there?

You don't need the consent order done for that

He won't move out until I pay him, and I'm not prepared to do that until consent order is done as he has changed his mind on what he wants 3 times already.

At the moment he doesn't pay anything so doesn't see why he should move it and have to pay for himself

Move out not it!

If it's any consolation, this is exactly what exh did to me when we got divorced and it really fucked me off too!

Has he found somewhere else to live? Can he not go and stay with his family till the consent order is done?

Make a CMS claim you are divorcing and living separately within the same property so you can do this.

It's so bloody frustrating isn't it. How did you resolve it?

No family local, and he wants to buy a house - hasn't even started looking or agreed a mortgage in principle. Seems to think he can do that quickly when the divorce and money are finalised

Probably not but can you apply for an occupation order?

Put a lock on your bedroom door and keep all food, toiletries, laundry detergent in there or the boot of your car.

You can get locking boxes for the fridge.

Random - really, i didn't know you could make a CMS claim while cohabitating. Couldn't he claim he looks after the kids half the time (he doesn't, but I can't prove it!)

@RandomMess I eventually put my foot down and kicked him out

It could take him a year to find somewhere to buy and you know how long chains can be! He really should be looking to rent somewhere for a bit or moving in with someone else temporarily. If he's seriously planning on staying there till he buys a house, I think you should speak to the solicitor about him contributing to living costs with an agreed amount.

Have you agreed contact?

Of course you can put in a claim. He may argue and it goes back and forth but once sorted will be backdated to the date you initiate the claim.

You can prove that he is making zero financial provision for them and he cannot prove otherwise.

The point of 50:50 residency means he would be providing 50% of the costs...

Oh the minute the consent order is approved, I transfer the money and his name comes off the house I am getting him out. Just worried I will lose my sanity before then. He is playing a lot of mind games at the moment

If nothing else starting the CMS claim will piss him off.

Presumably you are doing 0 for him.

When he finally moves out the plan is to split time 50:50 (one week at each house) when he eventually gets settled, so child maintenance wouldn't apply.

He wasn't worried about having them much until he realised he'd have to pay CMS so not convinced this arrangement will last.

No, nothing specifically for him, but doing all of the cooking, cleaning, looking after kids etc while he just sits around helping himself to what he wants and making more mess!

Sorry - my frustration is showing!

Locked cupboards would be a good starting point for he and his kick off the cm claim

Well at the moment he isn't providing for them 50:50 so until he is he needs to pay CMS or pay 50% of housing/utility costs and buy them food and cater for them alternate weeks.

Put in the claim. I assume CB is in your name because it needs to be for you to claim CMS.

I suspect he will never have them 50%

You aren't cooking for him as well?

Feel like I am walking a fine line, if he doesn't agree to the consent order he could force the sale of the house and I really don't want DC to lose their home.

Just wish he would take some responsibility, stand on his own two feet and bugger off

Knock 5 months of rent, utilities and food off the money you will be paying him for his half of the house.

No not cooking for him, although he hoovers up any left overs.

I doubt he will have them 50:50. By the time he buys somewhere, furnishes etc we will be in 2022! That throws up its own issues as I have a job that requires overnight stays away 3-4 times a year so no idea how I will manage that yet, but I will work it out.

This is financial abuse so I would investigate getting an occupation order.

That sounds like a really bad arrangement for such young children. Are you sure you think that's best for them?

One of my friends keeps saying it is domestic abuse, but I'm not sure if it qualifies?

What does an occupational order do?

Hollow, he has issues with being seen as a weekend dad. He did ask me to only have them at weekends but that's not happening.

When I am not around he is a great dad (the only reason I stayed so long) but just shrugs off all responsibility when I am here.

Make him move out.