Is there anything I can do?

[RedorBlack]

I’m currently in the process of divorcing stbxh, decree nisi pronounced New Year’s Eve and have a solicitor writing consent order at the moment. I’m buying him out of the house and I can just afford it though will be a real stretch. We have 2 dc (7&4)

One of the reasons is that he has never contributed much financially so I am effectively paying for the house twice, he’s not a sahp just doesn’t contribute, but he would pick up childcare costs and had agreed to pay half of food.

He is now saying that he needs to save money for moving out so won’t be paying anything at all until he moves out. I don’t know how long it will take consent order to write, be signed by him and approved by courts but guessing it could be 4-5 months at least. Meanwhile he pays for nothing but still lives here, eats food, uses washing machine, leaves lights on all the time and smirks when I try and discuss it, he finds the whole situation funny.

Is there anything I can do to get him to contribute financially? Any advice or words or wisdom to keep my cool until this is all over?

He is going to dick you about with the consent order just because he can and that makes it financial and emotional abuse.

Hopefully the solicitor will send the consent order next week. If I can smile sweetly and play nice until he signs it then I can get him out. If I blink first I have no chance of him signing

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I was feeling so alone

Oh god OP have you married my exH? Seriously though, put your foot down. Locks on everything, everything. Or if you're feeling particularly evil, laxative in the orange juice...

CMS claim is the way forward, I agree with the others. Also, what does your solicitor say about his freeloading, is there anything you can do there?

Sorry I had meant to reply to you @RedorBlack!

Hang on in there - he's being an idiot as it just makes you even more relieved when he is gone. At least if you had any doubts about the divorce, this has put pay to them!

Can you put a clause in a consent order that the amount he gets will diminish by e.g. £600 every month he stays with you to cover living expenses? It sounds like he might just continue smirking whilst sitting on your sofa even after receiving the money.

Why is he suddenly going to move out of a house he half owns? Don't be so nieve. The easiest thing would be to sell the house so no financial ties? It is not abuse

@BaskingMad

Can you put a clause in a consent order that the amount he gets will diminish by e.g. £600 every month he stays with you to cover living expenses? It sounds like he might just continue smirking whilst sitting on your sofa even after receiving the money.

If that clause was put in I wouldn't sign it , why would I agree to that?

Closetnightin I don't expect him to move out, I wouldn't either. But refusing to pay towards food bills or his children seems out of order to me.

Sorry should be Coseynightin - autocorrect took over

I had the same problem. XH lived at my expense for over 18 months. I paid 100% of everything, all bills, mortgage etc. while he lived like a lord for free. He occasionally bought food, but only because I stripped the budget right back, it was the only thing I could save money on really!
Recommendations for putting locks on things etc are not that practical when you have young DC, it could be quite distressing for them. And adding in penalties to the consent order won't work because of course he just won't sign it.
Consent orders are taking a very long time at court at the moment, so even once signed, there's a long wait.

I thought about an occupation order, might be worth looking into because it's financial abuse. This will mean he has to move out.

Otherwise, I managed to get things moving a bit quicker by agreeing an upfront lump sum (so this went into the consent order), in order to enable him to move out. I think the agreement was, upon him signing, he got X amount immediately (basically enough to rent for 6 months). With that, he had to make arrangements to move out within 28 days or something. Is that an option? At least then, once signed, the ball is rolling and you have a date.

The idea that he can wait till he has his share of the equity and then suddenly pop out and buy somewhere is ridiculous. House buying doesn't work like that! (A fantasy my XH had too). I feel for you