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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Buying a house without divorcing

34 replies

Fifi86x · 19/12/2020 13:44

My partner is still married. We are pretty sure if he files for divorce the ex wife is going to make it difficult- they have no assets, they split their debts and There’s a child arrangement order in place (which is of course all for the mother 🙄)

We want to buy a house next year, but my worry is if we buy whilst he’s still married is she then entitled to our house? He is putting down no deposit, I will be selling my house so will be putting down about £45k (separate contract drawn up for that)

Any advice with the above?

Can she just refuse to divorce him?
Could she take half our house?

Thank you! Merry Christmas xxx

OP posts:

themorningking · 19/12/2020 18:22

So if separated for 5 years he can divorce without agreement
With regards to new house - seek legal advice as it may be looked on for a part settlement : all situations are different so really do see a solicitor
With regards to child access if they are not divorced yet can that be changed as part of the divorce maybe

StephenBelafonte · 19/12/2020 18:27

Hmmm I wouldn't risk it personally.

If they have no assets and there is already a child arrangement Order in place then what is left for her to be difficult about???

FPS123 · 19/12/2020 18:29

How long have they been separated?

WhatKatyDidNxt · 19/12/2020 18:30

I also wouldn’t risk it. I would wait it out and get her divorced before buying somewhere

notdaddycool · 19/12/2020 18:30

Maybe investigate putting it on your name only. I’m sure a solicitor could help, if all equity yours then nothing to raise by selling anyway.

supportivemyarse · 19/12/2020 18:38

don't risk it, put the house in your name only. he can still live there and give you money toward the mortgage and bills.

not just because of his tangly marriage/money issues, but to protect your huge deposit against his zero deposit. put your financial security above the romantic stuff.

Theforest · 19/12/2020 18:38

I was in his situation. I paid most of the deposit and we bought as tenants in common as advised by our solicitor. This means the deposit stays mine and not his - so she couldnt get it in a divorce. Equity builds very slowly at first, so she never got anything from the house when the divorce came through. Speak to a solictor.

Original poster

Fifi86x · 19/12/2020 19:40

Thank you all.
I don’t think I can get a mortgage by myself. I’m not sure.
Child arrangement order was only completed last month.
We have been together 2 years.

We have already discussed the legal document to state any deposit being put in by me comes back to me.

OP posts:

millymollymoomoo · 19/12/2020 21:45

He needs to man up and get divorced and get a final
Consent order
No excuses

Original poster

Fifi86x · 19/12/2020 23:10

@millymollymoomoo

He needs to man up and get divorced and get a final Consent order No excuses

Millie I don’t disagree. He plans to file for divorce in January I’m just more worried that that might take 6 months and in that time we could find our new house etc. We have been looking at consent orders tonight and that seems the way to go x

OP posts:

PicaK · 20/12/2020 12:58

I'm confused.
Getting divorced is one thing. He applies online pays the 550 quid fee, ticks separated for more than 2 years with his evidence. She either agrees or doesn't with her evidence for why they are not separated. Judge rules yeah or nay. If yes he can apply for absolute within 6 weeks 1 day or whatever it is.
The kids is a different matter. If she has them he will presumably be paying cms. Mortgage company will take that into account when they work out what they'll lend you two. I'm assuming they were both renting and he's not already on a mortgage.
You can see what you'll get from all the online mortgage calculators or any free 5 min chat with a mortgage broker.
(if he is on a mortgage with her even if she's paying it he won't get another mortgage unless it's a 2nd home one which will need a massive deposit. There is only 1 mortgage company who would treat his other mortgage as just a charge and accept a 20% deposit... Our amazing mortgage guy tracked it down.)
The kids and seeing them is a whole different ball game. Totally separate. Any decision made in court only lasts 12 months anyway before it can be taken back to court.
And he can divorce her before children and financials are sorted out - though it's not advisable.

Original poster

Fifi86x · 20/12/2020 14:49

@PicaK

I'm confused. Getting divorced is one thing. He applies online pays the 550 quid fee, ticks separated for more than 2 years with his evidence. She either agrees or doesn't with her evidence for why they are not separated. Judge rules yeah or nay. If yes he can apply for absolute within 6 weeks 1 day or whatever it is. The kids is a different matter. If she has them he will presumably be paying cms. Mortgage company will take that into account when they work out what they'll lend you two. I'm assuming they were both renting and he's not already on a mortgage. You can see what you'll get from all the online mortgage calculators or any free 5 min chat with a mortgage broker. (if he is on a mortgage with her even if she's paying it he won't get another mortgage unless it's a 2nd home one which will need a massive deposit. There is only 1 mortgage company who would treat his other mortgage as just a charge and accept a 20% deposit... Our amazing mortgage guy tracked it down.) The kids and seeing them is a whole different ball game. Totally separate. Any decision made in court only lasts 12 months anyway before it can be taken back to court. And he can divorce her before children and financials are sorted out - though it's not advisable.

Hi PicaK. He has no mortgage. They rented together. I own a home with no mortgage so technically if I need to I could put down 90,000.

The child arrangement order is done. We can’t change that like you say for 12 months.
He doesn’t pay maintenance through the CSA it’s done privately between them (because then she would have to declare she gets it!)

My main concern was that she could have access to our house if it’s bought before divorce is finalised. I’ve discovered there’s a consent order so therefore stopping her ever coming after his money etc.

She’s extremely bitter. He will apply for the divorce I’m January as the two years would have passed.

OP posts:

Brownlegs11 · 20/12/2020 15:49

@Fifi86x how did they get a consent order without the divorce? I thought they happened at the same time as need a judge to sign off. Personally I wouldn’t buy a house with someone who is not divorced. If the consent order isn’t done then they take your finances into account when deciding the financial split (they could go through every transaction for every account for the past 12 months if it turns nasty - mine did) and as he would now have a house with equity in it then she will be awarded more. You could buy as joint tenants so you each have a % but personally I wouldn’t as there is still a chance the judge will see your finances as an extension of his. Buy in your name and add him on later or buy as a buy to let if your income is low and have him as a tenant? (Nothing stopping you stay there but keep corresponding address separate) You can add him on later after the divorce is finalised and change to residential mortgage.

Brownlegs11 · 20/12/2020 15:53

Also @Fifi86x if she’s bitter then be warned the divorce process could last for years and be extremely costly. mine lasted 3 years from first applying and cost over 50k in legal fees. All because my exh was bitter and wanted to make me suffer for leaving him. Every excuse to delay it and put pressure on me to hand everything to him. I’m not saying the same would happen, just be very careful

Original poster

Fifi86x · 20/12/2020 18:32

Thank you! Sorry I meant I’ve discovered there’s such thing as a consent order. By that he has one.
They literally have no assets. I’ve no idea how she can contest but I imagine she will. If not I guess he waits it out. I’m going to look into tenets in common I think.

OP posts:

Brownlegs11 · 21/12/2020 06:59

@Fifi86x even as tenants in common she would be entitled to half of what’s his. If he’s putting down no deposit and you all of it, what % would you have each? If you spilt 6 months after and you’ve put 50/50 the he will get half of what you’ve put down. Also the mortgage company won’t like that’s he’s still married, they ask if there are any vulnerabilities and being separated and not divorced is one.
Also you still run the risk of the courts including your finances with his so making his look far more than it is. Also they take into account future earning capacity and clearly with you, he has potential to increase his value much more that his ex does.

You are currently mortgage free and I understand completely why you would do this, you can free up capital using his mortgage power that he would help pay and you can use the extra to reinvest, so for you does make sense, you clearly are good with money to be able to be mortgage free.

Is there a way he could buy alone? You move in and come onto the mortgage after? Could he borrow some money off parents or whilst living with you save a deposit over the next 6 months?
My exh came into the relationship with nothing, I had my own house etc, I was in love, I shared and although whilst married we were able to increase our property portfolio because of my knowledge, it turned nasty and we lost a lot through a long drawn out legal battle, (he lost/spent everything through bitterness)
There’s a reason you partner doesn’t have assets coming into the relationship, please don’t risk yours.
Yes a consent order should be done with every divorce, especially if one is likely to make or receive any money in the future, without one, the ex spouse is alway entitled to half of it. They are expensive though and solicitors don’t do fixed fee consent orders, only by the hour as they tend to drag out

Original poster

Fifi86x · 21/12/2020 09:16

Unfortunately we have to move ASAP. I have absolutely nightmare neighbours and I’m struggling in a two bedroom house when sometimes there is 4 of us here. The money I have is family money. I can give it back to my dad if it makes things easier.
We just assumed we would buy a house and have it written into the deeds that if we split I get my deposit back.

I think it’s essential that he gets divorced first. He’s agreed that he starts that process in January. It would have been done before but we have been doing the child arrangement order and mentally that’s taken it out us both!

OP posts:

MissSmiley · 21/12/2020 09:31

@fifi86x how much debt do they both have?

Original poster

Fifi86x · 21/12/2020 10:08

They split the debt when they left. Took about 9k each. My partner has paid his side off. She wouldn’t have done and continues to rack up debt and live beyond her means. All the debt is in her name.

OP posts:

Fiona2020 · 21/12/2020 10:36

Thank you everyone for your advice. Come Jan the divorce is happening and then we can go from there.

Love eh! Scary thing!

FrippEnos · 21/12/2020 10:51

As others have said get the divorce.

But also protect your deposit on the house.

and see if he has evidence of the splitting of the debt and what she has accrued since they split.

MissSmiley · 21/12/2020 11:30

Unfortunately you can't force her to divorce if she has no incentive, unless they have been separated 5 years, I know this from bitter experience, I presented my ex with a deal that suited him and he's finally agreed to go ahead after 4 years of separation

stealthninjamum · 21/12/2020 12:52

I would be worried about buying a house with him while she’s increasing their debts. I am no expert but is he not still liable for half her debts? I think he needs to see a solicitor prepared with the questions this thread raises. Surely it should be a very easy divorce with no assets. Also it might be a way of bargaining to offer to pay some of her debts just to do it quickly. I know he shouldn’t have to but personally I would want to end financial ties with her as quickly as possible.

Fiona2020 · 21/12/2020 13:11

Unfortunately he has no money. I mean ZERO. Every single part of his savings just went on solicitors for the child arrangements. I’m at the end of my tether tbh. Honesty. Sometimes these men just get shafted!
(Women of course but not when it comes to child arrangements it seems)

We have text messages proving the debt was separated and also a nice letter from his ex mother in law saying she hopes he gets what he deserves in which she mentions him taking on “his half”

Brownlegs11 · 21/12/2020 17:38

@Fiona2020 he will be liable for half of her debt even if he’s paid off his, especially if he now has a house with equity in it. It doesn’t matter what was split before, it’s at the time of divorce/consent order.

Honestly I wouldn’t buy a house with him atm. Iv been through a horrible divorce and my partners divorce with him (although amicable, I refused to buy into a house with him until it was final. I then got added onto the house after) actually my solicitor (a friend) said he wouldn’t of signed it off as was too risky, and that was with my dp and his exw agreeing on everything

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