Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Half of the bills?is he deluded?

30 replies

havecourage8bekind · 12/12/2020 10:23

Hi, after some advice / reassurance really. I left my emotionally abusive STBXH mid November and am currently in a women's refuge with my two DC until next week when I'm moving into a rented property. STBXH emailed me last night saying he wants half of the January bills because he shouldn't be left in the lurch to pay for everything. I told him that I haven't lived (or stepped foot in) the old property since November so why would I pay January's bills? He's had three weeks to hand notice in to his house (it's a RAF house) and start making calls to utility services and hes done nothing at all? He's claiming he's done nothing because he wanted to wait until I had told him a removals van date because he couldn't hand back the house full of stuff. However, he could've handed in notice, handed the keys back at the end of December and I would've removed all stuff before then? I'm so confused!

OP posts:
Original poster
havecourage8bekind · 12/12/2020 10:23

Hope that even makes sense?!

OP posts:
KatnissMellark · 12/12/2020 10:26

Are you working? Is he paying maintenance for the kids? How did you split the bills before?

But, in general, tell him to sod off.

Can you contact welfare officer to discuss if you cannot afford to pay half? Most likely they'll put a rocket up his arse in your behalf.

Rainbowqueeen · 12/12/2020 10:26

Whose name are the bills in? If yours Id call and cancel the services. He can pay to get them reconnected If his just leave him to it.

Original poster
havecourage8bekind · 12/12/2020 10:30

No, I had to hand my notice in to leave him as Ive come into a refuge. I've applied for child maintainance through CMS but nothing through yet. He paid all bills before anyway, and my wages were our spending money. I will make some calls on Monday but just wanted to make sure I wasn't totally in the wrong! It's made my blood boil if I'm honest. I've got to pay all rent and bills on a house for me and the kids, and food on the table out of universal credit...and yet he's also expecting me to pluck £600 out of air to pay for the old house of which i won't have lived in for two months by Jan ?

OP posts:
Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 12/12/2020 10:31

Have you got proof of when you left? Email the utility company and tell them when you left...
When I left exh tried this. I paid 50 %of the monthly bill up to the date I left.
He is reinforcing you were correct in leaving...

Original poster
havecourage8bekind · 12/12/2020 10:31

Bills are all in his name. I think I might be joint on elec/gas but everything else is in his name.

OP posts:
Original poster
havecourage8bekind · 12/12/2020 10:33

The only proof I've got that I left on the 18th Nov is emails and texts from him. Then I have proof of coming into the refuge on 27th. He also knows I have no savings so it's not like he's asking because he knows I've got loads of money in the bank.

OP posts:
Original poster
havecourage8bekind · 12/12/2020 10:45

Also while I'm here....he also wants me to pay for half of loans that are in his name. Is there a set answer on whether I have to do that? Im thinking I'm going to need some legal advice aren't I?! X

OP posts:
Heyahun · 12/12/2020 10:51

Just block him and forget about it for now tbh

Weirdfan · 12/12/2020 11:00

Only got a minute to post right now OP but try rightsofwomen.org.uk/ for free legal advice, they should be able to answer your questions. And bloody well done for getting out Flowers

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 12/12/2020 11:01

Anything in his name isn't your responsibility.. He is a cf chancer..
Block him and communicate via solicitors..

frazzledasarock · 12/12/2020 11:07

Don’t give him a penny.

You’ve left in pretty bad circumstances if you had to flee to a refuge.

Concentrate on getting yourself back on your feet.

Ensure you’re removed from any bills freeze any joint accounts.

Have your own separate bank account set up and set up a redirect for post so he doesn’t open your mail.

Change passwords on everything.

Block and delete him on everything communicate via email if you must.

Don’t let him tie you in knots about paying for things. When I kicked ex out he stopped paying for everything that included bills in his own name. They came after me as I lived in the house and they would have cut off the electricity/gas/water to my property and council tax would have taken me to court, bank would have taken step to take repossess my house. I switched everything to my name as quickly as possible and paid my bills.

If he can’t afford the bills he needs to find accommodation he can pay for.

frazzledasarock · 12/12/2020 11:10

Do not pay for loans in his name.

His name his loans.

Ignore him completely.

If he asks respond those are not my loans.

Do a credit check under your own name to ensure he doesn’t take out loans or credit cards fraudulently under your name.

MessAllOver · 12/12/2020 11:22

Block him and forget about him. Anything in his name is his responsibility. Focus on organising a home for your DC.

user1936863452 · 12/12/2020 11:26

Why are you in contact with your abuser?

Do you have an IDVA or support worker? And if so, have you told her? if not, why not?

This is him continuing to abuse you. Stop engaging.

Have you done the Freedom Programme yet? It concerns me that despite being in a refuge you're unable to see that this is continued abuse and that you are enabling it.

IJustWantSomeBees · 12/12/2020 13:09

@user1936863452

Why are you in contact with your abuser?

Do you have an IDVA or support worker? And if so, have you told her? if not, why not?

This is him continuing to abuse you. Stop engaging.

Have you done the Freedom Programme yet? It concerns me that despite being in a refuge you're unable to see that this is continued abuse and that you are enabling it.

Harsh and unecessary. The OP hasn't once said that she finds his behaviour acceptable, and I'm sure she know better than anyone on here that her ex husband is abusive. She had a legal question that was concerning her so she asked for advice.

Thinking of you, OP Flowers

Original poster
havecourage8bekind · 12/12/2020 16:54

Just to clarify, I'm not in direct contact with him as I'm not allowed (refuge rules). It's via email that he's sending through his mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
havecourage8bekind · 12/12/2020 17:08

And also, I don't find this behaviour acceptable at all. That's why I'm challenging it and asking if legally I'm right to challenge it. Thank you so much to everyone for your advice :)

OP posts:
EvilPea · 12/12/2020 17:17

My ex had a lot of loans in my name. He didn’t have to pay me back for them.

However, if your married you need legal advice on that as they could be in the marital pot.

EvilPea · 12/12/2020 17:17

Oh and well done for leaving. Flowers
It is not easy

Original poster
havecourage8bekind · 12/12/2020 17:22

Will get some legal advice :) and thank you, was definitely not easy x

OP posts:
jollygoose · 13/12/2020 12:47

RAF welfare could be your friend here, he isn`t going to like his bosses hearing about his parsimony, good luck op.

Original poster
havecourage8bekind · 13/12/2020 13:01

Didnt want to involve his work, but will give welfare a call and get myself some legal advice too.

OP posts:
Veterinari · 13/12/2020 16:44

Def call RAF welfare - especially if you have any documented evidence of abuse. Even if not it will hopefully make him think twice about trying to manipulate you again

AuntieDolly · 13/12/2020 16:57

Having read your previous thread I believe he is just looking for any possible way to get at you. Please ignore him - he’ll be fine