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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Divorce and property particulars

36 replies

littleloopylou · 03/12/2020 10:57

I am thinking ahead to the next phases of my divorce. My solicitor has said that we will need to provide property particulars. My small son and I currently live in a 3 bedroom flat close to the Tube that is too small for our needs. We fled the (much more central) 5 bedroom family home due to my ex's emotional abuse (though the abuse is not at issue in the divorce).

Does anyone here have experience with this? Would it be unreasonable to say that we should be able to live in a 3 bedroom house close to the tube in our new neighbourhood?

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 03/12/2020 12:46

Why is it too small for your needs?
It depends on many factors not limited to, but include: assets of the marriage, earnings ( and earning capability), pensions, length of marriage etc

Without knowing these it’s impossible to say
But you need to understand whataFair share looks like and what you can afford on that

StephenBelafonte · 03/12/2020 13:25

Is that a typo? Did you mean to say you're currently in a 1 bedroom flat and it's too small for your needs?

Original poster
littleloopylou · 03/12/2020 13:45

It's a 3 bedroom. He is living in the 5 bedroom marital home and believes he should stay in that house even though I am the primary carer. I have an au pair, a child, and I work from home so I need somewhere to work. We also need a garden.

OP posts:
StephenBelafonte · 03/12/2020 13:49

Is there enough money for him to remain in the 5 bedroom house and for you to have a 3 bedroom house with garden?

WoolyMammoth55 · 03/12/2020 13:59

Hi OP, no relevant experience to offer I'm afraid but sorry to hear what you're going through, it sounds unfair.

If you are able to get more detailed advice through your solicitor or any friends who have legal knowledge, that's undoubtedly going to be preferable to posting here.

Wish you best of luck with what's ahead.

Original poster
littleloopylou · 03/12/2020 13:59

@StephenBelafonte

If I bought the worst 3 bedroom possible in my current area and took on a huge mortgage, yes. I just want 50% of the marital assets but my ex believes I should not get this because he brought more assets into the marriage.

OP posts:
Original poster
littleloopylou · 03/12/2020 14:14

@WoolyMammoth55 thank you Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
littleloopylou · 03/12/2020 14:16

@millymollymoomoo

"But you need to understand whataFair share looks like and what you can afford on that"

I am trying to understand what would constitute a fair share. My ex has much greater mortgage raising capacity than I do. However, properties where he lives are far more expensive than where I live. Could he successfully argue that he should get more than half of the marital assets in a 5 year marriage under these circumstances?

He is a very high earner and his salary is at least 3x mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
littleloopylou · 03/12/2020 14:26

*make that property. He is a single man living in a 5 bedroom house, alone.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 03/12/2020 14:38

Well yes he could
A fair share doesn’t necessarily equal half or more especially in a shortish marriage
How have your earnings been disadvantaged?
What does your solicitor suggest is a fair split ?

Original poster
littleloopylou · 03/12/2020 14:59

I made a lot more than he did when we met. My salary dropped a lot due to moving countries for him and to taking a more family-friendly job. I basically altered my entire life for him.

My solicitor thinks the split should go in my favour.

OP posts:
StephenBelafonte · 03/12/2020 15:05

My solicitor thinks the split should go in my favour. He said that? I would be asking him to be a bit more specific than that!

Crazycatlady83 · 03/12/2020 15:09

Why don’t you just provide properties that you like in the area that you want, within reason, that would be suitable for your families needs.

Your husband will then suggest properties he thinks is suitable for you and you can start negotiations off from there.

You should also think about suggesting properties for your husband if you don’t think he should retain the family home.

Then, if it gets to final hearing - the judge has all relevant information

movingonup20 · 03/12/2020 15:11

How long you have been married is factored in as is overseas moves for a spouses job, you need to speak to a decent solicitor. I would expect you to get at least 50% of assets which includes pensions, savings etc

movingonup20 · 03/12/2020 15:13

I should say, it matters how long you were together before marriage potentially too (and can prove it eg joint mortgage). Space for an au pair however won't be a consideration I suspect

Original poster
littleloopylou · 03/12/2020 16:02

@movingonup20

I did not move for his job. We met and I moved countries to be with him. I am American originally. We dated for 5 years before moving in.

We also had an au pair in the marriage and I have continued having one.

@StephenBelafonte of course my solicitor has given more detail than that! She is on annual leave right now though, and I like to get multiple perspectives on things.

OP posts:
Original poster
littleloopylou · 03/12/2020 16:03

@Crazycatlady83 thanks, yes. I'm sure my solicitor will give me advice but the whole thing is so stressful. I'm starting to think I should move back to the other area. I preferred it there and I only moved here because it was more affordable. It was meant to be temporary but be has dragged things out for more than a year now.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 03/12/2020 16:34

Dating won’t really count
Cohabitation prior to marriage will
Space for an au pair won’t

Original poster
littleloopylou · 03/12/2020 17:12

It is so crazy that picking up and moving for him doesn't matter. I sincerely think that I will have to take our son back to my home country if I end up getting less than half. I would have a much better quality of life there with my education and the cost of living.

OP posts:
Original poster
littleloopylou · 03/12/2020 17:42

So even though we have always had an au pair and my entire family lives in another country and I have a demanding professional job, this wouldn't be accounted for?

OP posts:
Treacletoots · 03/12/2020 17:52

Sadly not OP. Whilst I fully get why you'd choose an au pair over nursery or other childcare options, it's not essential.

Also, why are you the primary carer, why can't your STBXH take his share?

3rdNamechange · 03/12/2020 18:01

@littleloopylou

It is so crazy that picking up and moving for him doesn't matter. I sincerely think that I will have to take our son back to my home country if I end up getting less than half. I would have a much better quality of life there with my education and the cost of living.
You won't be able to take your child to another country without his father's permission.
ElephantsAlltheWayDown · 03/12/2020 18:09

OP, we have some US expat boards on facebook (including a divorce and separation board for American/British relationships) you could join for advice. Lots of lovely ladies there who have sadly been right where you are. PM me if you're interested.

Original poster
littleloopylou · 03/12/2020 19:31

@3rdNamechange of course I couldn't just pick up and move. But I've done some research and I think I would have a good case for removing him

OP posts:
auberJohn · 03/12/2020 19:43

@3rdNamechange - as you said above, your case to remove child from UK away from the father is financial:

"I sincerely think that I will have to take our son back to my home country if I end up getting less than half."

I feel sad for your child.

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