Divorce and property particulars

[littleloopylou]

I am thinking ahead to the next phases of my divorce. My solicitor has said that we will need to provide property particulars. My small son and I currently live in a 3 bedroom flat close to the Tube that is too small for our needs. We fled the (much more central) 5 bedroom family home due to my ex's emotional abuse (though the abuse is not at issue in the divorce).

Does anyone here have experience with this? Would it be unreasonable to say that we should be able to live in a 3 bedroom house close to the tube in our new neighbourhood?

@auberJohn no, it's way more than that. I have looked at the factors and they apply in this situation. I would have lots of help and family support in my home country (but I have none here). My son has no cousins, aunts, or uncles here, but many in my home country. I left a lucrative career and I would have more financial independence. We could live in a big house with a garden. My son would have access to wonderful educational opportunities.

My son's father is financially abusive and was extremely emotionally abusive. I believe he was attracted to me because he wanted to wield power over someone who had few resources in this country.

@auberJohn if I can't have au pair support, I have no family, I only get a big enough settlement to allow me to live in a small flat, and I have to work hard for less money, why would I stay here? My son's father doesn't even like caring for him.

@Treacletoots

"Also, why are you the primary carer, why can't your STBXH take his share?"

My STBXH simply would not be willing to take his share of childcare. He considers our child to be primarily my responsibility.

During lockdown, I suggested we alternate weeks, but he refused to do this unless I agreed to 50/50 custody forevermore. When I said that I couldn't possibly make that kind of promise, STBXH said that I was just trying to use him for free childcare.

I just don't understand this. Why do we accept this ridiculous notion that the father is not 50% responsible for his own child?

Why do we pander to his needs, his career, his free time at the expense of our own.

Why aren't you willing to offer 50/50 custody, surely that's in the child's best interest?

@Treacletoots

I don't think it's in my son's best interests. I also don't think my STBXH sincerely wants 50% custody. He sometimes skips his visitations because he doesn't feel like it, for example.

Additional question: when the court decides based on the property particulars, are you typically required to then buy a property of that kind in the specified area?

No. You’d be awarded a scare of assets based on determined need, depending obvs on assets available, and in order to reach h fair settlement. What you then do with them is your choice
You wouldn’t be able to move far away without your ex permission though

I know this post is old but reading it made my stomach turn. I was in a similar position to this woman but even worse. I had no family, no warning potential, and lived in a 1 bed flat with me and my two kids. (think Maid) F you horrible women who have no sisterhood and no concept of what it would be like to have to leave an abusive person so isolated from your support network. Then to have to go through the divorce with this horrible narcissist.
@littleloopylou I hope you have nailed that man in court and did what was best for you and your little one. I hope you have also healed from the experience.

I also hope non of the rest of you ever experience what this woman went through. Shame on you.

No one said anything untoward here so no idea what you’re in about Eva

and why resurrect an old thread to do so !

@littleloopylou You're getting advice from people who probably only know needs cases. Yours is quite clearly not a needs case. You are both high earners.

You are quite capable of looking after yourself and will be expected to do so, but might get more of the assets at the start provided it is fair. But if he has contributed more and your needs are met then maybe not.

But regardless, you have enough money to listen to Solicitors. The experience of women who had to fight over the "not enough equity" in the family home won't be of any relevance to you.

I don't know how it works in England; in the States (in most states) you would not be entitled to the premarital assets that he brought into the marriage. I cannot begin to understand how you convince a Court that you "need" a garden.

Better to get legal advice than opinions on an internet forum. Your list of needs would seem to be a list of preferences as opposed to a list of actual needs. It does not seem unfair that your husband should want to keep the house if he expects to have his son for a significant amount of time; he too may need a garden and a room for his au pair.