Please help I'm devastated

[louiselouisetan]

Hey all,

So I'll make this as short as possible.

I broke up with my ex 4 years ago(whom I have 2 children), I moved on quiet quickly which was very unwise. I met a man who was very eager for a relationship whom I liked but perhaps wasn't ready.

5 months in I fell pregnant which I wasn't going to keep but I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion.

I have my children every other week me and my ex have shared access but my was partner couldn't deal with it and would argue with me every time I had to collect them as he hated me around my ex and would give me such a hard time. It got to the point where I couldn't message him so I hid the messages (they were about my kids) he would find them and go mad about how I betrayed him etc.

He had been off with me for some time now so I asked him if he loved me to which he responded not anymore all the lies are too much he hated my family as they were friends with my ex (were way before I even met my ex) and was just absolutely vile about them how he wishes they were dead etc I just got my older children bunged them in the car and took them there dads they didn't need to see this.

He got our child and left with him and will not let me see him he's 4 months old he has told me I'm a scum and will never see our child I'll have to go court how he doesn't want his child around a lying piece of shit like me and they deserve better.

I've begged and begged to see him I'm distraught I just can't cope it's ripped my heart out he's so young to be without me I do everything with him I can't even bring myself to go to my house because my sons belongings are there it's so hard I now have to take him to court but who knows how long this will take? It's such a precious time in my sons life and I'm going to miss it all

Any advice please someone I'm going out my mind thank you

Sorry I don’t have any specific advice other than to suggest you seek legal advice as soon as possible if you haven’t already.

Just wanted to say how sorry I am. His behaviour sound awful and you must be missing your child so much.

Have you sought legal advice?
Are you keeping evidence (copies of emails/texts etc) of him stating he will never let you see your child and of the rude things about your family Etc?

Do you know where you child is?

Are you breastfeeding? Just wondering if it could be considered child endangerment for him to be kept from you. Can you get the police or social services involved?

This sounds awful and he sounds evil. I’m so sorry.

You need a solicitor, asap. You should also call Woman's Aid to see what support they might be able to offer.

Does he have parental responsibility op?

Omg. I'd call the police. That man is evil. The police may be able to bring back your child for you. I'm so sorry.

Thanks for the reply's ladies.

He's rang me several times telling me how I've endangered his son by allowing him around people he hates (my family) and I'm a vile mother how much I've ruined his life etc then he will text saying I'm allowed to see him and get me to call him then start again and say I can't.

I'm literally having a break down my whole life's been turned upside down in a day I'm just so broken.

No I haven't been to woman's aid but it's a good ideal I had to have counselling before and the counsellor asked me if I thought he was possibly being controlling

@SpillingTheTea I have they say it's domestic ☹️

He's unstable. Call social services as you are worried that your child is not safe

Phone them back and tell them he's putting your child in danger. He seems controlling and unpredictable. Don't hesitate just phone them now OP

I'm going to do that thankyou I hope they can help me

You need to apply to court immediately, get an emergency court order for residency and a prohibited steps order to prevent him from removing your child from your care again.

A friend had similar last year and she was granted the order within a week of applying, her ex was served and it had an attachment on it saying he would be arrested if he did not return their baby immediately.

Phone the police. Tell them that your partner is withholding your 4 month old child and that he’s been making threats that he wishes your family was dead. They should act on that basis alone. Who has parental responsibility for the child? Where I live it’s the mother, even if the father is the on the birth certificate. Is that the same in the UK?

Do you know where your partner is living with your baby? Personally I’d turn up outside his door and ring the police if he didn’t allow access, say you’re breastfeeding, say you’re worried for your child’s safety, I’d basically say anything to get them there to get access to your child and

@HigherFurtherFasterBaby how do I go about this? I'm going out of my mind with all of this it just feels so wrong

Please call the police again as other posters have said, do it as soon as possible, ask the police to meet you there

Please call the police again. You need to make it absolutely clear that your baby is 4 MONTHS OLD, that you are his primary carer, say you're breastfeeding, say that you have been threatened and you need a welfare check NOW. Please call Women's Aid and they will help you too. You need an emergency court order, which you can get very quickly with a prohibited steps order and penal notice attached.

I'm so sorry, I've been through this myself but with an older child and the police were sodding useless. I ended up making a formal complaint. You really do need to make it clear that you believe your 16 week old child is in danger. Because he is.

Ring a solicitor straight away and they will explain what you need to go for court.

This is the form you need for a court application :

www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c100-application-under-the-children-act-1989-for-a-child-arrangements-prohibited-steps-specific-issue-section-8-order-or-to-vary-or-discharge

Take it to the nearest court to HIM. The forms are fairly easy to complete and self explanatory. You are making what is known as an "ex-parte" application without the other party being informed, therefore an emergency.

Women's Aid is here :

www.womensaid.org.uk/

If you can't get through leave a message and they will call you back. Make it clear it an emergency sitution with a child you believe is in danger.

Do you know where your baby is? Does this man work?

You can call the court and ask for advice on getting an emergency order. Also try children's legal line. A court will take a very dim view of him not allowing you to see your baby so it is likely he will be sanctioned.

Keep all the messages and email to formally ask to see your baby.

That’s awful.
Is he on the baby’s birth certificate?

Are you scared of him? As PP mentioned ask the police to meet you there once you say you believe your child could be in danger they have to help. I'd be kick that mother fuckers door down. You seem too calm (not in a horrible way) like drained. Find your fire and get your baby back OP today. I'd be onto the police 24/7 x

Jesus christ this is horrible, op you need to call the police, say your 4 month old has been taken and his father is unstable and possibly dangerous. The baby needs to be with you he sounds unhinged. Call them now

You need to make an emergency court application to have your child returned to your care. Go to the court today and someone should help you with the application.

Also contact Women's Aid or your local domestic abuse agency and they will help you through this and future arrangements.

Absoluetly call the Police.

Please just do all of the above - properly report to police, speak to womens refuge/Aid (they have experts in this field and are not just about safe houses), get a solicitor - brief chat on phone regarding submitting emergency court hearing, go to court and get it in - the longer you leave it the harder it will be to unravel, he should not have taken your shared child and should not be with holding a child from the mother of the child. You need to tamp down on the emotion and get working to get your child back

Personally I would also involve social services as he doesn't sound safe to look after the child either

Good Luck

You will get your baby back, just fill in the forms above as directed. My friend did the application on a Thursday, was given an ex parte court date for the Monday and had her child back by Tuesday. A year on, her ex still has harsh restrictions on his access and rightly so.