Forcing sale of former marital home - how?

[CapitalB]

My ex H and I have been separated and obtained the decree nisi. He still occupies the family home. We share the kids 50/50.

I want to sell the house so I can sever the financial ties that bind us. I don’t have enough money to rent and had to move in with my elderly Mum in order to be able to afford to live.

I have always been the higher wage earner and continue to pay the mortgage. He is still studying but has just failed his latest round of exams and now I am looking at potentially waiting another 2 years before he is able to find employment in his field of interest (Covid permitting).

My patience has run thin and this latest set back is now making him dig his heels in, refusing to consider a sale of the FMH. He can rent and will probably get quite a bit of government help through Universal Credit to do so whilst I am unable to rent myself due to me continuing to pay the mortgage on the house. Kids spent their time in equal measures at mine and his.

What can I do to force the sale of the property? I am worried that if I agree to giving him more time then we are looking at selling the only asset we have in an climate of post Covid depression and will potentially lose thousands of pounds on the sale.

Any advice please? Mediation hasn’t worked.
Lawyer is being unhelpful and asks me to give him time and accept the loss. So I have no right to be able to rent on my own? I can’t keep living at my Mother’s house.

I am probably going to have to go through the courts to do this; I am in Scotland & you can force the sale of the house under Scots law. Not sure if's the same in England though.

Lawyer is being unhelpful and asks me to give him time and accept the loss

Time to get another lawyer?

I suggest you pause getting the Absolute until you have the financial order in place

Move back in
Crack in with the divorce and financials and if he won’t come to an agreement get it to court for a final hearing And decision - of course you risk that might not get the outcone you want

Thank you for the input. I really appreciate it.

I think I’ve come to the point where I have been so patient for so long and now he is taking the proverbial biscuit and I feel I have no leverage left.

I don’t earn well but still more than him as he is studying. Does anyone know how a judge would view this situation? Surely I should be able to afford to rent a flat or small house equal to our FMH for our kids given the time they spend with me.

I don’t have that money unless we sell the house.

I’m note sure about moving back in, he has someone that he sees and I’d feel really awkward. 😔

If you are at the Nisi stage you need to sent a formal request to him now asking him not to put in for an absolute until the financials have been sorted out.

You then need to book financial mediation asap and get a draft consent order agreed.

Also as a PP said move back in even if you have to sleep in the living room. Tough if he is seeing someone else. You need to stop being nice.

Make it awkward for him
While you’re playing nicely he has zero incentive to move Or progress forward!
Why would he, when you’re paying for him to have cosy time In YOUR house with his new girlfriend!
Move back in, get your solicitor to issue financial proceedings and get it done

Thank you RedRum (love the name btw 🏇🏻), he was seeing this girl days after we split. I feel I’ve been shafted because I initially tried to do what’s right for our kids as I had full time employment while he had taken on more childcare while he studied. He was always paying lip service how he would graduate and then we sell but now it’s clear that he’s let his studies slide and now failed the exams setting him back a year. This is what’s making me so irate now. I have given and continue to give and he’s now digging his heels. I’m worried that a judge will say I have to continue supporting him as I have for the past years when I’m reality I had to put my own life on hold. I am on my own and not seeing anyone as I want to be there for my kids but I am so tired of getting the crappy end of this bargain while his life has continued unchanged thanks to my kindness (being a mug really).

I know Milly, I don’t know if I could have the guts to move back in. It would confuse my kids..

Why are you paying the mortgage for him to live in the house when you share the children 50/50. If you can afford to pay the mortgage and he can't then if anyone lives in the house until the financials are sorted then it should be you. You may need to find a better solicitor

im in a very similar position, ex hounded me out the family home with his continued bad behaviour in front of our three children. i got a loan and rented while i have tried for a year to get a financial settlement, he continued to be very difficult. my solicitor has told me my only option now is court with all the financial cost that will incur, already 30k in debt as is but need the house sold. it is really tough and has started to effect my mental and physical health. im working 50 plus hours in 4 days when i dont have our kids. i feel for you, good luck, rebild and come out stronger x

Rottie, I have been told that if I don’t keep up the mortgage payments then I will be penalised in court and end up with a negative mark on my credit rating

I feel for you Queen. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to cause a scene for the sake of the children but he is being obstinate and quite brazen knowing he’s got me over a barrel.

You are now separated, so if he can't afford to support himself whilst being a student he will have to get a job.

You really do need to move back in, preferably get him to move out (though obviously he won't want to do this) but if nothing else to force him to progress with the house sale.

It doesn't sound like your solicitor is the type of pitbull you need, so it's probably time to find a new one.

Whoever told you you would be penalised in court for not paying the mortgage is wrong. He needs to pay the mortgage as he is living there and you pay your own rent. You can't pay both. What do you think other people do? All live with their parents with umpteen kids? Have a google and you will soon see you don't have to pay it. If he refuses to pay it then yes it affects both the joint mortgages credit ratings but he will probably just pay it and if he can't then it will need to be sold won't it. Nothings going to happen while you are paying the bills so just email him and say you are renting now and he needs to cover his own housing costs or sell up

As others have said he's not going to do anything whatsoever to move this forward as he is living rent and mortgage free in your house with his other half.

You've put yourself in a bad position by moving out initially. You need to fire your solicitor who has given you ridiculous and appalling advice and get a new one.

I'd just immediately issue financial proceedings here, and yes you should not get decree absolute until financial proceedings are concluded, again a basic thing your solicitor should have made sure of.

Thank you for the latest advice. I didn’t know this. I will look into it. I have broached the subject at dropping the kids off and he said as he’s a student now with no income he will get the house until the kids are 18 and will also get half of my pension and I shouldn’t „force his hand“

I‘m not giving his hand, I am however getting pressure from my mother to move out and I don’t know how to do this with a third of my salary tied up in the mortgage.

My ex said he can’t afford to pay anything and will continue to live in the house as he doesn’t care whether we get a bad credit rating because that would be entirely my fault

My solicitor said to just set a date in writing where he needs to vacate the house. Clearly that would achieve nothing, just a piece of paper I have to pay for which my ex will disregard. He has no solicitor himself. Where do I go from here now??

Forcing, not giving

So when are you moving in and issuing financial proceedings?
Pensions do need to be considered in any settlement but evening before given everything and he will be expected to support himself, even if given soMe temporary assistance to get him earning

And even if he was awarded the equity in the home or allowed to live there he would have to demonstrate that HE can afford to pay the mortgage and bills - and with no income he’s not going g to be able to do so.

Move back into the house throw his stuff out and change the locks lol then let him fight u in court to get bk in not sure if this is legal but something I personally would try lol good luck op

Stop paying the mortgage and make an application for a financial order.

Rent a house you are happy with for an amount you can afford on your salary. Borrow the money for a rental deposit if you need to, you can pay it back when the house is sold (obviously do this before defaulting on any mortgage payments).

The court will then direct you to complete Form E and on this you list all assets, incomes, debts and liabilities. YOu will be much better off listing your rent and debt on this, than not - that will like you dont have them.

Your case is needs based so Court has to try to ensure everyone will have to have their needs met as best they can i.e a suitable home for both of you - not just him!

The court will issue you a date at that stage for your first hearing which the First Directions Appointment will take place. Need your lawyer at this point (get a new one btw).

It makes sense to get your life sorted beforehand as what you dont want is a judge going oh look youre ok at your mums, you have family support and he doesnt it. Its not the case anyway as your mum wants you to leave, so leave.

Make sure you start having the children 50/50 in your new place. Hardball now with this CF

Once all your ducks are in a row its probably worth getting your new lawyer to send a letter informing him that you are no longer in a position to pay the mortgage due to your need to house yourself and pay rent. And suggest that you are amenable to a mortgage holiday while the house is being sold to protect your respective credit ratings if he cannot pay for his own accommodation. Ignore any threats from him, it will all be resolved in due process. He will be expected to get a job and with him failing his exams I doubt his student status will be held in much regard.

So: I have spoken to my ex. He is adamant he won’t move out until his studies are concluded. We’re talking some time in the summer next year.

I have checked all the children’s dates and he has had them 1-2 days more per week than I have due to my work. I have tried to make up with longer block days but have continued to work all throughout lockdown with added work due to colleagues shielding and have obviously had them a little less.

So he says he has them more than me and should be entitled to live in the house until he gets a job and can support himself.

I can’t move back in with the children because I fear he would make up stuff to get me out of the house for good.

Lawyer said I should put a „reasonable date“ in writing but told me that the court would expect me to support m ex until he can support himself as it’s all about the welfare of our kids.

So yes I can apply for an order but a judge would most likely rule in my ex‘s favour. Is this right?

Firstly make sure you have them on more overnight visits. He's a scammer and a chancer anc clearly wants you to support him forever and if you don't start acting decisively with a proper solicitor he will get his way.

He's planning on being a SAHD. With you supporting him even though he was having an affair and is clearly never going to work. So firstly you may need to cut back on your hours let the mortgage slide and go for more time with the children.

He's a total prick and you need to stop being so soft or he will end up with the house, children and you paying. You will be deemed unsuitable because you are not providing somewhere for your children to stay.

It’s possible he’d get more as part of the settlement
But that doesn’t mean he’s get to keep the house or that you’d be expected to pay for him
Seriously you need to move back in and start taking control or you’ll be back here in 2 years saying nothing has progressed
Change your solicitor if needed

Get a new lawyer.