Divorce in the Time of Corona virus.

[Her0utdoors]

No real point to this, and life goes in etc etc, but oh boy, I really didn't need life to get any more complicated right now.
Stbxh's health anxiety is now off the scale and his outbursts have been vicious.
If you need me, I'll be in the broom cupboard screaming into a cushion.
How's everyone else's day going

Whitewriting - that must be very hard. I'm sorry you're having such a shit time.

I've luckily been at work all week (NHS) but have to WFH this coming week & so is ex-DP (thank god we have a spare bedroom).

We're just keeping out of each others way. I'm trying to take it a day at a time - because if I think too far ahead I want to shoot myself.

It sucks, doesn’t it. House been on the market for months and until we sell, have to live under the same roof. The virus makes everything 100 times worse.

I keep telling myself that at least I am well, have a roof over my head and can just about afford to keep it there. But it’s still shit. Means more months of him sponging off me. I had a light at the end of the tunnel but the virus has well and truly extinguished it for the foreseeable.

Virtual hugs all round!

Mine emailed me a few nights ago, saying he was going to get an independent valuer and possibly an estate agent in, to value the house. He lives elsewhere. He said he would ask them to wear gloves and a mask. Told him to not be so ridiculous. We've been split 3.5 years and he's held up the divorce all that time. Now he wants to get the house valued quickly (funny, that) he can fuck off til this is all over and, hopefully for me, house prices have gone down. I'm trying to buy him out but he wants enough money for a 3 bed house for 'a new family'. Doesn't matter to him if he forces me to sell the house. Dick.

Stick to your guns, @Soopermum1! You can refuse access. I certainly would.

I'm frustrated as my ex has been refusing to sell for 6 months. He wants to buy me out & I don't want to be bought out.

He's just stalling & delaying.

Unfortunately we have months ahead of living under the same roof.

If we'd put the place on the market, we would have sold at the peak at a very good price. Now there might not be any equity to fight over. Twat.

Gosh Soopermum1, you sound like you are having a parallel experience to mine. The 'new family' thing is so insulting - as if we should be following their timeline and orders so that they can be happy in their new lives. Like collateral damage. Like fuck is a masked estate agent coming in to value your house. The govt. have actively put the kibosh on house sales anyway. Tell your ex that Bojo says no go!

How's everyone doing? I've now stopped work which is a relief in some respects but a serious worry financially. STBX thinks my predicament is hilarious and is still taking his huge pay packet every month but contributing v little and spending on himself. It's a daily taunt.

It was fine during the week as we don't see much of him - holed up in his room working/ online so i could just enjoy special time with the kids homeschooling, cooking, getting out for a walk etc. It's so peaceful, relaxed and fun when he's not there - even with all life's challenges. But the weekend has been hard work with him very much in our space. He expects to just float in as Disney daddy but he doesn't get that they're not compliant young kids anymore who will do his bidding, so he frequently rubs them up the wrong way, isn't very in sync with them or is just very annoying and they get exasperated with him. He takes it all very personally, gets angry and grumpy and then blames it all on me. Tensions have boiled over and I hate it as the kids are witnessing it. There's no low level he won't sink to get a reaction and he frequently drags up petty stuff from the past. I mostly grey rock and stay out of his way but obviously it's v tricky in lockdown in a small space and occasionally my frustration erupts. I can see how unhelpful this is. I'm dreading the gov saying we can't go out to exercise - it's been the main thing keeping me sane.

I just can't see any end in sight without racking up solicitors bills that I can't afford. The house and pensions will all be worth a lot less and now I'm not sure I'll have mortgage capacity as job situation is dire. I think I'm quite resilient generally but I can't help feeling royally screwed. I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way.... 😔

If the twat had played ball and sold when I wanted to, we would both be living separate lives in new homes and able to deal with COVID 19 without having to live under the same roof. But no, he was such a dick and I was such a pushover...

Same here @Giraffey1 - stuck living with him & no end in sight. I'll have to take him to court in October/November so it's going to continue like this for a while 😒.

I just want to move on with my life. Everything he does annoys me.

Oh no, why do you have to take him to court?

@Giraffey1 - because he's refusing to sell the house (which he has no legal right to do).

So my only option to force the house sale is to take him to court, which is expensive, messy & not good all round.

Oh no, that isn’t good. I was tempted to go that route a while back but stupidly decided to be amicable. Got me nowhere, should’ve been tougher .... hope it goes ok for you eventually.

Filed papers today. And he's an asshole. Threatening to make my life hell. Living in the same house.

Hey @Vickyglitz how did you file whilst living together? I’m stuck living with my stbxh and lawyer says it could be a problem living together
I at least wanted to get the process started
Thanks

@wonderbean why did he say it's a problem? Mine never said it is. Just filed online. My lawyer offered to send a letter so that husband won't harass me while we are under the same roof and also offered non molestation order application if things get really bad.

@Vickyglitz he said it could be a stumbling block and ‘to improve the prospects should live completely separate lives’
At the moment we are stuck together and he had no job so I feel really desperate to move things forward. It’s so hard

You can lead separate lives under the same roof @wonderbean. Unless your grounds for divorce are estrangement. Mine are unreasonable behaviours.

Totally agree @Vickyglitz and we do leave separate lives but I think he felt it would make it an smoother process
Mine too are unreasonable grounds and I really want to get this process started. Hope yours is straightforward. Do you have kids together?

@wonderbean unfortunately , yes. A 22 month old. My husband is petty like you won't believe how. I can't even begin to explain how petty he is because I'm afraid of giving people here a heart attack. You? We have been married 5.5 yrs

@Vickyglitz
Oh gosh do I understand your pain, at the moment mine has been going out 3 times sometimes in a day despite me asking him not to. We have 2 boys aged 5 and 9 and I just can’t see a way of changing this situation. I find myself wondering how I have been with him so long, married nearly 12 but I do know it HAS to get better!

Is anyone there? Currently huddled in shed as it's the only place I can cry in private. am barely clinging on to my sanity some days. I've just emailed my GP to ask if I can get an appointment but feel guilty even asking and I just don't think they can do anything anyway. I don't know but this is just intolerable. No violence but massive upscaling of manipulation, gas lighting and general sense of being vilified. I'm normally a really positive person but I've spent months living like this and the lockdown has just made things 10x worse as I have no space at all. I've broken down twice this week. I see no way out any time soon. I do really get now get why women walk away with so little. They just break you.

Oh bless you. I feel.your pain. I have no answers but hang in there it has to end sometime, everything does. This will all be a distant memory one day. Keep dreaming of the good times. Get help from your gp. Keep talking to friends/family. Run yourself a bath or get out for a walk alone whatever makes you feel happier. Big hugs you will be ok xxx

@Momentumneeded you are not alone! This is temporary and like @Billibob84 said get all the help you need. I’ve found going for a cycle, doing some DIY and zoom chats with friends and family help partly as these are all within my control. Write a wish list of what you are going to do when it’s done
Take care of yourself xxx

@Billibob84 @WonderBean thank you so much for your support when you are both going through this too. It means a lot just to know I'm not alone and that someone else really gets it. I just don't think people have any idea how hideous it is. How do you not both totally lose the plot? I've made an apt to speak to my counsellor on Monday and will hopefully get an apt with the GP too. I've definitely reached a tipping point. @WonderBean I've been taking the 'keep busy' approach too - that, long walks and my lovely kids have been the only saving graces. There are moments of such ugliness though that they are a visceral kick to the stomach and I feel like I'm walking a tightrope and just one of these moments hits me and I'm crying and hopeless (not normally a crier at all so this is not like me). The latest was STBX's reply to most recent solicitor letter - yet more reasons why, after a year he still can't do financial disclosure but this time accompanied by a long list of accusations. I can and will challenge them all but he's pulling all the strings in a game that's impoverishing and vilifying me. He makes me feel like a worthless piece of crap and twists things to such a degree that I start questioning myself.

Anyone know if consent orders are being processed currently? I can't get answer from solicitor and the court website looks like they're still open.