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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Court order through family court

63 replies

atr79gb · 06/01/2020 18:20

Myself and my wife are currently going through a divorce.

We've not been able to come to an agreement over custody of the children and finances so would like to take this straight to the family court. We have already attended a MIAM session.

Does anyone have experience of failing to agree custody/finances and having the court decide a court order? Any idea how long the whole process might take?

OP posts:
Original poster
atr79gb · 17/01/2020 22:26

Thanks @FourDecades - I'll definitely get a financial order as this protects me from any future claims, as you say.

Definitely don't want to be financially linked to someone who refuses to support herself.

OP posts:
Ipdipdogshituratit · 18/01/2020 21:34

I, think really she is in a shit position as her earning potential is really low after being out of the job market for so long. Even if she did get back into full time work soon (which is really hard if you have a gap on your CV) then the childcare costs will be so high that she will be paying out loads for care'.

Utter bollocks. If she earns then up to 85% of her childcare costs will be repaid through Universal Credit.

OP - She should NOT get the lions share of equity. That again is a myth.

Im going through divorce. Ive been out of work for 10 years (due to DD having special needs). Ive ended up with less than 60% of the family assets with lead than 50% of pensions and not enough money to buy a house. I have no mortgage raising capacity and My career is dead (I earned 65k per annum 10 years age). The ex earns six figures and will pay'me' a total of £350pcm in spousal for a grand total of 4 years (when our youngest reaches Secondary school. I have to start from the beginning and will earn £9 per hour on a nightshift job whilst Im retraining for 4 years.

So, all this stuff about how the woman ought to get 70% of all assets and 50/50 pensions because she has had to give up her work due to having young children is utter nonsense.

PS. The ex spent 40k on solicitor and courts and this is the outcome. I don't have enough to live on each month and he has plenty.

Original poster
atr79gb · 18/01/2020 23:11

Thanks @Ipdipdogshituratit.

It's good to get another opinion. I guess I'm trying to strike a balance between what is fair to me and my kids and what is fair to my ex. It may well be that , because of her refusal to work, she ends up significantly worse off.

I have a really flexible working schedule so I can handle childcare within a given day -she wouldn't have to get carers or nannies etc. She would also get a substantial amount in child maintenance as I earn £75K.

The advice I've been given is that spousal maintenance is possible but unlikely based on my salary.

It might be worth rethinking my views on equity share - just trying to come up with something that is fair to everyone.

OP posts:
Cakeandmorecake · 18/01/2020 23:55

OP did you change your role to flexible working to do more childcare when you split up or you did 50/50 before?

I've always worked full time but wondering if you had a job before that meant your ex couldn't work as much and now she resents having to give up her career to facilitate yours when she was looking after the children and now you want something else?

Original poster
atr79gb · 19/01/2020 00:05

One added complication to this is that my wife is putting me under consistent pressure to move out of the family home. I've resisted this so far and am aware of the implications of moving out of the marital home during a divorce. My preference would be to live together until the divorce is finalised.

Basically, there have been emotional abuse issues throughout the relationship and my wife has acted appallingly at times. I'm working with a solicitor who specialises in domestic abuse.

This seems grossly unfair as I pay for everything and she isn't able to pay for the mortgage and the bills without me.

As I'm effectively being forced from my home against my will, am I within my rights to insist that she pays for the mortgage and bills? I certainly don't want to move out and definitely can't afford to pay 2 sets of bills.

I could understand if it was my decision to move out. But essentially she is trying to turf me out against my will and insist I continue to pay for everything.

Obviously she may change her mind once she realises she can't afford to make ends meet.

Any suggestions welcome!

OP posts:
FourDecades · 19/01/2020 05:49

It is your right to stay as much as hers. Do not leave if you can't afford too.

The split with my XH was 49/51%. He earns £50,000 and l earn £13,000 as I'm PT as l have the DC. No spousal maintenance.

FourDecades · 19/01/2020 05:52

When my XH left a friend helped me apply for benefits. She worked for the CAB. She said as my XH was going to continue paying his share as he'd always done until the divorce was finalized, to not rock the boat because if he'd gone to them for advice - they'd have said he's liable for the mortgage as he's on that.... but as he's not living in the property he isn't liable for the rest of the bills

youknowitmakessensedunnit · 19/01/2020 09:27

sounds like you got stitched up like a kipper fourdecades

notapizzaeater · 19/01/2020 09:29

In her world nothings really changed, the bills are still getting paid, you're still there. What has your solicitor advised ?

Original poster
atr79gb · 19/01/2020 09:42

@notapizzaeater - my solicitor advised staying in the house at least until we have a custody agreement in place.

I do now have a custody agreement in place. It's not easy to stay in the house together though. She is extremely controlling and emotionally abusive.

I can't really split the finances whilst we're living together due to her emotional abuse. At least if we lived separately, I would be able to control my own finances.

This would force her to either get a job and support herself or survive on benefits only.

My only concern is that if this would make a mesher order more likely. There is around £200K equity in the property.

OP posts:
FourDecades · 19/01/2020 10:28

@youknowitmakessensedunnit.... as l sit here in my 4 bed detached home that was awarded to me...with a pension share in my favour, plus lifetime child maintenance agreed in a court order for DS1 who is disabled....plus half of all school/activities to be paid on top of that for both DC....

Compared to him being in rented accommodation and only having the remainder of his pension awarded to him....

No... l don't think l was.

The courts also look at finances. So she will have to put down any benefits that she gets.

Once my benefits were added to my work salary, he still earn more but my overall salary was improved

Ss770640 · 20/01/2020 18:44

How long it takes depends on lawyer availability etc plus 3 months for a court date.

If she was a STAHM for 11 years, she will be entitled to a fair reward based on her expected loss of earnings whilst you worked.

Add the marital profits and subtract the marital losses. Divide that value by 2.

Then Work out what she would have earned during those years had she been in work. Divide it by 2 And factor that value into an offer.

That's a fair deal.

For pensions, same again but ratio the pension value by length marriage / length pension.

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