Court order through family court

[atr79gb]

Myself and my wife are currently going through a divorce.

We've not been able to come to an agreement over custody of the children and finances so would like to take this straight to the family court. We have already attended a MIAM session.

Does anyone have experience of failing to agree custody/finances and having the court decide a court order? Any idea how long the whole process might take?

It sounds like she is being quite unreasonable and unrealistic. She will need to go get a job and downsize to a more affordable house. It may mean you give her near enough all the equity (not just say 70%) and have to start again but at least you'd be free to get a mortgage subject to you getting a deposit together. I don't think a court is going to say she keeps a £380-400k house and you're stuck with it. Not for what 13 years?

Whilst court can be expensive, in this situation is sounds like the best option as if you get a sensible judge they'll tell her straight!

I don’t think you’ll ever be able to persuade your ex here in which case the only outcome will be to get in court

Push ahead with that and have a number of offers that you gave agreed which your solicitor agrees are fair.

This will be the only way for her to stop burying her head in the sand

The difficulty that she will have is that even with a decent amount of equity, she isn't in a position to get a mortgage

She needs to sort herself out and take some responsibility. She's know about this for 18 months and has done nothing, she's been offered an amazing amount towards a house and child maintenance and it's still not good enough.
Spoilt princess springs to mind.
I've no experience with a marital split but I'd like to think if everything is as you say it is then a judge would tell her to get a job coz it sounds like she needs a kick up the arse x

My solicitor explained it to me that all finances are split initially 50/50 and then negotiations are made with what you end up with.

Gone are the days where the woman can fleece the man or vice versa.

My XH and l first application for a financial order was denied by the judge as he wanted further evidence on the capital that we would be both receive. It did all go through in the end..... but what I'm trying to explain is that just because you or her want a certain financial split.... the Judge may declare it unfair.

Have you both filled in Financial Form E?

'There is around £210K equity in the house.
House prices in this area start at £225K and around £100K for a shared ownership property. So, there is enough equity for her to be able to afford somewhere with a small mortgage if she were to take the lion's share of the equity.'

Shared ownership tend to have fairly high income demands and running costs (rent plus service charge).

But if you were to give her the entire equity (minus selling fees) it sounds like she could be eligible for a small top-up mortgage with a low paid job and/or child maintenance, or with a chuck of your pension possibly she could buy outright.

How high have you gone to in mediation? What is the range of outcomes your solicitor has advised a court could produce?

OP - it is very commendable that you want to give your XW the lion's share of everything, but don't leave yourself short as you also need to have a stable future.

It's not unreasonable to expect her to now get a job - l feel PT if she is going to be the resident parent - but for you to facilitate her working. For example - pay the childcare fees, ensure you take time off if the DC are ill, cover school holidays

Also, l would not want to be financially linked to someone who isn't independent with their own finances.

My XH was financially irresponsible and my solicitor was very keen to get a Court Order in place so he couldn't come after me in the future for more money

My case took nearly two years back and fore to court.

My house was ordered to be sold and I had two small children similar ages to yours. My case was different from yours as I was working and exh wanted very little contact with the dc.

However a clean break is preferred and a mesher order was not on the table at any stage even though ideally either exh or I would have liked to stay in the house. There was enough equity for us both to move on.

Has she got legal advice?
Again, she needs to get s job.

Your in the same boat as me.

My advice? Weigh up the costs of legal action + sheriff order and decide whether us simply easier to make an offer.

Court action (read legal fees) could easily cost £30k. Plus a sheriff order to pay her £x.

Rule of thumb: only what was earned during marriage is split equally.

You don't state length of marriage and if she was a STAHM. These will alter the payment.

If you contributed more from earnings outside marriage. The ball in is in your court.

Sit her down and explain every contribution before and during marriage.

Decide what was and wasn't earned during marriage.

This will help the lawyers. You might have to sacrifice 25% of non marital earnings but I guarantee you, it will be less than legal fees.

Ps: avoid court at all costs.

Lawyers fees are obscene.

Thanks for the replies.

@Ss770640 - the marriage was for 11 years. My wife has been a STAHM up until now. The situation now is that I work flexibly and fit my work schedule around childcare so we both do school runs, after school activities etc.

The issue I can see is that if this is decided through the family courts, I could spend £30K on legal fees and end up with an equity split in my wife's favour. The equity cut would be heavily eroded by the legal costs. As I mentioned earlier, I actually think an equity split in my wife's favour is fair but I'd rather not go through the family courts.

Unfortunately, my wife's expectations are based on conversations with her friends rather than legal advice. During mediation, the mediator was very firm with her and told her she would be expected to support herself and even encouraged her to find a career. My wife's view is that she will not get a fair outcome from mediation. She believes that if she goes through the family courts, she will be able to force me to stay on the mortgage and for me to pay 50% of the mortgage without her having to go back to work.

My plan is to develop some sensible offers with my solicitor and suggest those to my wife.

Is it likely that her solicitor would give her an indication of what is a realistic expectation from her side?

I'd like to avoid going through the family courts if possible.

You can send her a without prejudice offer via solicitors at any time. It's hard to say what her solicitor will say, in my experience some quite like to suggest unrealistic things to their clients... more conflict and disagreement, more fees for them

Each month it continues you’re spending money and not progressing. Yes court could eat into fees but at least you’d have a resolution otherwise in 2 years from now you’ll be in same position !

Apply for a transfer order. Have the property put into your name. Force the issue as part of divorce.

She clearly wants her cake. If the equity is all yours, offer her 25%. So she can rent.

How is she planning to pay for court if she's planning on keeping the house?
Are there substantial savings too?

Thanks for the replies.

@jay55 - unfortunately we have no real savings, despite having a decent income. During the last few years of the marriage, we were consistently in the red.

Fortunately, I have relatives who I can borrow from to pay for the legal costs, although I don't think my wife is in the same position.

As the only earner, is it likely I would need to cover both sets of legal fees or would she need to represent herself?

As an update on this, we've tentatively agreed on a 50/50 custody split.

I'll speak to my solicitor tomorrow but it sounds like the next step is to apply for a child arrangements order.

Does anyone know how long it might take to get a child arrangements order in place? I've heard it can take up to 6 months to get to a final hearing.

Controversial opinion on Mumsnet who think everyone should have a court order, but if you've agreed on arrangements for your children you don't need a child arrangements order. It's hugely positive if you've been able to agree this between yourselves and much more positive for your children to continue to negotiate on arrangements in future rather than being tied to a prescriptive order, having to have Cafcass involved, spending lots of money etc.

You can still go through court re finances without needing to also have arrangements for the children set out in an order.

You will want to have a court order to cover yourself so that your ex can't suddenly decide she doesn't want 50:50 after all (dont forget shared care will impact financial settlement).

I was under the impression you can get a child arrangement order formalised via a mediator (or presumably solicitor) rather than having to go through the court process if you can agree it. Talk to your solicitor about it.

I believe you can sort out a formal agreement without a court order.

Be aware that friends and family of your STBX may try and convince her that you only want 50/50 to avoid child maintenance. She could be influenced into changing her mind. It might help to spell it out that you expect to be paying significant CM regardless of the 50/50 split.

Thanks for the replies.

@Bubbleguns - I've already discussed making significant child maintenance payments so I can't be accused of proposing 50/50 custody to avoid paying child maintenance.

I earn £75K so child maintenance for 50% custody would be significant.

How would you go about setting up a formal custody order without a court order? Is this something that could be done through my solicitor?

I only have a financial order by the court. Not a child arrangement one.

The financial order should sort out finances i.e house, spousal maintenance, pension.

Child maintenance is not included in the financial order and is dealt separately by either an agreement amongst you both or via CMS

I strongly advise you to get the financial order as this will protect you from any future claims by your XW.

You do not want to be financially linked to her in the future - especially with how her mindset is in regards to being self sufficient