I have been reading all the posts on here and it is comforting to know I'm not alone. On Jan 1 my DH of 8 years has dropped the D bomb on me. And I don't know what to do. We have been together for 16 years and have 10-year-old DD. The pain is immense and i feel physically sick. We have had problems for the past 3 years but I've refused to let go. And I still wouldnt hadn't DH started this. Long story short. He met someone online 3 years ago, then met up with her in real, told me he needed space to clear his head and moved to his mums. While living back at his mum's house, every out of work hour he would spend with me and our DD. Basically playing a family but sleeping elsewhere. With the exception of his trips to meet up with his online lover which i wasn't aware of at the time. He was adamant there is no one else until i found an email which proved otherwise. We talked and talked and he said nothing happened with OW. I was so blinded by love that i accepted his lies. He still kept coming over and we occasionally even had sex. Stupid I know but this was kind of a reassurance for me that he loved me. So in Sept 2018 he moved back in with me and promised me he's back for good. DD was so happy to have her dad back and so was I. Our sex life continued and things looked good until 3 months later he needed to clear his head again and promised it will only be for a couple of weeks. I didnt really have a choice so out he goes again. He returned for christmas 2018 and said never going again. Everything was great and i felt my struggles were over. Then in March 2019 he was planning a guys trip to Amsterdam. I never have problems with boys holidays. Who wants to cheat will cheat regardless of a location and I even arranged his insurance and car parking. He returned and everything was fine. Until i unexpectedly found things on his phone proving the 2 year affair and his trips to see this OW. He said it finished last christmas and the trip in March was just a stupid mistake which involved no sexual activity. Now my head was properly messed up. I didnt ask him to leave because i only had him back not long ago. And love is blind. Our family life continued but i couldnt get over the things i had seen on his phone (not pics) and couldn' t stop talking about them which made him very uncomfortable. So this New Years Day he said he thinks we are too damaged and the only way for us is a divorce. Now im feeling like everything I went through before was for nothing. He claims to love me and wants to be a good dad but go our separate ways. He is saying this chapter must close now. But feels like the book is still open and if we are meant to be together we will find our way back. He says he loves me but i deserve better. I dont know if he is feeling so guilty and doesnt know how to fix it or if someone else is pulling the strings. Our DD is in pieces because she adores him. And I feel like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. I cant stop crying nor hiding it from our DD. She shouldn't see me like that. I don't know how to survive this. On top of everything else I'm worried about our finances. Now writing this and re-reading it feels like I'm a proper mug. My self esteem is in negative figures and i feel I've lost not just my partner but also my best friend. We always just had each other. I was never bothered about making new friends when i moved to this country because i had him. Now i have no one and im failing being a good parent. I feel like i should have kept my mouth shut and not bringing up his affair all the time. I was doing it less and less but the dsmage was done. None of my family and friends know of our struggles and they all like DH. I dont know how to address this issue. I'm so sorry about this dragged out story.