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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Should I sign the post nuptial?

36 replies

OEJ1979 · 22/12/2019 15:56

I’ve looked to see if anyone else is in this position but can seem to find anyone.
My DH of 16 years has asked me to sign a post nuptial agreement.
We’ve been having trouble for over 12 months now. I asked him to leave. He said no but has done nothing to help resolve the issues we have.

He has asked me to sign this document which separates everything we have 50/50 and gives him first refusal to buy me out of the house...it’s his legacy according to this!
Originally asked me to negotiate with him to avoid solicitor fees. I refused and went and saw one to basically find out it is a divorce settlement without getting a divorce and is legally binding.
He is very controlling and manipulative so I’m worried it’s a trap.
He now says we can’t move forward unless I sign and it is to be done urgently.
He is a city worker I gave up work to looks after kids and haven’t worked in 13 years. He wants 50/50 of childcare and said he won’t work if he doesn’t and that way he pays zero maintenance.
I’m following the solicitors advice and not signing.
Do I stick to my guns knowing that’s it if I don’t sign?

OP posts:
eurochick · 22/12/2019 16:01

I've no idea what's in it but it sounds like a trap to me. Get divorced and get a decent financial settlement, after taking proper advice.

pheonixrebirth · 22/12/2019 16:04

DO NOT SIGN!!!!

Redglitter · 22/12/2019 16:05

Under no circumstances sign it

Perid0t · 22/12/2019 16:07

Don’t sign it. Divorce his ass instead.

Original poster
OEJ1979 · 22/12/2019 16:08

@eurochick it is basically like a pre nuptial just done after marriage.
We’ve been married nearly 16 years together 22. He has been very successful so we have a lot of assets which are of course now ‘his’ because things are rapidly going down the pan.
But it is literally agreeing all aspects of a divorce like child arrangements, maintenance, splitting of assets. The works!
But then staying married!!!!

I do have a good lawyer that without even meeting him dislikes him a lot for what he has done.

OP posts:
CatalogueUniverse · 22/12/2019 16:13

That’s a separation agreement. Do not touch it. Get a solicitor.

Redglitter · 22/12/2019 16:15

If your lawyer says dont then dont. Hes in a far better position to advise you than a bunch of folk on here

TrueCrimeFan · 22/12/2019 16:21

You have done the right thing by engaging legal advice. Please do not take advice from anyone except them. Their job is to protect you & they also know the full information

Stressedout10 · 22/12/2019 16:27

Do exactly what your lawyer says and nothing else.
Also if you truly believe that he will stop working to prevent maintenance speak to your lawyer about a lump sum settlement in lue of maintenance payments

missyB1 · 22/12/2019 16:30

It is not a pre nup or a post nup it's a separation agreement probably designed to screw you over! Don't sign anything!

This is a job for a lawyer, let them take care of it.

Didiusfalco · 22/12/2019 16:30

Absolutely not, after 16 years he is a cheeky fucker. Follow the advice of your solicitor. Possibly divorce him anyway for being a total dick.

NoCakeForMe · 22/12/2019 16:32

No!No!No! May I refer you to the case of Hopkins v Hopkins (2015) for some frightening reading?

Original poster
OEJ1979 · 22/12/2019 16:34

@stressedout10 he quit his job 18 months ago as he wanted to spend time travelling the world with me.
Didn’t ask me if I wanted to!
We have 2 kids so I didn’t. It was at that point he turned into a total arse and eventually my rose tinted glasses fell off and I realised he was controlling and manipulative.
But if he buys me out of the house which is in the document he would have to get a job but will refuse if doesn’t get the kids.
A lump some would be better for me. I can then be in control of myself for once!

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 22/12/2019 16:37

A judge will penalise him for quitting his job.
What about pensions.

Perid0t · 22/12/2019 16:38

So you’ll be happy being homeless without your kids? Of course you won’t! Ignore him.

Original poster
OEJ1979 · 22/12/2019 16:41

@NoCakeForMe I’ve just read it.
Not signing a thing!
Especially as there has not been full disclosure. I’m suppose to trust everything he says is accurate!

OP posts:
ohwheniknow · 22/12/2019 16:42

Coercive control is a crime. Has your solicitor been able to advise you on what you do next in light of the domestic abuse you are experiencing?

Do not sign it.

Original poster
OEJ1979 · 22/12/2019 16:43

@mummmy2017 they were listed. Undervalued I’m sure. 50/50 split.
Child maintenance was zero
Spousal maintenance would not cover the bills.

OP posts:
Original poster
OEJ1979 · 22/12/2019 16:45

@ohwheniknow she has gone through it with me. And yes I now accept this is what he has been doing to me. When I asked him to leave because he had not been physical I couldn’t get an occupational order. We’ve now been the house for two months. Not happily but surviving!
It’s my word against his....

OP posts:
ohwheniknow · 22/12/2019 16:46

Women's Aid: 0808 2000 247 (yes it is bad enough for you to ask for their help/advice)

Freedom Programme: www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Rights of Women may also be worth a call.

ohwheniknow · 22/12/2019 16:46

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Raphael34 · 22/12/2019 16:51

Of course you shouldn’t sign it. The reason he wants you to do it urgently is so that you do it before you realise you shouldn’t!

eurochick · 22/12/2019 16:54

I'm a lawyer - I know what a post nup is. I said I have no idea what is in it, i.e. what terms he is proposing.

Anyway, I think I you've got the gist. This is a bad idea.

redastherose · 22/12/2019 17:03

Definitely don't sign. You are heading there anyway so get divorced properly and deal with the finances with full disclosure. Sod whether he is working right now, you may well get much more than 50% of the assets to compensate for the fact that you won't have the same earning potential going forward.

Boxerbinky · 22/12/2019 17:03

Listen to your solicitor definitely DON'T SIGN it!

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