Should I sign the post nuptial?

[OEJ1979]

I’ve looked to see if anyone else is in this position but can seem to find anyone.
My DH of 16 years has asked me to sign a post nuptial agreement.
We’ve been having trouble for over 12 months now. I asked him to leave. He said no but has done nothing to help resolve the issues we have.

He has asked me to sign this document which separates everything we have 50/50 and gives him first refusal to buy me out of the house...it’s his legacy according to this!
Originally asked me to negotiate with him to avoid solicitor fees. I refused and went and saw one to basically find out it is a divorce settlement without getting a divorce and is legally binding.
He is very controlling and manipulative so I’m worried it’s a trap.
He now says we can’t move forward unless I sign and it is to be done urgently.
He is a city worker I gave up work to looks after kids and haven’t worked in 13 years. He wants 50/50 of childcare and said he won’t work if he doesn’t and that way he pays zero maintenance.
I’m following the solicitors advice and not signing.
Do I stick to my guns knowing that’s it if I don’t sign?

Sorry @eurochick misread your reply!
Basics house 50/50
Pensions 50/50. Not proved amounts just stated.
Rest of money slightly more to me
Assets he values some of mine items with limited resale against his with growth potential.
Kids 50/50...so no child maintenance

He’s never cooked in 22 years and not even washed a sock in his life so very concerned as to how he will look after them himself.
Has openly said he would get his mum (78yrs) or an au pair to help.

I would hope I can say no to that as I could only work part time while kids are at school

He now says we can’t move forward unless I sign and it is to be done urgent

He's manipulating you, and I doubt this "post-nup" will benefit you in any way. I'm glad you've taken your solicitor's advice and not signed it. Make sure you don't sign anything at all, ever, without consulting with your solicitor.

Does he honestly think you are going to sign this, I’m actually sitting laughing, not at you I hasten to add! Call his bluff once it’s in front of a judge re childcare and then we’ll see how quickly he’ll want to give up his well paid job!

Yes @millymoo1202 he really does.
I am to Let him know areas that I think need to be changed so he can make amendments before sending to his solicitor to be written in the correct format!
There are some parts I don’t even mention as I don’t want him to know my thoughts. Like the childcare!
It’s taken 12 months of counselling and a good friends for me to have the confidence to start saying no to him. Last part is the courage to Serve papers and finally say no more.

Just tell him you feel it is better to go to a judge and court as you want it all legally sorted.

How are things now? Hope you had a nice Christmas

Please don't sign and ignore the 50/50. I'm told by solicitors it isn't that straight forward.
If for example you did agree 50/50 childcare (never in a million years) it doesn't mean 50/50 financially anyway.
They look at his and her age, future earning ability, suspension of a spouses career to follow DH, ability to get a mortgage in future etc. , when looking at a split. Your current standard of living too
I'm going to be heading down that route after the new year and this is what I've been told 50/50 financially is the starting point then the above and more taken into consideration.

@TrueCrimeFan
Christmas was ok. Thanks for asking. I felt very lonely. The whole day was doing as he wanted. Games ect. I stood alone cooking in the kitchen. DD did come in for a bit. By the evening I sat down and before I knew it had 2 kids sat with me watching a movie fed up of doing as they were told.
Nye he decided he couldn’t bare to be at home so went out. Told me the morning before by text. Kids and I went bowling and to the movies and we have never laughed so much. Says a lot.

I keep wondering whether we can resolve this but when I’m told I’ve got to cut back on my spending (I buy zero for myself) and he has gone and spent nearly £2k on a load of rubbish the week after Xmas I’m lost.

One rule for him and one for me.

I will tell him I’m not signing anything. If that means we are done then he can start sorting himself.
He will never change. I know that.

I’m just so scared to say I’m done.

Hope you had a good xmas too

@PressToChange. Thanks for your post. My solicitor says the same. Everything starts at 50/50 and then moves accordingly.
My big concern is that he doesn’t work. Income is from a business we invested in. But he has the ability to go back to work in a well paid job which I don’t.

I can’t see how he wouldn’t get 50/50 with kids. But I will argue it on the basis he can’t care for himself.

Financially I’m lucky and know I will be ok. I just have to find courage now.
But I know I will not sign or even verbally agree to any settlement.

Thanks for help

If you think it's unfair. Talk to a lawyer. Simple

Nope! take it to a solicitor. Signing it means he will be able to undermine your rights.