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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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If I abandon mediation will it go against me in divorce?

11 replies

ChernobylFallout · 07/11/2019 10:05

Stbxh is driving me insane with his dishonesty and lack of engagement with mediation. The plan was to mediate to get our joint finances sorted out and come to an agreement for a financial consent order. Separated January 2017. Waited two years then submitted divorce paperwork on grounds of two year separation. He said he'd signed and returned the forms; I heard nothing and chased it up; court said he hadn't returned it. He said the forms must have been lost in the post, and that he'd request another copy; then said forms arrived and he'd returned them. Still nothing. I contacted the court who said he'd never been in touch and hadn't returned forms. Now swears he's returned them this time 🙄 But that's ten months of waiting for him to get his arse in gear - if he really has returned them.

Fourth mediation session yesterday; he's made no effort to prepare, has nothing to suggest, and whole session spent trying to get him to contribute anything other than criticising my suggestions. Mediator spent three months trying to arrange first meeting with him; he's so apathetic and avoids engaging with anything he doesn't want to do, rather than just saying he doesn't want to do it.

If I say no to more sessions when it doesn't seem to be progressing and it seems that I can't trust anything he says, will that look bad for me when it goes to the court? Feeling so resentful; I've wasted so much time and energy on trying to keep things amicable, and I'm just met with apathy and lies Sad

OP posts:
HeyNotInMyName · 07/11/2019 10:07

Cant really advice on that one but you might to ask MN to move your post to a more suiutable subject. Im pretty sure you didnt want to post that in 'Exercise' :)

BIWI · 07/11/2019 10:09

Hmm, @HeyNotInMyName, the OP is probably pretty exercised about her situation though!

Agree @ChernobylFallout - you'll get a better response if you post this in relationships, or in legal matters.

Not been in your situation so I can't advise, but hope you resolve things. He sounds like someone you're well rid of!

Butternutsqoosh · 07/11/2019 10:15

My ex cancelled first attempt at mediation, finally got another session booked and was so convinced he'd cancel again that I cancelled it but the solicitor ticked the box to say it had been attempted and failed HTH Smile

ChernobylFallout · 07/11/2019 10:22

Oh arse - how did I manage to post this in Exercise?! 😂 Thanks for flagging; I'll ask MNHQ to move it.

OP posts:
LilyMumsnet · 07/11/2019 10:24

We're just moving this thread over to divorce and separation for the OP. Flowers

IsItBetter · 07/11/2019 10:34

no it wont look bad in court.

RandomMess · 07/11/2019 10:56

Perhaps the mediator can sign it off that he wasn't engaging in the process?

Tiddleypops · 07/11/2019 11:02

If the mediator then has to sign off with a breakdown of discussions because of his lack of engagement, it looks bad on him, not you.
Good luck op.

ChernobylFallout · 07/11/2019 15:42

Thanks for replies. I don't really know how it has to be worded - would the mediator have to say why mediation didn't work? Or just say it was attempted and didn't work?

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MrsBertBibby · 07/11/2019 23:04

The reasons why mediation failed are privileged, ie the Court is not entitled to hear anything about it.

So, no. It will not go against you.

ChernobylFallout · 08/11/2019 09:24

Really? Oh god, that's brilliant. The thought of having to sit through more sessions which feel like a monumental waste of time makes my heart sink. Going to get in touch with a solicitor and say bollocks to mediation Grin

OP posts:
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