Happy after-divorce stories!

[Sesicilana]

I think s lot of us needs some happy ending stories after divorce/separation. I decided few days ago I’m going ahead divorcing my husband. I’m so numb and can’t even see the light at the end of the tunnel. Can some of you share some happy ending stories?

I found that naming 'daily wins' helped me through the first few weeks - for instance...

Day 1 I got a new duvet and bedding which I loved but he'd have hated
Day 2 I filled the TV planner with stuff I wanted to watch
Day 3 I ate what and when I wanted rather than having to eat what he wanted

You get the idea... find a positive every day and you'll eventually wonder how you ever lived with him!

Oh and happy ending wise - I honestly couldn't be happier! I have a wonderful relationship with DD (she lives with me) and a lovely DP (who doesn't) and love my freedom!

Love both answers!! :)

I am about a year into formal separation after my husband did some terrible things a few years before that we couldn't recover from despite trying our best. Sadly can't switch my feelings off but it has gradually been getting better. And I am now dating a lovely man who has been getting his shit together himself so I'm hopeful history wont repeat and am beginning to feel happy again!

Positive stories really help me to keep going!

I know dozens of divorced friends.without exception although it can take 5 years they are all doing better than when married to ex. Not one of them would change it.they all have great relationship with their children. You will be the same. Take great care of yourself x

I divorced 25 years ago and at the time it was tough as I was a single Mum. Two years after my divorce, I met a lovely man
and we've been together ever since. He was a single Dad so it took us a while to bite the bullet and get married but it was the best thing we ever did. When I was going through my divorce, I kept a list of all the reasons why I was doing it so that in the tough days, I could see how much better life was without my ex. Divorce isn't easy but happiness afterwards is very achievable. Good luck!

My ex and I separated two and a half years ago and divorced just over a year ago.... I would t have described myself as unhappy had anybody asked prior to separation, but I am so much happier now that I clearly wasn't. Despite his affair, the real reason for splitting was us growing apart and there were resentments on both sides.

Anyway, right now I wouldn't change a thing.... kids and I live together, split is as amicable as possible, financially ex is being entirely reasonable, I get more time to myself now than before which is important to me, and whilst I sometimes wish he spent more time with the kids for their sake I enjoy the weekends with them at home every bit as much as my weekends off....

Life is pretty good right now.

I like the idea of making a lists why I want to divorce - I still officially didn’t tell because I’m worried he will say all the right things and I will be unhappy with him forever because he doesn’t keep his promises. I have a memory of my mum and dad splitting up. It was very tragic at first but we were all so much happier afterwards. I always say my parents divorcing (I was 6years old) was the best thing that happened to me - I think I saw my mum truly happy for the first time. She did learn to put herself first(amazing to see for a young girl). My dad had his freedom to fulfil his hobbies and found a woman who he is still with now- 15years and he is crazy about her.

Just read this thread I am at the point of separation and I feel numb empty and scared but I feel I deserve to be happy and my 2 teenage kids deserve to live in a home without constant fights.

I keep imaging having my own home and being able to do what I want when I want without walking on eggshells all the time. The thought of freedom if you like is keeping me focused. Its going to be a very long hard process but I know I cant live like this much more and neither can my kids. Surely 2 happy homes is better than one miserable one. I really want to do this and hope I find the strength from somewhere

My divorce was finalised a couple of weeks ago. I left him because I was deeply unhappy and clinically depressed.

It's only now, a year after leaving him, that I realise how unhappy I was, and how free and at peace we can learn to feel on our own, even though it's a hard journey to get there.

It was worth all of the pain and suffering to live this life now. Well done for making such a brave choice.

I think our need for relationships and our fear of change is so powerful that the desire to leave has to be so strong and so deep within us to even begin to notice it. If you're noticing it, that desire has to be listened to

All the best OP. You'll get there.

Fear of change is a big deal for me. At 58 and married 30 years it is very scary to think that I will be financially in shit and unable to afford to live a decent life.
But love hearing your positive stories.

Stillfunny sorry re your financial situation - I am 54 and married 22 years but its just a bad habit now - have been emotionally abused for years but we deserve to be happy - I don't care if I never see another man again I just want my own space. I love my house but its not a home and I need to build a home for me and my kids. Good luck to you

Reading all your stories and I know I am doing the right thing. I’ve been married 20 years next month , together 10 years before that. We have split up twice in the past, I let him back twice as we get on much better when we are not living together but it just doesn’t work , we’ve been going round in circles for years.He ignores me most of the time, sits upstairs and watches tv, when he does talk it’s usually a yes or no answer or sounds like he’s talking to someone who has offended him in some way. We don’t argue as it is so difficult to communicate with him, I have to do all the work. This morning I said “we can’t go on like this can we?” He didn’t answer, I asked if he had heard me, he said “yes”, so I asked again what he thought, he replied “no”. I know I have to make the decision as I have before, he is such a coward. I’m not sure why I’ve been clinging on for so long, I’m sure we will both be happier apart even though he’s begged to come back when he’s left before. We just have to make new lives as this one is not happy and is ridiculous. We have 3 daughters and I don’t want them to see our relationship as any way normal, with no love or any affection ever. We probably put on a good show when people are around but still no affection but we probably seem like we like each other at least. I’m waffling , but it’s good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel .

Suzzy that sounds exactly like my OH. I like to try and talk and make the peace but I have now given up due to one word answers or no reply at all. He is used to me trying to smooth things over but I have totally had enough now and just want to move on with my life - we deserve better.

Yes, I get the no conversation too.But he had plenty to say to his online EA OW.! Bastard

My MH has improved. I'm much happier, calmer and the atmosphere in the house has improved immensely without his mood swings. I don't have to hear him arguing with an 8 year old child rather than parenting. DCs seem a lot more chilled although they say they can't tell the difference at home (there is a huge difference in atmosphere now). I'm dating and DP is so much better suited to me than ex and I feel alive in my new relationship.

I'm off on a date in an hour ... new bed is ordered. I'm only 9 months in but so far it's ok. You have ups and downs, but we are getting on well which helps

@Stillfunny

That's my biggest fear. We had no money issues but he earned 4/5 of the money so I'm at his mercy. Thankfully he's agreed spousal maintenance voluntarily, and nearly twice the level the web calculator suggested, he's also given me the house which I can downsize at some point.

Both XDH and I are now happily remarried and in much healthier relationships and the kids understand what a good relationship looks like. Yes it would have been better if we’d got it right first time round but moving on was much healthier than staying in a destructive marriage.

I split from exh in Feb. My win is definitely occasions such as birthdays, Easter, day trips/holidays. I genuinely enjoy them now. With him there would be a multitude of arguments and squabbling over various things. We went to Wales for a week in the hols it rained all week and we had the best times and spent the week happy and laughing, had exh had been there I'd of spent the whole week trying to apease him because if the poor weather and he would have spent the whole times being moody due to the rain and saying we might as well be at home!
Xmas this year I will enjoy with the people I love and care about no nasty unfairness from ex mil that has ruined every Christmas for the last 10 years. I truly am happy now and sadly can't remember the last time I was during my marriage.
It's so easy just pleasing myself and making sure my children are OK it's so so simple no fussing no blame because u worked late or being called a useless mum because u work full time, I'm litrally living life and don't intend to invite another person into my bubble anytime soon.

Being able to buy things for the house that I would never have been allowed to.
Buying some alcohol and it is still there when I want some.
No debts.
Happy children who can walk across the room without being told to shh.
Driving anywhere I want.

No matter what he still throws at me, I am truly happy I left and have NEVER regretted it.

My happy ending is:

No more negative feelings of resentment and anger at his behaviours and my powerlessness to change it - passive-aggression, lying, selfishness, boring expensive hobbies, lack of consideration or support. He's someone else's problem now!
Fabulous new partner who is none of the above. Took me a while to find him as my standards are very high and my tolerance low but worth it.
I own my own house and have decorated/renovated it to my taste and standards. It's tidy and welcoming and wanker free.
Positive relationship with daughter that he tried to sabotage with his 'woe is me' stories after I got the courage up to leave. She now sees through him and has dealt with him accordingly.
Courage to deal with my dysfunctional family who were a constant source of unhappiness and backed him up over me. Also dysfunctional friendships. You may be amazed at discovering who your real friends are.
New hobbies - creative writing, yoga

I can honestly say it was the best thing I ever did and the future looks exciting and bright. When I was with him it was a never-ending railway of him, him, him.

Good luck op. It will work out. Promise.

Hi, I just read your post. Fairly new to Mumsnet. Your story sounds so similar to where I am now. I hope it worked out for you.

I dread telling the kids, and I hope it works out in the way you have suggested. I think I've been deluding myself that it's better to stay for years. Bloody scary prospect though. And very sad after almost 20 years of marriage.

@Relocationrelocationetc I left my husband last year after being together for 20 years. We were lucky because it was all very amicable (with ups & downs obviously) After being miserable for a loooong time, I am honestly the happiest I've ever been! It was hard and our DS struggled to get his head round it at first, but it's definitely the best decision I've ever made! Staying together 'for the kids' didn't work for us and made all 3 of us unhappy. It's scary & eye opening but I feel like I'm in a new chapter of my life that I never thought I would allow myself to have! So if you feel it's right - go for it! Good luck!

Thank you. It's very encouraging to hear a success story (odd phrase to use in the circumstances, I know). Also been married almost 20 years, and it is all very sad.

Kids took it better than I thought they would, although it's early days and DS (16) is a bit withdrawn and angry.

Bizarrely, we are getting on better now than before. And then the doubts creep in.... Been down this route too many times though, and I am definitely not happy. Only doubt really is whether I can grit my teeth till youngest leaves home. Probably not best for them really and have to bite this bullet.

Planning for him to buy a house very nearby, to make it easier for the kids (I also have a DD age 12). It may not be entirely amicable when we get to the nitty gritty of it, but I hope we can work it out so it isn't too disruptive for them.

None of this helped by moving counties just over a year ago. I will need to make an effort to meet people so I'm not too lonely, especially when the kids aren't with me. Difficult with v busy job and part of me can't be bothered !

Thanks for making contact though - it does help to hear from others who have gone through it.