How do I stop myself going back.

[Flamingo89]

I’m 30 and I just got dumped by my narcissistic ex. It was a long time coming and I had broken up with him several times previously but always gone back. He was highly toxic, he cheated and lied, he was always complaining and negative about everyone around him and he often made me feel like I wasn’t enough. I know the relationship was bad for me but we shared a house and I’m paying off a large amount of debt so I’ve had to move back in with my parents for a while and I feel like a huge failure. I have gone no contact straight away as I know he will be back around soon but I keep having moments of weakness where I want to unblock him and talk to him, to tell him how much he’s hurt me. Has anyone ever dated and broken up with a narcissist who can shes some light on how they got over the obsession? It feels like a very long dark tunnel :(

Keep the ex blocked. Even if you type the message and it doesn't send because you have them blocked. Do not unblock - it only strings it out. I hope you find peace within yourself and for goodness sake please use your family around you for strength. You've done the right thing

I am going through this at the moment!

I'm
Really struggling!

He's says all the right things when trying to get me back and it is soooo hard to stop wanting that!

I just can't wait to not want attention from him anymore!

I am a week in now... it’s getting easier because he’s left me alone. I’m not sure he will forever... he hasn’t when this has happened before but I’m enjoying the silence for now.

Stay away! Honestly it doesn’t get any better :(

Yea it's not getting easier for me but it has only been 2 days! And he's not left me alone yet!

I have stopped looking at all his social media now as that was driving me mad! And that has helped!

The worst thing is he has actually convinced me that he's changed and won't do it again and that he would be the best boyfriend ever.
But I can't get over all the lies and cheating that he's already done!

Am I naive to think that he actually means what he says?

I have been like that for 3 years until he cheated on me in May and I’ve been mentally detaching since. I’ve had to move back home with my parents for a while and they’re really helping me. You need to block him, you will 100% go back if you keep talking to him. If he’s anything like my ex he’s a manipulative little weasel that will get under your skin and drag you back in. Do it for yourself.... give yourself a better future

Yea I deffo don't feel the same towards him since I found out about all the lies and cheating....didn't stop me going back time and time again tho!

I know I need to block him....but I can't! He goes crazy when I block him, turns up, leaves me loads of voicemails, writes me letters, sends me emails, turns up at the gym etc and I don't have the heart to involve the police.
So I'm hoping just not replying to him he will get bored and I will be strong enough to keep ignoring his messages!

You’ve got this! Mine thinks he’s punishing me at the minute by ignoring me... he’s doing me the biggest favour he’s ever done me. They are easy to believe, you will do this for the rest of your life though. You’re worth more!

Keep reading that last post back to yourself, OP.
It's very powerful.

Im trying, getting stronger by the day :)

Yes OP you deffo have got this and I deffo agree....if I don't hear from him in the day I'm so much stronger and happier and content!

I hope your ex doesn't make an appearance and u really are rid of him 🤞🏼

Please google grey rock! Narcissists are nasty pieces of work and you need to understand their behaviour and how they suck you in to be able to understand how to disentangle yourselves. The internet is a haven of resources for you, google google and google more. Psychology Today is a good place to look too, there are some good articles there. Good luck and stay resolute.

Sally and Flamingo, the best image I can give you is to imagine they are fleas or headlice feeding on you to survive. That's what they need - an emotional supply to feed their egos. Don't give it to them. It's not love, they just need to feed off you.

I can totally empathise with this. I’m going through the same thing and he’s leaving me alone thank goodness and I can try and heal myself. He is blocked on everything. Feel less alone when I come on here x

Ahh, there are so many lovely people in the world I don’t know how I got shacked up with such an ass. I have never googled as much in my life and I’m faking it ‘til I make it. I really feel like I’ve got it this time... 5th time lucky!

Keep blocking him! Don’t weaken.
Don’t think of this as a failure. Think of it as a new beginning - away from horrible men who don’t deserve someone like you. This is your time. You’ve put up with so much crap in the past. It’s time to let go, get your strength and confidence back with family and then start the rest of your life free from the shackles of a shit relationship. Now you see it for what it was you will be able to help others in the future. So it wasn’t a waste, it was a learning curve. We work together to make our lives better.

How the hell do you get them to leave you alone!?

I have never Google'd about something so much in my life. I'm going to be an expert.

I'm deffo doing gray rock at the moment....but god isn't it hard not to scream and shout!

I've been having nightmares all week and then last night dreamt about him and the other girl. So when he messages me saying hope you slept ok....took all my might not to shout back and say no I didn't Cos all I dreamt about was u and that bitch!! But instead I was good and ignored it!

Anyone else find the weekends harder? Just need to get this weekend out the way and I feel I'll be stronger

Mines only Leaving me alone because I’ve been ‘discarded’. I really feel for you because I understand what it’s like to try and take your life back whilst they’re waving themselves in your face. If there’s nothing important for you to discuss ie kids/finances you really are torturing yourself by not blocking him altogether. The first few days are agonising, all you think about is the unblock button, but after a few days it’s liberating and you feel stronger. If he really is a narcissist they are master manipulators and know every trick in the book to get you, and if it doesn’t work they know every trick in the book to hurt you. Leaving me alone is just one of my exes tricks. He thinks I’ll be wallowing in self-pity and not able to survive without him. I aim to be strong so that when he realises I really am moving on and tries to come back again he can’t hurt me anymore. If you want out, and really want out you have to cut all contact. I worry that you’re just trying to show him what he’s missing or prove to him what he’s lost in the hope he will become a better person because I’ve tried that too many times.

Sorry I feel I have kind of hijacked your post!

No I deffo know that nothing is going to change. I have spent all year trying to get him too and as soon as I take him back all the promises disappear and we're back to being miserable.

I have this problem where I need to be everyone's friend! I did it with my ex husband too! But he wasn't a narcissist he just didn't want to be my friend as I broke his heart!

But in all honesty I'm scared to block my narcissist ex as I can't be bothered with what it causes! This way it's less drama, he doesn't turn up or anything. A few messages I can deal with! I couldn't ever deal with the guilt of calling the police of him so that's not an option so that's why I haven't blocked him.

Please don’t be sorry, it’s very hard to find people that understand what I’m going through and it’s actually made me feel less lonely!

I’m a fixer... I saw the red flags from the beginning and instead of running a million miles in the opposite direction I stayed to try and help him get better. I wanted him to be a better person, he had no intentions of ever changing, he was just leeching off my good nature.

Honestly.. you have to... there really is no other way, you can handle the messages for now but you’re not getting any closer to your freedom because the second you hear from him it takes you back to the beginning. I cannot believe how far I’ve come in one week of not speaking to him. I feel like a different person already.

I know it's the same here....my friends just don't understand what I'm going threw! They no he's no good for me but they don't understand the extent of the damage he has caused!

God yea I ignored all the red flags too! But tbh I didn't even no about red flags until a couple of weeks ago when I discovered he's a narcissist.

Your so right....I'm fine and think right I can do this and then I get a text from him and it sets me back!
I just I'm scared of what happens when I block him and feel bad for abandoning him (his words not mine)
How could I do this to him if I loved him and then I feel bad as he seems so distraught.
I'm just still gutted aswel that all I imagined our life to be is over and I don't want him to find anyone else....I want him to suffer like I am

So I did it I blocked him!

One of my friends seen him on tinder....while trying to get me back!
What a dick!
He is truly unbelievable....so that's it now! He's blocked!
Just hope he doesn't turn up at my house now as I have already had a voicemail 🤦🏻‍♀️

You’ve done the hardest bit! I don’t even know you and I’m proud of you :) just stick to it!! He’s an arse and he doesn’t deserve you!

Thankyou!

I don't feel better just yet!
I feel sick that he's already trying to meet someone else! Like I ment nothing to him!

I just wish this sick jealous feeling would go away really quick!

I’m having a bad day... I really want to speak to him today and I’m quite down. I need to stay strong though :(

All comes in waves!

Write down all the bad stuff he did. Keep adding to the list as you remember. Then read it when you’re feeling weak.
Memories tend to be rose-tinted rather than reflect reality.