Husband thinks relationships supposed to be easy

[Melanie1811]

We are about to divorce. I love him, but his main argument is that marriage should flow and be easy . How to explain that is bull? I’m putting in the work and he doesn’t . I’m not sure if he really thinks that or just want to get out ?! Thoughts?

Why are you taking it? This is hurtful and will ruin your self esteem. You deserve better.

That's a horrible thing for you to hear but the thing is that preferring to spend time with your colleagues than your wife is quite a good reason to think the relationship is over. The important thing for you to remember is that that doesn't mean you are boring, or whatever else he's made you feel. Him feeling like that doesn't mean anything about you, but it does tell you a lot about your relationship. Fundamentally not enjoying your partner's company is not an easy thing to come back from.

He doesn't pull his weight. What he means by 'relationships are supposed to be easy' is that someone else does all the lifework and he cruises along. Get a divorce.

It probably does depend why he doesn't want to join in. Stbxh would get stroppy about me not doing stuff with the family but pretty consistently this was a plan made when he already knew I was scheduled to work. Never seemed to get that my rota wasn't something I selected...Do you ask him what he wants to or can do first?

He sees women as "less than". This is why he can relate only to the men at work.

Bluntly, he wants you to cook, clean, breed and fuck. You have no intellectual or human value to him ... purely because you are female.

Is this the life you want for yourself? Is this how highly you value your worth?

We all have stumbling blocks from time to time but tbh on a day to day basis, if it’s a good one it should be easy. If it isn’t, it’s clearly not working. Permanent angst isn’t normal.
Can only speak from personal experience, obviously.

It should be easy unless outside factors like relatives passing, accidents, work issues etc put a strain on things.

Over all, the actual marriage should be easy, you should get along and not feel like you need to work hard to keep it going