Husband of 6 weeks left totally lost

[Fth180519]

Hi,

New to net mums and posting so please be gentle!

My husband of 6 weeks (partner of 6 years) and father of our toddler left on Monday night with the words "I'm done" he left that night, went to his mums and came the next day while I wasn't in the house and removed ALL of his sole posessions.

We have since spoken and he has said he has been unhappy for years, felt forced into getting engaged, (4 years ago) having our son and sick of the arguing. I have struggled the last few years with my mental health, starting with anxiety and very recently being diagnosed with depression, which I feel has been the main contributor to our relationship being difficult. He hadn't once told me these feelings to allow me to work on my relationship with him/to get any help with my depression (as I thought I was managing) before just deciding to end it and I'm so hurt. I feel he's made a rash decision and is plucking reasons out of obscurity - maybe to hurt me to make it easier.

I have made steps to getting help being described antidepressants and awaiting counselling. I'm also trying to minimise contact - other than about our son - and pushing myself to do things out of my comfort zone.

I guess I just need some comfort, to know that it gets better and I can be strong for my son. I'm still hopeful that he may want a reconciliation once he's had space and time. Appreciate any comments guys

[Xenia]

I raised the annulment issue above because if the husband who earns more cottons on to that then the wife will be a worse position. If it were a full divorce (once the 12 month period is up) then the living together time before counts too and it may not even fall under the short marriage rules so could be a reasonable spousal maintenance award (but would be zero for that if it were annulled instead I believe so perhaps delete the post above saying the marriage has not been consummated as that could be used by the husband to ensure he annulled it and did not divorce). It sounds like there is not much capital to divide and you might be better staying in the house whilst he pays support to enable you to pay the mortgage to house you and the child.

I would pay a solicitor for one hour's advice having brought along all relevant information such as copies of husband's P60s and tax returns if any, pension details and that kind of thing.

[BastilleKillers15]

@Fth180519 haha thanks 😊, for what it's worth, it hadn't been working out for a long time, think I was just too scared to end it and be alone, well it works out for the time being as we just don't talk to each other and stay out of each other's way! Exactly, we can do this! Have you got anyone that can look after your son whilst you have some time to work on yourself, have a break for yourself? Hope you are feeling better today!

[Fth180519]

@BastilleKillers15 it's hard as things were bad more than they were great but I think we could have worked on our issues it hurts he's so unwilling too. Yesterday was a better day for me. Sick of in-laws however who keep posting about their wedding song (I've never known them do this) and family - which is including my husband who is living there. Of course that's all I want to see. I hate how insensitive they are.

I hope you're doing OK.

@Lostalot - comforting to know it will get better. I have no desire to be with anyone else and I'm going to get the help I need to regain my confidence/help me cope with depression.

@Xenia - I think an annulment would be hard to prove. No one can prove who this is posting and he won't have the money to take me to court for a long time so I think I'll be OK. Anyway if the tip went in, it counts right?

[Xenia]

Yes, sexd (in law) is penetration (in the vainga only) but does not require ejactulation - this is the test for adultery anyway so presumably the same for whether a marriage is consummated.

[PicsInRed]

The case law seems to indicate that an attempt at consumation which failed DOES count as consumation for this purpose. Only refusal/active avoidance would let him off the hook. So to speak...

[BastilleKillers15]

@Fth180519 that's a real shame if he isn't willing to help work through any issues you guys might have, but it's his loss if he misses out on having you in his life, you deserve someone better , but at least you can focus on yourself, and do what you want without having to get permission from anyone! Oh no 😔, do you not get to speak to your family much?

I am ok thanks, I just look forward to when the ex goes to work because there's no tension there! And we can do what we want

[Xenia]

Yes pics, that's correct as long as he gets in to some extent. However she has said he did not - no sex since they married, so therefore he can annul the marriage presumably.

[Fth180519]

We did attempt consummation, just didn't do the act so then I think annulment wouldn't apply given what's been discussed

[LyraBelacquaSilvertongue]

Hi OP

I think we both posted on the support group thread. Just wanted to say I am going through similar (except luckily no children) and sending you lots and lots of hope (I am trying to find it for myself). My financial situation is similar and it is feeling totally overwhelming. I downloaded a free separation agreement from the internet which has been helpful in knowing what is happening.

I am here if you want to chat.

[Fth180519]

Hi @LyraBelacquaSilvertongue

It's awful isn't it? Were you married long? It's just shit to find everything you know is a lie and they aren't the person you loved. Have you got support from friends, family. Etc. Anytime you want to message im here too x

[Palaver1]

How are you? one day at a time, you will get through this wait and see hold onto this .you will come out of this smiling focus on yourself for now

[Fth180519]

@Palaver1 I'm. Doing OK. Starting to come to the conclusion that I'm better off without my narcissist ex. Working on myself a lot, had relationship counselling on my own as husband decided it wasn't fog him and feel. So much better learning what a selfish narcissistic shithead he is. How're you doing?

[Xenia]

If you attempted consummation and he got it up and he got it inside then I think annulment is off the table. If he didn't penetrate then annulment is possible as far as I know.

Anyway I only suggested the annulment risk - probably unlikely his lawyers woulld cotton on to that in 12 months time when divorce becomes possible after the statutory 12 month wait period (1 year from marrying).

[Weenurse]

💐

[Palaver1]

Im just looking ahead with this nasty man but the end is near.
Definately the right decision in my case
You concentrate on yourself everthing is going to be fine

[HappyLoneParentDay]

@Fth180519 Excuse me? I beg your pardon? Would you like to explain to me how saying "How is OP's husband an abuser?" attacking someone? Please don't patronise me!!!!!!! I'm not

[HappyLoneParentDay]

@Fth180519 I'm not interested in what the other poster has 'been through to say that' I was merely asking a sodding question!!!! She jumped to the conclusion your ex was an 'abuser' when you never mentioned anything to do with abuse so I asked a question. Since when we're simple, genuine questions considered 'attacking!?'

[Fth180519]

I created this for support not to be spoken to like a child. Picking up on that comment was not helpful to me or any old the other posters going through this. (and I imagine to you either).