Anyone been successful chasing maintenance when ex lives abroad?

[maria1947]

Just found out my ex has moved abroad, he's living with his new partner which is the reason he left me and daughter. So I knew it was happening but not what would happen next. Since he has said to dd many times that he wouldn't talk and so has not been in contact as she was questioning him about the affair. He had told her to accept it or he was 'done' she is in shock, he didn't even tell her he was going and has not seen her in 5 months.

Guess I shouldn't be surprised by his behaviour but It's left me in financial difficulty as he was paying half the rent as we had signed a 12 month lease before he left and he was paying half, it's due up in August. Plus he was paying maintenance which has also stopped. I work part time as I have no childcare and claim benefits since he left. I used to work full time but I have no family near and friends can't help. Really worried at the moment as I won't be able to cover the rent and bills and food on what I earn and get in universal credits, I'm talking to a debt charity who are trying to help as I have no money since he stopped paying rent and maintenance to cover my basic living costs.

Didn't mean for it to be such a long post, I feel really overwhelmed at the moment and our daughter is in a state

He has just sent divorce papers to me as well and I don't know if I will have to find somewhere to live.

It's going to be difficult but I know it will get sorted eventually, but I am going to see if I can ask for maintenance to be paid from abroad through the courts. No idea how difficult this will be or how long it will take. He has just moved to Germany, quit his job and moved in with his new partner and 3 children. He told me about her before he left to live with his mum so he could save up to be with her. I have no idea of his address or if he's working and I had been completely blocked on his phone when he left. He has now blocked his daughter as well.

You know if he died or was dead you would survive look at it in this way his passed and you will and have to survive,It is extremely hard to get a dime even if he were here and to think his abroad put the anger and energy into getting your life together without him
It’s easier dealing with an estate than a divorce especially if ones a fuck shit
I looks at my soon to be ex as though his dead so there will be no surprises not one.

Thanks palaver1, yeah no use worrying and you can't get blood out of a stone, know I'll have to do what need to be done just to survive and my daughter come first. Just the shock of it for me!! Just before he left he was like a different person and always portrayed himself as the family man good father, etc. Just coming to realise there's so many people out there that do this!!

Glad you are taking control and doing all for your son and being strong, your a great role model for him

Not sure how effective, but look up REMO.

Thanks waterspider I've googled it and I'll look

see www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-if-one-parent-lives-abroad

Unfortunately if he has quit his job and isn't working then you may be stuffed anyway. I hope you manage to get something sorted

Have you an idea as to even which city?

I ask because if he is working the Steueramt for that city shoul be able to locate him.
You cannot disappear in Germany - you have to be registered at the Einwohneramt, it is illegal not to be and you have to pay your own health insurance or be backdated for the whole sum once authorities find out.
He will only have 3 months before it is illegal not to have done those things.
You need the right qualifications and decent German to do most work unless he is working under the table (Schwarzarbeit) which will not go down well obv when caught.
Unless his gf is getting him to access Harte V/dole and he won't be eligible for that yet.
Add to that Brexit...you are not yet divorced. I'd make him wait.
Unless he marries her asap he might run into problems with residency unless a company has taken him on (is that likely? they have to prioritise Germans first) - We all got letters sevral months ago to sort out our residency rights/paperwork for end of June so unless he is Irish or dual nationality already, he could well be fucked come October.
I give it a year.

Hi, no he would not tell me where girlfriend is located who he has moved in with and didn't tell me he had gone, child maintenance then stopped and he texted his daughter saying he had gone..I asked him before he left to live with his mum more out of shock that he wouldn't see his daughter so much and he told me she has no money and 3 children. That was it. She is teaching him German but he knew none, he had no qualifications and was a warehouse worker, talked about finding work out there.

Thanks for replying as I understand that it's possible we'll leave the eu with no deal and I would suspect it's a worrying time and people are trying to get documents in order. I just found the whole situation strange tbh. Not even sure how it would work for him, he will probably not pay or afford maintenance as I know it will be hard to find work. All very bizzare, I just wished he would be able to keep contact with daughter and it's all been secret. I did also hear that a lot of posts in Germany are good pay but qualifications are a must for most jobs. Goodness knows!

Does he have any existing family (mum, siblings etc) who could tip you the wink as to the town? Although that won't help if he's not earning or not declaring. Minimum wage jobs are 9 euros19/hour (about 8 quid) but it really isn't as easy as you might think to walk into a job and as I said, he'd need to be married to her or have a valid work visa post Brexit to have right to remain. Might pick up bar work in ex pat pubs, teaching English isn't easy to do without celta and freelancing comes with its own tax laws/competing for work anyway unless he is doing labouring, cleaning or production line type job - even then you have to get through an interview, they don't make it easy for you is what I'm saying. Revenge is a dish served cold.

My understanding is that maintenance (child or spousal) is based on income only. Is NRP is not working I think you have had it.

Good luck

It depends on the country. My ex hasn't paid a penny and he lives in the UK and I live in the USA and I filled out all the paperwork 3 times and the UK keeps losing it (or pretending that it's incomplete and they can't find him - even though I've given them a copy of the deed to his flat that he owns and lives in and his car reg and his mobile number and the website of his business). Here in California, the child support agency are really good at tracking down deadbeat dads and getting payment out of them.

Thanks for the info rageagainst, didn't realise it would likely be as hard as that to find work. Think it will be a case of wait and see, if he comes back he will have a lot of work to do with daughter. His family won't speak to me about him and have said they won't get involved, shame as they could have talked sense to him. It will be a struggle as he left me in financial difficulty, a joint loan and repayments but will get there, thanks for the post and info.

That's a shame Sophiaames, there is definitely something wrong with the system over here

www.gov.uk/remo-unit-helpline
I'd give them a call and ask what to do especially if there is no court order in place and he's basically done a runner.

Thank you rageagainst it's worth a try, might take time but I'll give it a shot.

I found the REMO unit helpline to be worse than useless..they were rude and unhelpful.

I am facing similar. There was a Court Order for child maintenance, but after 12 months Ex applied to CMS. The CMS figure was much lower, but family solicitor advised that Courts do not have jurisdiction over CMS.

Ex is now living outside EU and I am not sure where exactly. REMO have advised that they can't do anything if Ex's whereabouts are unknown. Any suggestions anyone?

Would his address not be on the divorce papers? How is he going to pursue that? Good luck maybe speak to cab check you are getting all the help you can with benefits, look for a cheaper rent and just make it work. The best revenge would be to live the best life possible xx

Divorce papers had ex's parents address and they had to move out before Decree Nisi could be issued.

I would consider contesting the divorce. What are the grounds of divorce.

If he has no grounds you have to be separated for 5 years unless you agree. If you are still married it might make getting money easier.

Divorce was completed 4 years ago.

The address on our divorce papers was correct, but REMO didn't seem to find it useful.

I've had contact back from the remo unit in our town as you can't call by telephone and I had sent an email asking for help since I wasn't sure which form to use? I have sent in an initial enquiry form and will wait and see what happens. Guess it's better to try now while the country is still part of the eu..

I sent multiple emails. Never got a response. I had actually reached a supervisor by phone, and he insisted that if I sent an email, it would get responded to....I think he was just trying to get me off the phone.