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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Who keeps the house.

27 replies

Yellowshirt · 04/05/2019 16:15

Can my wife just decide she is keeping the house? I agreed to move out in September for 6 months. She then changed the locks etc ...
She has now fitted a new back door where there was a window and ripped the living room out ready to revamp the house with a bigger kitchen.
I just don't understand how this can be legal?
We have a 13 year old daughter who lives with my wife as I'm only home at weekends due to work.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 04/05/2019 16:16

Depends. Is it rented or mortgaged? Your name or hers, or both?

Original poster
Yellowshirt · 04/05/2019 16:19

It's mortgaged in both our names but I moved out in august. I'm paying rent andirect he is now paying the mortgage

OP posts:
Itsnotme123 · 04/05/2019 17:05

If the house is in both your names I would think that as your daughter is still in ft education and is under 18 years old, your wife keeps the house. Children tend to stay with the mother unless there’s a serious problem. But ask a solicitor, I’m sure they will tell you the score.

Pearpickinpenguin · 04/05/2019 17:11

it will depend on your legal agreement with her. Clearly your wife is under the misconception that a house has to be given to the mother till the child is 18 but this is not the case. My brother and his wife split up 2 years ago (in England, Im in Ireland) and she was refusing to move out etc but the judge gave him 50/50 custody and she was forced to put the house on the market. They also hvae a 13 year old together. It is not all plain and simple like some people make out and your wife is putting money into a property she may have to relinquish which is both stupid and arrogant. I suggest getting legal advice off a good family law solicitor and then going for mediation. Good luck!

Original poster
Yellowshirt · 04/05/2019 17:32

It's just ridiculous that people can do stuff like this and get away with it. It just feels like I'm having two fingers stuck up at me

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 04/05/2019 17:42

We'll...it's legal because it's her house as well as yours, but it doesn't help her if she's trying to establish that the house is all hers. It wouldn't worry me. She's spending money on improvements that she might not benefit from. It's unusual these days (although not unheard of) for the wife to just keep the house, or be allowed to live there until the dc are 18, because the courts prefer a clean break. Haven't you been to see a solicitor and got proper advice?

Original poster
Yellowshirt · 04/05/2019 18:35

I am dealing with a solicitor but as she delayed the divorce so I couldn't mention her affair the solicitor is only just getting her head round things.
The house was valued in August by me then again by her in January.
No shock it is now £10000 less so less equity if she buys me out.

OP posts:
Pearpickinpenguin · 04/05/2019 18:45

IF she buys you out. What are her chances of doing so? Even with negative equity to that amount she is guaranteed nothing as it is not a simple case of buying you out, she will have to take out an entire new mortgage.

Notinmyworld · 04/05/2019 20:39

Hi
I have filed for a divorce back in October 2018, I have been married for over 18 years with two kids a boy who turns 17 in a couple of months and a girl who turns 14 soon. My solicitor is apparently having trouble getting my husband to supply all the necessary documents for his form E. We have a mortgage in a joint name which he’s stopped paying since he moved out, I have taken on the payment since I don’t want to lose my family home, he earns 55k a year and am on 28k. Is it possible to submit the divorce papers with my documents? What are the options, will it be a 50/50 split if so does he have to submit his financial disclosure.

Original poster
Yellowshirt · 04/05/2019 21:11

Sorry to confuse you pearpick...... we are not in negative equity. I got 3 valuations all average 156000 she then got 1 valuation of 147000. The equity is between 40000 and 50000 basically.

She can afford to buy me out as she earns 52000 as a teacher. The lad she was sleeping with will probably move in too. He is also a teacher on a good wage.

OP posts:
Foxmuffin · 04/05/2019 21:17

It’s not automatic that wife gets the house. It’s acknowledged that the husband needs somewhere to live too. If the house is much bigger than the wife needs a sale can be forced and the equity spilt to provide a home for you both. It all depends on circumstances. It’s impossible to advise on the basis of the facts you’ve given here. You need to consult a solicitor. Most will do a free initial consultation.

CF43 · 04/05/2019 22:05

When I went to the solicitor at the start of divorce procedure i was told that there was no way i could keep the house as it was past our (mine and son) needs, it being a four bed detached we don't need it.

So why and how can my ex suddenly turn round and say he wants to keep the house when it is just him (most of the time), if he was to buy me out of the house it would mean a very high mortgage he has previously said he couldn't afford, so where is the extra money coming from. (his folks?).

He is a big earner and I know he salary sacrifices to keep the amount of tax down, I have letter proving his wages but his P60 doesn't match.

I don't understand, if it is not suitable for me and son as it's too big the house, why is is not too big for him.

All i get from him is that if he wants to keep the house and take on a higher mortgage than it's up to him.

Singlenotsingle · 04/05/2019 22:16

cf43 If you were to keep the house, you'd have to realise some of the equity to give him. This would probably mean you wouldn't be able to get a big enough mortgage, depending on how much you earn.

If he's paying for the house and can afford the mortgage, he can have a house as big as he wants. What he says in his last sentence is true. Sad but true.

LizB62A · 04/05/2019 22:29

When I separated from my ex, I was told I wasn't allowed to change the locks.
And it's not automatic that she gets the house.
Maybe have a chat with another solicitor to check you're getting good advice from yours? (some will give a free initial meeting)

Tunnockswafer · 04/05/2019 22:33

OP do you want your dd to have to move house? Would you not rather she stayed in her home?

Original poster
Yellowshirt · 04/05/2019 22:48

I want my daughter to stay in her home but do I just lie down then and be a mug forever?
When my wife goes on holiday for 4 weeks in august then I should move back into the house and lock her out?
My daughter can then live with me.
I don't even want the house. She abused me there so no I don't want to keep it but how can people treat others like this and get away with it.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 04/05/2019 22:55

There's nothing terrible about moving house, and nothing wonderful about staying in the same house forever. My dc moved house three times during their childhoods. They weren't traumatised.

C0untDucku1a · 04/05/2019 23:02

Is she planning to buy you out?

Original poster
Yellowshirt · 04/05/2019 23:21

She wants to buy me out but on the cheap basically

OP posts:
ScreamScreamIceCream · 05/05/2019 06:53

@Yellowshirt unless she has got an Occupancy Order yes you could move back in. You would just have to prove to a locksmith the property is jointly owned. The problem you have is working away. If you move back in you need to basically be in otherwise your wife will just change the locks again and properly know this time to get an Occupancy Order. Also what is your wife delaying the divorce about? If you are the petitioner you need to take some steps to move the divorce along.

ivykaty44 · 05/05/2019 07:01

Why not visit a solicitor and get legal advice?

AfterTrentham · 05/05/2019 07:31

Get your solicitor to advise you. Whay other people on the Internet have done may not be applicable to your situation. For what it's worth, my DH agreed that his first wife would keep their house, which they owned outright, in exchange for a clean break (she got CMS only - no spousal maintenance). But there was a fair bit of money sloshing around in their case, so he was in a position to get a mortgage to buy a house himself (he could afford a mortgage because he wasn't paying spousal maintenance - you can see the logic).

Tunnockswafer · 05/05/2019 09:02

A divorce settlement won’t give you revenge or justice. People aren’t punished for their poor behaviour in marriage.
I think you need a solicitor to help you get the best agreed price for the house and move on. You can’t offer to have your dd 50/50 it seems so her staying at home seems best. Moving house doesn’t have to hurt a child but divorce (and possibly a new partner for her mum) is a hell of a lot to deal with without a new home as well.
If you can, focus on seeing her for as much as possible. See if there is leeway for change in your job too.

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 05/05/2019 14:33

Time to put your big boy pants on. She's playing dirty, and assuming you will just take it. Consult a solicitor. Put together a financial proposal. Put together a residency proposal. Ask for what you want. And ignore @tunnockswafer, who appears to want you to walk away with nothing!

lifebegins50 · 05/05/2019 14:50

Lost a long reply so will be brief.

She doesn't automatically get the house but if she wants it and can afford it then it is a reasonable proposal given less upheaval for your daughter.
The best case equity is 25k and worse case 20k? Not a major difference so can you settle inbetween or ask for 25k on the basis she keeps the household items and if it was sold equity would be reduced.

I know its tough but she has moved on. It feels callous to you but she is at a different stage. You will also get to this stage..I promise. Try not to feel bitter. Practice gratitude for what you have in your life. This is a painful stage but it won't last forever.

What about pensions? These will be highly valuable so do you know what they are worth?

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