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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

How much did it all cost

35 replies

Loopyloumama23 · 17/04/2019 17:52

My divorce has been done. However, we need to go to court for childcare and finance. He won’t attend mediation unless I pay. He earns at least 3x my wage. He is refusing to complete a financial disclosure.

I just wondered how much people’s solicitors fees were for these parts. As I have paid £2k just to get to this point and worried about costs. Having to ask parents for help.

Just wondered if anyone had any ideas.

Regards, loopy

OP posts:
CF43 · 17/04/2019 20:02

Mine is going on st the 10K now and divorce has been going on since september when i was awarded the nici, having to attend mediation now beause the jerk won't agree to a financial settlement, says we are not worthy of any amount even though he claims to worship his son, who he walked out on when he was 10 days old.

I hate my ex with every once of my being and i am not sorry to say that I will take him to court if necessary to get the amount i need to start a new life.

I am going home tomorrow from visiting my folks and i am going without my wonderful son whom i adore with all my heart and i am so sad it hurts, but what can i do, i know that it will get better sometime but when i don't know, i just know that i hate being without him especially at night.

Original poster
Loopyloumama23 · 17/04/2019 21:07

Thank you for replying this is how much I was thinking it may end up being.

OP posts:
LeaveOrRemain · 18/04/2019 05:29

Mine was closer to 40K as ex dragged it through the courts for over 2 years.

To CF43

Make sure you keep all records of offers that you have made and the mediation. If you are forced to go through the courts they have power to make your partner pay towards your legal costs if Judge thinks your partner has been obstructive.

Original poster
Loopyloumama23 · 18/04/2019 19:18

Thank you Leaveorremain. I can imagine my ex doing the same. So interesting to see the court can enforce that.

OP posts:
SnapesGreasyHair · 18/04/2019 19:21

Approx 8k but that includes fees for new mortgage etc.

I didn't get divorced until finances and court order was finalised

over50andfab · 18/04/2019 19:24

About 8K including divorce and mediation (about 21months and included a barrister consultation). Then I took him to court as a litigant in person, so cost...court fees only (can’t re ember but £2-400-ish?)

OP I’m more concerned that your solicitor filed for or agreed to the decree absolute if you haven’t done finances yet as this leaves you vulnerable, particularly in terms of his pension.

over50andfab · 18/04/2019 19:27

...and yes, you will both be expected to fill in and submit Form Es before the 1st court hearing (you can google Form E) although it can take a bit of prodding, but a lot of exes tend to toe the line - more or less - when it gets to this point...mine did!

Innernutshell · 18/04/2019 19:34

Mine was 16k in 2008.

It was worth it to get rid of the gaslighting abusive bastard.

Hope yours works out to be much less OP.

Original poster
Loopyloumama23 · 18/04/2019 20:47

My ex wanted no solicitors involved so divorced without any solicitor.
So I am now stuck in situation where we can’t resolve anything.

OP posts:
LRL2019 · 18/04/2019 20:50

around £5.5k so far just for child arrangements and around another 2k to go for final hearing. As for finances I've decided to go without legal representation so £255 for court papers. My solicitor has advised me that I would be looked at in a better light going without a solicitor for finances and that everything would be explained well before decisions are made. To use a solicitor for this it could be around 12k not even this left in the house so don't see the point spending what's left on a solicitor if that makes sense!

SnapesGreasyHair · 18/04/2019 21:10

Oh dear OP.... that's not good. Why did you agree to it?

My XH wanted the same thing... I'd have been left homeless if I'd gone along with it.

Zerrin13 · 18/04/2019 21:37

But how can ordinary women afford these divorces? There must be many woman who need to get divorced but don't have this sort of money. Also was it worth all the expense? Did it get you the settlements you wanted?

Original poster
Loopyloumama23 · 18/04/2019 22:31

I agree Zerrin one of the reasons I didn’t disagree with solicitors is because I struggled financially. But I am getting support from family.

I am really worrying about the finances of going to court but feel I have no other choice.

OP posts:
How999 · 18/04/2019 23:20

About 25 / 26K - we settled at the second hearing. Ex made things much more expensive than need be by being as obstructive as possible throughout.

A shocking amount of money and a deeply traumatic divorce.

I am now the walking damaged - damaged by the last years of my marriage and by the divorce. But I prefer this rock to the hard place of being emotionally and verbally abused by my ex.

Goldilocks3Bears · 19/04/2019 00:53

19k for me and he said 16k. Keep every email and scrap of paper. Ours required an actuary report to work out his final salary pension and the 3k I paid for a barrister for court was the best money I ever spent.

LeaveOrRemain · 19/04/2019 01:41

Did it get you the settlements you wanted?

Settlements are based on needs and more significantly what is available. If there is not enough to go round (usually the case) then both partners will have to adjust their lifestyles accordingly, ie downwards.

Settle amicably if you can as court costs can spiral rapidly out of control.

Palaver1 · 19/04/2019 07:11

Leave or remain some people just wont.Mine never has respected the law..his latest is you’ll never get the divorce.He has no legal representation refusal to do anything.His always been like this.
He doesn’t give a monkeys.

Nat6999 · 19/04/2019 08:06

I was lucky as I divorced before legal aid stopped, it cost me £125 a month until we had finished in court. Legal aid is still available if you are a domestic abuse victim & are on a low income.

LeaveOrRemain · 19/04/2019 08:09

his latest is you’ll never get the divorce

That does not stop you from making an application for divorce. However, it may be that you are forced to live apart for 5 years as in the Owens case.

RoseMartha · 19/04/2019 08:36

Mine is still ongoing and have paid about 5k so far. (I was quoted £3). Almost at financial agreement. Contact not agreed.
But we still will have moving costs on top as well.

Goldilocks3Bears · 19/04/2019 09:44

The sense of relief the minute I was no longer financially attached to him was immense. No more control, no lore having to check with him

Palaver1 · 20/04/2019 07:03

LeaveOrRemain
Seven months still going doing what he wants complete lack of respect will not reply engage or get his own lawyer.
I have good representation as my needs are a bit different we have a child who is severely autistic nonverbal other issues as well.
This is not at 18 it’s over she will be reliant for all her life and will require care.
So it’s becoming a stress ball but I will weather it
Always worked extremely hard saved hard especially when I realised her needs.
Spending hard for legal advice and representation.
Does he give a toss no do I give a toss yes can I rock the boat no tread easy go with the advice I’m given.which is the right advice and Reserve my energy.
Mentally it’s hard physical it’s even harder
I just know it’s got to end

Itsnotme123 · 22/04/2019 05:41

So far it’s £4.5k and still sorting the consent order. Nisi is done, but I have got him sworn to sorting financial before absolute. It’s the cgt I’m worried about. Not sure if I have to pay.

Dacquoise · 23/04/2019 11:11

Hi Loopy,

Going through variation proceedings at the moment and up to £22k at Final Hearing and that was doing all the paperwork from FDA to Final Hearing. Final hearing has resulted in three hearings and still going.

My advice to you is use a direct access barrister. Solicitors rack up a huge amount of costs for filling in paperwork that you could do yourself. A barrister will also be able to give you a realistic view on the potential outcome at court as they are at the 'coalface' everyday. The solicitor I initially engaged was clueless and charged a fortune for every email, phone call and every time she sneezed. Wouldn't go there again.

If he's refusing to disclose his finances court is the only option to you. Good luck

CF43 · 24/04/2019 14:04

HI All,

I have mediation starting next week may 3rd, but not convinced as yet that this is going to work out.
Mediation for contact was hard on my side as I found it difficult but we agreed everything and then he changed his mind, won't sign the paperwork to make it legal.
He agreed in mediation to do his homework with him and support my routines, but he hasn't being doing his english or maths homework with him during the easter break and has been sending him to bed later than I would. So when I had him over the easter break he was moody and tearful and difficult. I had to work hard at getting him to complete his homework before school returned.

Mediation for financial settlement is going to be tough and I am not looking forward to it but I can only give it a try. But how do I get through this "your not worthy" "any money you receive will be more than you deserve", "your going for everything and can't have it". If I can get through that barrier we might stand a chance.

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