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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

He's invoiced me for bills he paid after he moved out

37 replies

accessorizequeen · 09/04/2019 10:20

Hello. My DP & I split in Dec 17, he moved out in April 18 and paid the household bills for a few months because I was earning so little. I moved them over to my name in Sept/Oct once I was earning more and receiving tax credits by that point. He's now sent me a spreadsheet with a demand for £3,000 which includes those bills. He's refusing to pay maintenance until my 'debt' is paid. He's also charged me money for not finding a rental property for myself and our four children quickly enough.

The bills I believe were in his name until I asked to take over the payments and moved them to my name only. I don't have the paper bills so I'm not sure. They include House Insurance, Council Tax (for a house we both own), TV license, Water, Gas & Elec.

I need to seek legal advice, but I've moved house a week ago and have my children nearly all the time over Easter so it's a bit difficult at present. Any advice/support in the meantime would be helpful. thanks.

OP posts:

DelphiniumBlue · 09/04/2019 10:31

What a horrible man he is! You must be so glad it's over.
You say the house is jointly owned - so how does he think he can charge you for living in it? You have a right to live there, along with your children.
As for the bills, if you felt it was fair to reimburse him you could, although the bills were incurred to benefit his children. But how on earth do a few months bills amount to 3 thousand pounds?

TheInvestigator · 09/04/2019 10:32

He can't not pay maintenance in the meantime.

Call CMS today and get that started. Then deal with the invoice once you can seek legal advice.

Cloudyapples · 09/04/2019 10:32

It’s jointly owned house but you had to move out? Are you the resident parent? I think it sounds like you need legal advice ASAP.

Withington · 09/04/2019 10:33

Whose names the bills currently in? Are they all in your DPs name, yours or joint?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 09/04/2019 10:34

Child maintenance is entirely separated from any money to may owe him. (I don’t think you do owe him this money) don’t even acknowledge his “invoice”, put in a claim for child maintenance with CMS and let them calculate what he owes you.

DelphiniumBlue · 09/04/2019 10:34

Sorry, posted before I'd finished.
Go straight to CMS, he sounds a nasty bastard .

Original poster

accessorizequeen · 09/04/2019 10:35

He's turned out to be a controlling tosser who doesn't seem to care anything for his children.
The house we jointly owned was sold a week ago. I don't see why I should pay the full council tax and insurance on a house we jointly owned? The insurance costs were very high because of the equipment he had at the house. It was a 6 bed house so bills were high. He left at a point that I was earning virtually nothing and he knew that (I was made redundant).

OP posts:

spritesobright · 09/04/2019 10:36

He's being absolutely ridiculous and petty. You were living in the marital home with his FOUR kids and he wants you to pay back the bills? Please.
I'm afraid you will need to get some legal advice about child support - unlike the bills on the home he is legally obliged to pay maintenance! A lot of solicitors offer 30mins to an hour free for consultation at the beginning so see if you can get some advice that way.
And speak to CAB about getting child maintenance.

He sounds utterly unreasonable but is there any chance of telling him that the 'invoice' should be worked out in the divorce settlement because you can't afford to pay it now and in the meantime he needs to pay child support for his four children!

Original poster

accessorizequeen · 09/04/2019 10:40

We have organised maintenance ourselves until now and he has paid it. But I spoke to CMS last week and have a reference number to start a claim against him, so I guess I will have to move forward with that.

We owned the house jointly. Agreed to sell, it was sold last week. I have them the bulk of the time and there are four children so maintenance is over £600 per month. He's saying he doesn't earn as much now but hasn't given me details so it can be adjusted.

I refused his financial offer (which included me 'owing' him over £3K) as he changed it from the original offer made last year. The equity from the house is now held with solicitors until we agree. I'm not sure I can do mediation with someone who is being so coercive. I blocked him on my phone months ago due to his behaviour, it's been horrible for a long time.

OP posts:

Original poster

accessorizequeen · 09/04/2019 10:48

The bills aside from insurance are now in my name as I asked for that. Knowing I would be moving out. But when he paid them they were either in his name or joint names. I'm not sure because he had them go to his house.

OP posts:

PicsInRed · 09/04/2019 12:50

Tell him to take you to court.
I bet he won't.
Everytime he emails, repeating the same demands (and he will), "take it to court".

Fuck that guy.

spritesobright · 09/04/2019 15:42

It sounds like you're doing everything you can OP, but unfortunately are dealing with a controlling bully.
It looks like you will need to proceed with the CMS claim.

It really shouldn't matter whether the bills were in your name or his name or jointly - they were for the marital home and supporting housing needs for his four children so you shouldn't have to pay them.

I would definitely advise against attempting mediation with this man. In my experience, mediation with a bully is a complete waste of time. The mediator's interests are simply to get an agreement and in my experience they find it very difficult to create a balanced and fair playing field when one person is clearly trying to bully and manipulate.

Original poster

accessorizequeen · 09/04/2019 17:49

Thanks all. He's sent through some mediation details but I don't know if or how I can opt out of it based on his behaviour? I suspect he will try to bully and control it but he won't be obvious about it so it may get past the mediator. I felt very beaten down after more of a year of malicious threats and constant digs.

I've proceeded with the CMS claim this afternoon so he will get a letter early next week chasing him. That felt like taking back some control.

OP posts:

DelphiniumBlue · 09/04/2019 17:59

What do you mean, " sent through some mediation details? Has he actually arranged an appointment, or just sent the details of a mediator who he thinks might be suitable?
If its anything more than a suggestion, I think you should contact the mediator to say that you are intimidated by him and so dont think that mediation is appropriate.

Original poster

accessorizequeen · 09/04/2019 20:40

I was going to sort out mediation but he decided I had taken too long so forwarded some details from a local firm this afternoon. He had a go at me yesterday about it. I don't know what the process is if I don't want to go through with mediation or whether me just saying he's intimidating me is enough? There's an assessment meeting to start with (separate or joint) when they go over everything. But I'd have to pay £100. If I don't go to mediation then it will be court which could be worse?

OP posts:

spinn · 09/04/2019 20:52

Op, pick your battles carefully here and decide what is important to fight.

You haven't said how much the equity is but if you factor in additional legal and mediation costs you may find that £3k is eaten up very quickly for both of you. Work out what you want from the situation (ignore child maintenance as that's separate) - then work out how quickly this will be lost from fees etc and pick your battles from that point.

Some will say this is him exerting authority and if you back down it will give him a win. Others will say its worth it to get a clean split from him and he then loses all authority in the long run in the least stressful way.

Technically, he wasn't living in the property so the bills weren't his to pay so yes he could claim them from you- but it would be expected he has an agreement from you that it was a loan and since the bills were in his name then you could challenge that liability.

Could anyone clarify, could he go to the companies and show proof he wasn't living there and claim it as a refund, if that went through you'd get backbilled directly. (Thinking water bill for example, he could show new tenancy and argue he wasn't liable)

slipperywhensparticus · 09/04/2019 21:01

Go for spousal support? Or say you have been advised to or he could just swallow the "debt" and get the money released

Original poster

accessorizequeen · 09/04/2019 22:40

I'm not his spouse. Thank Christ, never got married.

There's nearly 100k equity. We agreed 70/30 in my favour plus £10k to acknowledge my contribution to his career. He's now backtracked and says he's going for 50/50, reneged on the 10k months ago. I think this hinges on the kids and so would any court decision.

OP posts:

afteralongday · 09/04/2019 23:33

I wouldn't even mention the £3k in any way, especially in any written communication. If he tries to take you to court it will cost him a fortune, I bet he doesn't bother. There's no agreement that he was paying and you had agreed to reimburse him, he paid as an earning father looking out for his family.

Original poster

accessorizequeen · 10/04/2019 08:03

We have to agree an equity split for the house, the funds are being held until we do. So at some point the £3k has to be acknowledged. I haven't commented about any of the detail except to say I don't accept his suggested split. He never said I'd be expected to pay it back. I was the one to insist I took over the bills when I has the means to do so.

OP posts:

cptartapp · 10/04/2019 08:23

I'd bill him for the cost of 24/7 childcare for four Dc 3.5 days a week. It will come to a lot more than £3K!
Let him go for 50/50. Like most men, he won't.

spritesobright · 10/04/2019 08:54

I forgot to add that you do need to attend one session of mediation before it goes to court. But you can go separately I think.
Also, it doesn't need to go to court necessarily. Just hire a solicitor and ask them to negotiate with your ex's solicitor.

notapizzaeater · 10/04/2019 08:57

Have you taken legal advice ? I'd tell him to jog on !

Hotterthanahotthing · 10/04/2019 09:10

If you haven't been sent copies of the bills don't pay,there is no way 4-5 months worth of bills come to that much.
Go to the first mediation on your own and say how intimidated and bullied you feel,if you have them show copies of messages,emails that show this.
Having said all that when I divorced my ex refused to sign the house completion docs for sale if the house until I paid £1300 to him for 'bills'.I gave in but it was the last bit as divorce was through(well apart from the tantrum when house funds were split when he found out it was split according to the consent order that I thoughtfully gave to our solicitor not according to the letter he sent her!)

Singlenotsingle · 10/04/2019 09:12

If the bills were in his sole name, they were his responsibility.

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